Are you Asian? It would help to frame a point of reference but is not necessarily relevant.
You are a girl. How is any way you choose to behave not behaving like a girl? I don't believe there is a right way or a wrong way to be a girl.
I used to joke that I was raised a boy. I think like a man - or rather I can think like a man. I don't have any close female friends. I don't like women overly much. I typically write them off as weak and stupid. I'm a worse sexist than most men ;) I, too, had a strong and dominating father. I've also been married for 20 years, and it hasn't been all bad :P
Can we talk about your anger? Is there more to it than just the loneliness you are feeling since your sister married? I think it's normal to feel left out when someone has moved to another place in life without you, someone you've come to depend on for companionship. I think it's healthy you see that she is happy, and I think it's normal to feel some jealousy, frustration, anger, and loss now that she is busy with her married life.
Why do you have to get married?
yes m an Asian
as for 'not behaving like a girl' i meant from my way of thinking to the way i talk.. everythings boyish. ppl say i walk like men, i act like a man.. i knw m nt able to explain well. but it is actually torturing whn ppl mke u realize agn n agn tht u arent girlish at all.
i have lost self confidence, i hide from ppl, gatherings panic me.. m afraid ppl will pin point me for being odd.
and from the type of society i belong to .. there girls SHOULD behave like girls. and therefore, girls HAVE to get married.
but i dont want to spoil my married life.. for tht m really worried.
and my anger is also creating probs for me. feel like either hitting myself hard against wall or banging someone else. whenever m alone i take out my frustration by thinking of someone and like hitting him/her hard in imagination.
i feel like shouting out loud...
i know after sis, life is supposed to move on..but i JUST CANT GET OUT of it..its like i just dont want to see her now.. coz whenever she's around she reminds me of old times and that saddens me like hell.
i know i sound stupid.. but nobody understands me and thts even mORE annoying...
i just cant explain wht's going inside me.. I JUST CANT!!
How you use your body - the way you stand, the way you walk, the way you talk - is a reflection of what is going on internally. If you are patterning after the strong male in your life, or more likely, patterning after a worthy adversary for the strong man in your life, you may be reflecting that by walking/thinking like a man.
Body language is something you choose. And there is nothing wrong with being a masculine female, unless you don't want to be. You may be communicating through your body language, "gender roles are stupid! (and I protest!)"
Will you have an arranged marriage or must you find your own spouse?
firstly, thanks alot for understanding me.
i was thinking of consulting a psychologist but i think m gettng my ans here.
my marriage wd probably be arranged coz for time being i dont thnk i can even think of MEN. i hve lft it to my parents to decde who's better for me. if i were to choose, i'd probably nt even thnk of getting married.
nw u gt to help me.. advce how to 'act' like a girl? i dont want to be tagged as a masculine female... i just dont.. people have been making fun of me. but it's hgh time nw. i cant change thm so it's better to chnge myself.. also.. i feel shy to interact with females.. i dont even have an eye contact with them coz m afraid they'll know the truth through my body lang..
Another good reply, unknown. Nice work.