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Re: I don't know...

vacillates daily on a mood by mood basis....

I am constantly diagnosing / pathologizing / looking beneath the operations of my mind

Which "self" is a construct, and which one is really existing?

I feel like I'm living a LIE

know that I have a hard time liking people. I have a hard time caring for people.

used to be so very social, outgoing, interesting, alive...don't know how to get through any day

I'm paranoid

I'm scared that people know I'm weird

I cry randomly

i care "too much"...

Seriously, this sounded ALOT like my own descriptions of myself. Especially "people knowing I'm weird..." I feel like there's just something about me that people don't like, like how some doctors say people feel uneasy around psychopaths- a defense mechanism (I'm not a sociopath, but there's been times that I've worried I was, as I have exhibited some behaviours).

I'm a borderline personality. It sucks. I overanalyze the hell out of everything, to an extent that I can't make a judgement b/c I don't trust mine. May want to have it looked at.

Also, I was diagnosed as bipolar, although that's now disputed by docs (they think it was b/c I reacted bad to Zoloft as a teen, it's when the behaviour happened).

On a possibly unrelated note, do you have thyroid issues? I have Hashimoto's thyroidism, and when I was last able to go to a doc, they mentioned it could actually be the cause of my problems (weird, I know, I don't honestly understand how that works).

Hope it helps, and good luck!