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Re: problem

No its not as you understood .I understand no one is perfect neither am I. and its not that Iam scared of someone hurting me….and Iam not afraid I just don’t want problems…I think its my upbringing my family members like uncles granddad etc would say just turn the other chick don’t stay and urge with fools and be like them and cause problems for yourself in normal situations. Like for example today at work the librarian shouted at the students to not touch the books and restricting their choices ..Now I find that wicked she had no right…but I just told the kids take the books from where she asked you too. This was bad but to avoid problems I just turned her cheek I have seen many a time people fighting for stupid things and I feel if I also do the same I will live like them trouble makers got it. The student teacher with me was really upset and gave her a look she even told me don’t keep quiet and I told her my view if we keep arguing with people we wont live in peace….Now Iam not scared as you said I just want to spare myself the fuss.

Plus I don’t live an isolated life. Even at work my relation with everyone is good. But as an observer they aren’t good people .Like if a teacher changes a class with me I don’t find it a problem but they will say why do you accept changing a lesson with them well to me it’s the same whether I teach lesson 3 or 4 but for them its dooms day. Got it.

In perfection I didn’t mean the people but their deeds. Like an example I have cats in the garden they aren’t mine ok but I give them food. Now I supposed my maid is a worker and should do her job whole heartedly right? Or in other words perfectly or ok close to perfection….I trusted her but two days back I found out she was giving the cats frozen food. I was mad see this is another thing they aren't my cats but it hurt me more than if she did anything to me myself (by the way even when someone hurts others I get more hurt than when they do the same to me?I feel like I can cope with it but the others poor them)so back to the cat I just said poor cats. I added a little of hot water and let the thing be kind of warm. I told her please don't this again it isn’t right you wouldn’t like to eat that right?…She was mad…Well I didn’t do anything but because this is how people are I added the water and I didn’t scold her Plus I always give people excuses and I said poor her in my heart its her environment and upbringing she is ignorant I know.

As for my imperfection…I have never met a person who counts on her deed as I do. Who accepts criticism as I do and learn from others experience as I do. Accepts others views as I do. if Iam wrong and Iam told I accept it. and try my best to change opposite to the stubborn people who are abstinent and stick to even things which are apparently wrong but they will argue for their points Iam easy believe me. As for relationships I don want it I have my extended family like I said even if they aren’t perfect they are sure better than other people I have encountered in life..Ok now you tell me why they should be my mirror because for instance you see a best friend backbiting her dear friend …Now how will I ever trust that person come on

Yes Iam a believer and this belief is the thing that keeps me going in the straight part with Gods help.

The last part" And if this is symptom of a deeper issue, also consider professional therapy"

was my concern is there a disorder where you look at peoples features and say it in your heart look at his teeth look at …..Again to be clear I don’t abhor the person and I don’t even let him feel so.but I cant imagine myself married to him…got me I see around me life goes on with whoever whatever and I say something is wrong with me…I don’t see a problem for them they are happy fine. got it…but if I had a husband who doesn’t look good I would feel shy when people saw him…That kind of thing now here is where I criticize myself everyone seems to groove with whoever….and its my concern oh also I don’t like someone to see something bad on me …an example once I had a mole on my finger and I would feel shy if someone saw it…most of my family members are like that I assume is our upbringing….

Please let me know if this is a disorder or just a matter of nurture…

Re: problem


My philosophy stems from the idea of taking personal responsibility for one’s emotional experience. I think of myself as “at cause” in my own internal world so to speak. So when it comes to any negative feelings I may be experiencing about the world around me, I look within and at myself first, to see which thoughts are connected to those feelings and how I can change my own mind, with a view of changing my perspective, which in turn changes my experience. That is what was behind my last comment to you. So if I were in your shoes and I found myself looking around at the people in my world and finding imperfection almost everywhere I looked, and it caused me emotional pain, my first step would be to look within to begin changing course. If I wanted to feel better, that is.

Let’s take the example you gave of the librarian shouting at the students about the books they touched. Your belief about this was “the librarian did a wicked thing by shouting at the students and that she had no right to do that”. Ok, if I were in your shoes, the first thing I’d do is look inside to see how I felt when I believed that. I’d ask myself a series of questions: Did I feel angry? Scared? Generally upset? How do those feelings make themselves known physically in my body? Do I feel the upset in my shoulders or in my chest or in my stomach? Then I’d ask myself to look at how I treat the woman I believe is responsible for my upset feelings. How do I look at her? How do I talk to her? And so on. Taking note of all of this raises awareness and allows you to detach from the thoughts and feelings generating upset within you. The next step I’d take would be to question the belief I emboldened. Is this belief true? Did the librarian do a wicked thing? How do I know for sure that it was wicked? Was it wicked only from my own perspective, since it’s obvious that the librarian didn’t think that shouting at the children was a wicked thing to do. More importantly, why am I judging her? Who am I to judge someone else as wicked, to determine what is right and wrong for the librarian?

After questioning myself along those lines, I’d move to what Byron Katie calls the turnaround. And by that I mean I’d take the belief that I have emboldened above and turn it around to apply to myself, like this: “I did a wicked thing by shouting at the librarian in my mind and I had no right to do that.” Of course, you did not literally shout at her in your mind. I am describing your judgment of her action in metaphoric terms. When I declare someone else as wicked, when I judge someone else’s deeds, I feel it on the inside as pain. When I move to acceptance, however long that takes (and in my own case, it can take a while sometimes!), I feel more peaceful, more in alignment with the world around me, and more available for joy. And all of that can happen within me without saying a word to the librarian!

Please don’t take any of the above to mean that I am condoning anyone’s unkindness. I wasn’t there, so I don’t know how unkind the librarian actually was, but she appeared unkind in your experience so I’m taking your word for it. It’s not about labeling someone else. It’s about moving back to a state of peace and harmony within yourself. Also, don’t take what I am saying to suggest that you should keep quiet about treatment you consider harmful to others. You can call someone on their unkind behavior from a place of internal peace. If that’s what you want.

And since this post is a doozy, I’ll quit now. I’m just going to add that being surrounded by people doesn’t mean you aren’t isolated. To observe that so many people around you aren’t as good as you are must be isolating, even if it’s just on an emotional level. I imagine it is difficult to connect with people who seem so problematic for you, especially when almost everyone you come across, with the exception of your family, is problematic. Even so, this is a free universe. You are free to experience life exactly as you want! I love that!!!