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Re: Sibling exploitation

Hi Dr Robert, Thanks for taking the time to reply to me (and to everyone for their helpful insight). I just have one question. When you say 'you are not that person anymore' do you mean that I was a bad person back then and what I did was bad? I guess I just want to know - was what I did a crime, or is it fairly common among siblings?

Re: Sibling exploitation

What he meant was.. Even if it was, bad how can you expect to judge yourself for it now?? He also meant that a child is a person who develops, and therefore can not have the same perspective on the world as an adult, so you truly are not that person anymore. They way you developed into a person you are now separates you from anything you were before. Your body, your mind, are not the same.

I see you crave comfort in someone telling you, you didn't do a bad thing. And Dr. can tell you that. Butt... here's the trick. The point is not for him to tell you that, you should realize that from the sole attitude of his posts and replays. You need to tell yourself by yourself that it wasn't anything filthy or criminal but perhaps just inquisitive and if anything bad, perhaps naughty. That is the only thing that will help you on the long run. If you yourself believe it.

Who is the one who decides what normal is?? There is no such point in human behavior that can be claimed normal. There is just a spectrum of behavior that we accept and find not intrusive or harmful. Of course that for a person who was a child completely uninterested in anything sexual or etc. every story like this would be grouse and weird. But who are them to decide you are not normal and they are?? I actually find them not normal and kind of concerning. It's simply unnatural and completely not human to me. Who knows what your brother did?? Maybe he read dirty magazines. He most certainly masturbated. Maybe he peeked through a door when you were at the bathroom. Do you understand me? It happens. It's human. And i find it better that a person does it at a child's age and learns from it then when they are grown ups. Then it becomes something completely different.

Hard core religious people and moral prudes find homosexuals disgusting and completely not normal. They say it's against nature and God. But we know such behavior happens in the animal world and there are evidence that many historical figures have in fact had homosexual attachments. Why should I care what someone does between their own sheets or does he push it to a woman or a man. What's the point in me concerning with that??? I read that research showed that most people are actually somewhere in the middle and although not practicing it, it is hiding somewhere in most of us.

Also, sexual experiences with animals. Horrible for most people. And I indeed love animals and don't think they should be exploited. But we are doing that every day. They don't moralize when they put chicken or pork on the table but do when it touches anything sexual. Although some research showed it is far more common then people care to admit and it is one of the oldest perversions, found on many ancient monuments.

So you tell me now? Who you're gonna listen to. Those who are paranoid sex-hating and unrealistic or Dr. who sees people how they truly are, by nature, not by standards of some book or a preach. Neither I would say. Listen to yourself first and the most. If you feel guilty it means you feel sorry. If you feel sorry it means you are a good person and want to make an atonement. And I bet you wouldn't get so much guilt if you beat someone up. Or stole something. It is only because it's kind of sexual but it wasn't that much in your case. Mass hysteria. That is all.

If you are a mother, or are going to be one day, please do better than most people are these days. It doesn't mean you shouldn't be a good Christian (or whatever faith you are) but trust your own judegement first and fore most. And do not demonize or overreact and pretend like we are so much better then we truly are. A girl kissing her brother. Please. Is this what we are coming to?? Let's all be sick and in pain and have mental problems, because we are all abused by someone in a way. That is, if we choose to call it abuse. We are only abusing ourselves and our own mind in my opinion. Best to you.

Re: Sibling exploitation

Thanks so much for all your great advice. I feel so much better about things having read your comforting posts.

Re: Sibling exploitation

BT - Thanks for all you said. I am curious to know, have you found a way to deal with your own experience. I notice you said a while back that you confided in your mother. Are you feeling better about things?

Re: Sibling exploitation

Thanks so much for you reply. You really helped me understand things a lot better. It's amazing to know I'm not the only person who has felt this way.