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i love my gynecologist

i'm 24 years old women married since one year, my husband is a good men he treats me good but i don't feel attracted to him nor sexually ..i'm living life i don't want and feel depressed all time, but i'd like to be mother and that's what push me to get married..i visited a gynecologist to help me have a baby because i discoverd that i have some problems and i need stimulation for ovulation..i didnt get positive results so i transfered to another gynecologist..he is a 50 years old married and has one child..he was very nice and show me a lot of care and i visited him many times without feeling anything anormnal, all was good he showed me care and i really was admiring him as a doctor..and i didn't take his complements as personal..he did for me an operation to remove a fibroid and was a very good caring that time my husband was traveling and i was palnning to follow him when i get ready to be pregnant..after the operation i had an appointment for check up, we were talking about the next step of treatment and suddenly he told me that i'm a very beautiful women and he was looking at me in a very special way, he asked me why i look so sad and if i have problem but i didn't answer.. i went to my home i was thinking of him and i was wonderring if we can be friends because he is a very good doctor and he noticed that i'm not happy so he might help me to organise my life..i sent him a message that i wish we can be friends and if he can help me.. he called me and told me that we are more than friends and is wainting me on monday to talk..i started to think of him i felt very attracted to him..monday i went to the clinic, we talked about my life and my experience he was very nice and understood me..he said that if i'm not happy i should not travel to my husband and have a baby now or at least if want travel wait small before having babies but i said that i want a baby now even if i'm sure i will divorce because babies are my goal in i took medecines and injections and before i go he kissed and hugued me..after few days i called him to ask about a medecine he asked me how i'm doing and what i decided and he told me to come if i want to talk..i went after 3 days, he told the secretary to leave me till the end because i need time, and when he finished from all patients he told the secretary to go. we were alone he was saying that we can have a relation and there is a mutual attraction and having a relation will make me feel good and so on..and then he kissed me and... i was very happy with him and satisfied but i stoppped because i felt guilty and doesn't want things to get worse..we talked few times after but nor personally it was about treatment.. i can't stop thinking of him, i want him to stay my gynecologist because he is a very good doctor but i don't know how to deal with him, and nor what he is thinking of..why he didn't call ta talk about what happened or didn't want to see me again as that time..i have appointment next week but i don't feel ok..i really love him.. i'm married but in love with my gynecologist who is married,who is 50 years old and who might have hundreds relations and i'm sure what happened with me happened with others patients..please help can i forget..why that's happened for me and foe him??

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