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Re: behavourial issues

Are you Asian? It would help to frame a point of reference but is not necessarily relevant.

You are a girl. How is any way you choose to behave not behaving like a girl? I don't believe there is a right way or a wrong way to be a girl.

I used to joke that I was raised a boy. I think like a man - or rather I can think like a man. I don't have any close female friends. I don't like women overly much. I typically write them off as weak and stupid. I'm a worse sexist than most men ;) I, too, had a strong and dominating father. I've also been married for 20 years, and it hasn't been all bad :P

Can we talk about your anger? Is there more to it than just the loneliness you are feeling since your sister married? I think it's normal to feel left out when someone has moved to another place in life without you, someone you've come to depend on for companionship. I think it's healthy you see that she is happy, and I think it's normal to feel some jealousy, frustration, anger, and loss now that she is busy with her married life.

Why do you have to get married?

Re: behavourial issues

yes m an Asian

as for 'not behaving like a girl' i meant from my way of thinking to the way i talk.. everythings boyish. ppl say i walk like men, i act like a man.. i knw m nt able to explain well. but it is actually torturing whn ppl mke u realize agn n agn tht u arent girlish at all.
i have lost self confidence, i hide from ppl, gatherings panic me.. m afraid ppl will pin point me for being odd.
and from the type of society i belong to .. there girls SHOULD behave like girls. and therefore, girls HAVE to get married.
but i dont want to spoil my married life.. for tht m really worried.

and my anger is also creating probs for me. feel like either hitting myself hard against wall or banging someone else. whenever m alone i take out my frustration by thinking of someone and like hitting him/her hard in imagination.
i feel like shouting out loud...

i know after sis, life is supposed to move on..but i JUST CANT GET OUT of it..its like i just dont want to see her now.. coz whenever she's around she reminds me of old times and that saddens me like hell.

i know i sound stupid.. but nobody understands me and thts even mORE annoying...

i just cant explain wht's going inside me.. I JUST CANT!!

Re: behavourial issues

ABC
yes m an Asian

Thought so. :)

ABC
as for 'not behaving like a girl' i meant from my way of thinking to the way i talk.. everythings boyish. ppl say i walk like men, i act like a man.. i knw m nt able to explain well. but it is actually torturing whn ppl mke u realize agn n agn tht u arent girlish at all.

i have lost self confidence, i hide from ppl, gatherings panic me.. m afraid ppl will pin point me for being odd.

and from the type of society i belong to .. there girls SHOULD behave like girls. and therefore, girls HAVE to get married.

but i dont want to spoil my married life.. for tht m really worried.



and my anger is also creating probs for me. feel like either hitting myself hard against wall or banging someone else. whenever m alone i take out my frustration by thinking of someone and like hitting him/her hard in imagination.

i feel like shouting out loud...



i know after sis, life is supposed to move on..but i JUST CANT GET OUT of it..its like i just dont want to see her now.. coz whenever she's around she reminds me of old times and that saddens me like hell.



i know i sound stupid.. but nobody understands me and thts even mORE annoying...



i just cant explain wht's going inside me.. I JUST CANT!!


You don't sound stupid at all. And, if it makes you feel any better at all, there are a lot of people who would understand you. I think I do, even.

Do you live in the West?

I am American, but I was raised to be a wife. My father was unreal lol.

As a child, I saw my mother as being used, no better than a maid, really. I acted like my father. I swore I would not get married until I had firmly established my career. I would not have a child until I was 30 or 35, and never more than one. I was 19 when I married and 21 when I had the first of 3 children. I really blew it! ;)

The reason I ask if you live in the West is because it is very confusing here, I think, sometimes if you are taught that your purpose in life is to make some man happy but all around you are women who not only work but also are praised for it. Why are some women free to chose and others not? Well, the reality is, all women are free to choose. It just isn't as easy for some women to decide as it is for others.

I think the reaction you are feeling is very normal and it is ok to feel upset. Now, the task is to find a way to fill the void that the change in your relationship with your sister has left you.

More later. Apparently, I'm entertaining this evening.

Re: behavourial issues

How you use your body - the way you stand, the way you walk, the way you talk - is a reflection of what is going on internally. If you are patterning after the strong male in your life, or more likely, patterning after a worthy adversary for the strong man in your life, you may be reflecting that by walking/thinking like a man.

Body language is something you choose. And there is nothing wrong with being a masculine female, unless you don't want to be. You may be communicating through your body language, "gender roles are stupid! (and I protest!)"

Will you have an arranged marriage or must you find your own spouse?

Re: behavourial issues

firstly, thanks alot for understanding me.
i was thinking of consulting a psychologist but i think m gettng my ans here.
my marriage wd probably be arranged coz for time being i dont thnk i can even think of MEN. i hve lft it to my parents to decde who's better for me. if i were to choose, i'd probably nt even thnk of getting married.
nw u gt to help me.. advce how to 'act' like a girl? i dont want to be tagged as a masculine female... i just dont.. people have been making fun of me. but it's hgh time nw. i cant change thm so it's better to chnge myself.. also.. i feel shy to interact with females.. i dont even have an eye contact with them coz m afraid they'll know the truth through my body lang..

Re: behavourial issues

ABC
firstly, thanks alot for understanding me.

i was thinking of consulting a psychologist but i think m gettng my ans here.

my marriage wd probably be arranged coz for time being i dont thnk i can even think of MEN. i hve lft it to my parents to decde who's better for me. if i were to choose, i'd probably nt even thnk of getting married.

nw u gt to help me.. advce how to 'act' like a girl? i dont want to be tagged as a masculine female... i just dont.. people have been making fun of me. but it's hgh time nw. i cant change thm so it's better to chnge myself.. also.. i feel shy to interact with females.. i dont even have an eye contact with them coz m afraid they'll know the truth through my body lang..


Try to remember, when you are with other females, that they probably feel if not exactly the same at least partly the same as you. It's confusing to be female (not that it's easy to be male or anything). So, first of all, just relax :)

The next time you are in a place with a very feminine girl, watch her. (I mean if you can watch without being "caught".) Try finding one at a restaurant - maybe there is a girly waitress there.

Is there an actress whom people find particularly womanly? Watch her movies.

If you can stand to read them at all, try a few romance novels. See how the authors describe the female character's movements.

It may help you to think of a cat when you walk and a songbird when you talk. One of the most "feminine" things we women do is look down while we talk and then lift the eyes to look up at our audience at the end of phrases (more so when talking with men than with women). We tend to pitch our voices higher and more breathier than men - a head voice and not a chest voice. We move our hands a lot when we talk, but not our arms so much. When we sit, we are controlled about it - knees together, ankles crossed - unlike a man who relaxes into his seat, knees spread. We tend to walk up on our toes and not back on our heels. I'm not sure I can give you much help here - you've got to find your own body style, but maybe this is enough to think on.

And, if you find you do not feel fulfilled after adjusting your body language a bit, please don't rule out professional help. I'm just a girl with no training in psychology, so please know there may be a lot more to consider than what I can share.

Re: behavourial issues

Another good reply, unknown. Nice work.

Be well,
RS

Website: www.dr-robert.com