I want to apologize for not thanking everyone for advise sooner. My internet was down, so I did not get a chance to read all of these thoughtful responses.

Thank you for advise! I think letting them know how I feel would be a very smart idea, but my parents would not find an online post respectful in anyway. In fact, critisism of or commentary about the adults in our family is considered inappropriate. The fact of the matter, however, is that typing how I feel online and getting responses from educated, reasonable people made me feel a lot better. Thank you very much for your time!




I agree with Dr. Robert. Your response was a very sensative and appropriate one and not only for my age - for any age. And well, I know all of the above about them, mostly from their grandparents (whom I get along with very well), well actually, its only my grandma. Anytime they try to comment on my "bad behavior" such as accidently leaving a light on in the bathroom ( juvenile, isnt it?) I try to hint at their mischief such as hanging around wrong crowds or hiding their grades from their parents when they were young. Unfortunately, they have selective memory ( at least in my presense). To be entirely honest, the main drive I had when writing about my problem on this wonderful site was regarding an occurence that day. My mother went through my things - my bags, my closet, my desk, my notebooks, my cards- because she was cleaning up an already perfectly clean room of mine, and I felt that there was no "private" space for me in the house. She did not find anything bad, I don't hide any drugs, I don't drink, I don't have bad photos, I don't keep a journal. Nevertheless, I felt like my "territory" was rudely intruded. I tried confronting them about it, and explaining that I need space, but I believe they took it as a personal attack and I am the only child, so its two vs. one.

Thank you for responding, once again. That did make me think of newer alternatives. In fact, I purchased a travel bag with a lock where I will keep my private things. That made me feel better!




I'm afraid to say that your posts left me in a little bit of confusion. I am sure that you just had a bad day, so if you need to talk about your problems, I am sure people on this forum will be happy to help. Once again, I did not entirely understand what you were saying, but if you were critiquing any of the people who responded, may I ask you to reconsider your behaviour. This is a great online site, please learn to respect it.



Wow.. That is quite an analysis. Thank you for putting all that time into helping a stranger online, and I am sorry, this is the first time I was posting, and Dr. Robert's request on his profile page asks for brevity, but I am guessing I had to focus on clarity. I do believe my father's "ego" is a part of the problem. By ego, I mean the inability to accept his own wrongs and the refusal to admit his mistakes. However , I would not say that my family has the problem with a balance of power. My father is a really smart man, he is not rude in any way. It is just that I disagree with everything he thinks or does while hes got 40 years of experience on me, so my point of view, according to him, cannot be defended because of my lack of experience. I would say he is stubborn, not egotistical. Problem is my parents, though, not my father. In fact, the problem is that I do not have enough space. I mentioned a few more details in my response to "Dragontongue". My message was triggered by my mom entering my room and going through everything I owed - my bags, my documents, my closet. I felt that I had absolutely no place in the house. My mom is very obsessed about our apartment. For example, I cannot lean on walls, I cannot keep my closet open, I cannot touch any glass or mirrors. So, she has those cleaning sessions where she turns my world upside down, making MY room into HER perfect decoration. That is the way it is with everything. For example, I am not my very own persona, I am THEIR should-be-perfect child. I tried talking to them about giving me some room for ME, but they retaliated, saying this, " You should be used to cleanliness! We did not touch anything" Well yes, they just rearranged everything I owned... As a result I lost some very important documents I had from school... and it's just so irritating. Sometimes I wish I had a very troubled sibling so my parents would redirect all of their attention to him/her. Another thing that really upsets me ( though I must admit that I AM a little bit unreasonable with this one) is when they ask me where I am. I never stay out past seven o'clock, and I have really great friends, and most of the time I spend in school working with teachers ( even during summer), but , for example, if I am in the library and they call me and ask wher I am, I am always tempted to lie just so that I know they can't find me. I guess I just want to feel independent, and those calls every two hours, inquiring my location, will soon result into a " Carefull, explosives" sign on my forehead.

I do appreciate your ideas and I am sorry I did not give any detail; I would invision that conversation about rape, my father being defeated, and things of that matter to be exceptionally uncomfortable. While i am sure from the physcological perspective, this would do the trick, I am not mentally prepared to have a dialogue of that level with anyone, even less so my parents. I think I do not want to be closer with them. In fact, sometimes I hope that I can just have a parentless break for a year, so that after it I could come back and actually become friends with them. Your perspective on the situation was very fresh, and thank you very very much!

Just out of curiosity, is it normal for families to be like this? So.. uncomfortable? In the movies, I see happy families where kids talk to their parents all the time, hug, watch movies, but when I watched movie with my parents, it was sort of, isolated. Do families grow out of this stage or will time not fix this?

How do you tell a daughter that her father is not perfect and has control issues? The truth is you really can't. Girls bond stronger with their fathers than mothers and the same is true for boys with their mothers.

Your father is narcissistic. Your ego will never accept what I have said and more than likely you will become angry with me. I'm sorry.

The clue was how you reacted to Dr Roberts suggestion that you should show your family and how you reacted as if that would be a terrible idea. Open minded parents would reflect on what has happened but self absorbed narcs.. only get mad because you threatened their egos.

I'm not at all angry. I do think that both of my parents are very close-minded and I never thought my father was perfect, but they do put me first in their lives. My father does not have control issues... I mean, im not sure what you mean by control issues, but my parents never beat me, never broke my things... nothing in terms of violence.
I am guessing there is no cure for "close-mindness" though!

Once again, thank you for response!

Thank you for the nice things you said about my response! :)

Someone with control issues needs to be in control of everyone and everything all the time. They see their children not as independent human beings, but as possessions. They need to know everything about their 'possession'; where you are, what you are doing, who you are with, what you have in your private areas--and they need to be able to control all of the above. Rather than respecting you as a human being, they treat you like just another thing they own; something to control, mold, perfect, and show off--an extension of their own egos. If your parents treat you like that, then yes, they do have control issues. Any attempt on your part to be your own person will be taken as an attack on their egos. (That travel bag, for example, will probably cause problems.)

It sounds as though they might feel they are protecting you from making the mistakes they made growing up. It may be that they want you to be the perfect child they weren't when they were young. However, it seems to me that they are taking it too far. They have unreasonable expectations of you. 'Don't leave the light on in the bathroom'? 'Don't lean against the walls'? 'Don't touch mirrors or glass'? It's like they are picking on the small things because you haven't given them any large things to pick on. They need to back off a bit. You need some freedom to make your own mistakes.


Nah, he just wanted to complain a little bit, and picked your thread to do it in. He does that sometimes when he's bored. :) He's an interesting fellow, is Catalyst.


I think all families are a little warped in one way or another. It's part of being human. Movies have a tendency to idealise everything. I would say that your family is not going to just grow out of these problems. I'm afraid you'll have to fix them, or learn to deal with them, yourself. I wish I had a better idea of how you might go about it. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably pack a few bags and run away. :P