i feel that those who live one day at a time tend to be the ones who are or will one day be more content with their understanding of themselves, so i don't think that's a bad thing.
at your age i didn't even know what future meant so i'm with you there, but here i am ten years later.
it's funny that you're 15, that's the age i started to write. i wrote down everything i was feeling, what made me angry, what i observed about the world. it was me beginning to understand the world as i saw it with my eyes, not with my parent's eyes.
another poster mentioned the ego. I think some parents build up the ego of the child at the expense of teaching them about the world, which is a mistake often.
I think the key to feeling more of a whole (as opposed to a mixed up thing of fragmented pieces of what people tell you), is to see the world as it really is, and always always ask questions. questioning everything is both enriching and essential. you will be a very interesting person and people will see it, it's refreshing.
but digging into your brain is only half of it. It's also about watching the world and seeing where you fit in, where your strengths are, where you excel.
I had fun today.
Sort of, maybe.
I wasn't bored for too long, made me a bit happy, maybe.
I don't know if I'm okay with trying to figure out if something's 'wrong' with me.
I finally spoke to my dad today, it's been about 3 years since we actually talked. He told me he's always felt the same way, and that it's okay as long as I don't let people into my actual thoughts. Seems like not such great advice, but I should trust him for once since I don't normally trust anyone.