Hey everyone! Thank you, in advance, to those who will read this all-too-familiar whining of a teenager.
My name is Rhia, and I am a 16 year old female from NY.Cutting to the chase, my parents are amazing people; they really are, but (be it because of the "difficult phaze" as adults like to call it or just the circumstances of this relationship), I find it very difficult to communicate with them. My parents are really funny, smart, educated people; however, their presense sickens me. I KNOW that they love me, but I never want to spend time with them; our conversations are either short or nonexistant. We have nothing to talk about, and I just feel so much more comfortable alone in my room or when they are not home.
For example, today my mother attempted contact and suggested that the both of us should take some dancing classes together, and while, thinking back on it, I find her to be really cute, back then I could not supress a look of disgust and rude silence which brought her nearly to tears. I just freeze up when they are around, and I am very miserable living with them. I do not know why; they really try; they are really nice, but something just doesn't click. Every day that they spend home, I feel emotionally drained. I have great grades, a great circle of friends, great plans for the future, great boyfriend, but I never told them about any of the above, and I do not feel comfortable enough to do so.
Sometimes, when me and my father talk, it turns into an arguement. Had we been discussing physics and had I been Einstein, my dad would still never acknowledge my point of view. Maybe, its the "alpha-male" of the house symptom, but I feel very supressed by it.
If talking it out is not an option, then what is? Many of you experienced teenage years, so as experts, what do you think?
What would it be like to email them a copy of this letter, or send them a link to this page? It sounds honest and respectful of them as human beings. They might just appreciate your feelings, and understand what you are going through in regards to them.
Welcome to the forum and be well,
Talking to them seems like a good idea to me. Find out what they were like growing up, what their parents were like, what their friends were like. The more you know about someone, the easier it is to interact with them. People love it when you ask them questions about themselves, so you could find out things about them that way. (Of course, parents tend to use events from their own lives as illustrations for life lessons, but if you can put up with that it should be okay.) Instead of having actual conversations, try to get them to tell stories, divulge facts. It sounds as though your parents are trying desperately to get you to like them, so this shouldn't be too hard. All you have to do is ask something about their childhood, really listen, make it look like you're truly interested, ask a question here and there, and thank them when they're finished.
Once you start learning about them, you'll either start liking them a bit more, or you won't be able to stand them at all. In the first case, your problems are more or less solved. You can probably start opening up to them, if you like--after all, you know their plans, mistakes, etc.
In the second case, you need a different approach. You'll still be listening and smiling and all that, but you'll be looking for weaknesses in their characters. Maybe your mother has a hard time saying no to people, or your father is really proud of his appearance. Keep getting them to tell you stories (hint: don't tell them when they start repeating themselves--you can pick up on more things each time through), make time to listen when they turn up wanting to talk to you, and smile at them even when you think they're annoying. Once you know what a person likes and dislikes, fears and loves, you can manipulate them into doing pretty much whatever you want. Even leaving you alone.
Congratulations on a savy, compassionate, acute, and comprehensive reply to Rhia's question. This kind of interaction is what I was imagining when I initiated the Forum. Good to have you here.
Really? Not the painfully repetitive psychopathic jargon that continuously seeps from the woodwork of the inter-web? That idiot, Wolf, brought that trash in here... ...and it never stopped! It's like he opened the flood gates! And there are four sets of Russian launch keys missing for their space craft, and two sets of Russian ICBM launch keys. Where did they go!?
You mean you don't like all that painfully repetitive psychopathic jargon? When it flatters your comparative intelligence so well? After all, who doesn't feel smarter when faced with an idiot? And you get so many perfectly lovely idiots on here!
Like me and you?
Oh, maybe. Occasionally. For example, are you also staying up when you should be going to sleep?
The only reason I was up and about that late was because I had too much food in me, can't sleep with all that energy to burn.
Would you like to be specific about what exactly you found wrong with Dragontongue's reply to Rhia? As I wrote, I thought it was right on the money, particularly in its sensitive attunement to her age and emotional development.
Anyone with half a brain can play oneupmanship games--particularly anonymously online. And only a quarter of a brain will serve to be cleverly dismissive as you seem to enjoy doing. It takes a mensch to write some helpful advice.
Catalyst is only here to seek attention, that's his only function in life so just ignore him.
I want to apologize for not thanking everyone for advise sooner. My internet was down, so I did not get a chance to read all of these thoughtful responses.
How do you tell a daughter that her father is not perfect and has control issues? The truth is you really can't. Girls bond stronger with their fathers than mothers and the same is true for boys with their mothers.
Your father is narcissistic. Your ego will never accept what I have said and more than likely you will become angry with me. I'm sorry.
The clue was how you reacted to Dr Roberts suggestion that you should show your family and how you reacted as if that would be a terrible idea. Open minded parents would reflect on what has happened but self absorbed narcs.. only get mad because you threatened their egos.
I'm not at all angry. I do think that both of my parents are very close-minded and I never thought my father was perfect, but they do put me first in their lives. My father does not have control issues... I mean, im not sure what you mean by control issues, but my parents never beat me, never broke my things... nothing in terms of violence.
I am guessing there is no cure for "close-mindness" though!
Once again, thank you for response!
Thank you for the nice things you said about my response! :)