I'm not shrink but I'd like to comment on some things you mentioned here since I do alot of what she does.
I have been with someone for 2 years, and we're doing great. However, when there are fights and it is actually my fault I have a great deal of difficulty saying "I'm sorry," but my boyfriend has no problem saying it when he feels he is wrong. From what I have found out, ever since he was little his parents have always apologized to their children when they knew it was their fault, my parents didn't so of course I don't say I'm sorry I say something that sounds like I'm sorry because thats what I have been told. Its difficult to say something, when in your household you've never had it said to you. But don't give up. You see, the only reason I'm able to write this to you is because my bf talked to me about this, alot. No only that but his mother also spoke to me about this. If you have anyone in your family that is overall a very kind and caring person and likes your wife have them try talking to her as well. Its good that she talks to people you love rather than strangers that way she can get closer to them in the process and talk to them when another issue occurs rather than run to a stranger, i.e. that other guy. Its good to not force things as well, at times I felt I was forced to talk about very personal and sensitive things in my life that I wasn't ready for so don't ambush her and grill her for questions about her past life - just let her know that when she feels comfortable enough and when the time is right for her you'll be there to listen. I remember those were the kindest words I ever heard, and it melted my heart to just have those words come from my bf's mouth.
As I said earlier I'm not shrink, but from experience and from friends I've found that if a girl is talking with a guy on the phone and you can immediately tell shes not having a general conversation about the weather or life it's not a good sign. She may have low self-esteem even if she portrays otherwise ( by the way she dresses or her body movement) but this is something that can be fixed by something as simple as saying - honey i love waking up next to you. That way she won't have to go to someone else for the kind words her husband could be giving her.
It's going to take some time I'm sure, but the most important thing, and I can't stress this enough, but the MOST important thing is to not throw up your hands and surrender. Don't give up. Good luck my friend.
P.S. my bf is in the movie business, he makes horror movies and thinks when an alien baby bursts out of a person cavity chest that its the most exciting and awesome thing. I happen to be terrified of horror movies and can't sleep at night due to them. But my love for him makes me love his crazy fantasies and I've come to admire him because he sees things differently from me.