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Terrified of/obsessed with the death of family members

I am a female living in the UK. I've had this problem in some form as long as I can remember, but instead of lessening with time, a childhood fear I grew out of, it seems to have grown with me into a big, big problem.

I'm terrified of the possibility of my family members dying. I also seem to be obsessed with the idea - every time one of them is going somewhere (so basically every day), I get really scared they'll never come back. I live with my mother and younger brother, who is 20. Mainly I tend to worry about him - and ALWAYS have done, since I was a very little girl - but in the last couple of years it's started happening with my mother too. Even more recently, with my father who does not live with us anymore.

I'm so scared one of them will go missing or have a horrible accident or kill themselves. It's not a case of 'what if this happens', more a case of 'this WILL happen'. I am finding it very difficult to live with now, as it just gets worse as I get older and is basically now ruling my life. I ask them endless questions about where they're going, what they're doing, who they're meeting so that I can be on the ball if something goes wrong. I set them times in my head to be back by and if that time passes with no show, I panic. I find it very hard to leave my house even if one of them is out, in case the phone rings and I'm not there to answer it, or they come back and I miss them and that would have been the last time I saw them.

I have little life left because of this problem. I feel very pessimistic and negative a lot of the time. I choose not to see my friends because it puts too much strain on my mind, wondering what's going on at home and if everyone's alright. I haven't been able to bring myself to go away to university or do any of the things I wanted to do when I was younger because I'm so controlled by my fear. I'll turn 23 tomorrow and I feel like my life is over already.

I wish I knew what was wrong.

Re: Terrified of/obsessed with the death of family members

Your problem seems way too deepseethed to be discussed in a place like this. I suggest you find a therapist you can work with comfortably. You cannot rationalize the fear away because in reality, accidents can happen so you need to work with someone to help you cope with the reality of our mortality rather than make-believe that everything will always be fine.

Re: Terrified of/obsessed with the death of family members

Very good advice, Hexi. I agree with it, and hope that Jethro will find a good therapist to help her work through this problem, which, as you suggest, very likely has to do, at least in part, with acceptance of mortality.

Be well.

Re: Terrified of/obsessed with the death of family members

Nothing does be happening to yours BROTHER. If you DOES worryes about DEATH in LIFE then you does makes what you FEAR happen already. You not can enjoy life if you DOES fears all time so when you DOES worryes about death it maybe does comes EASYER but also you remembers maybe that you did WASTED that time with WORRYING. So looks outside there will always be new day COMMING up.

I also thinks that maybe you does should go to therapy too.

Be well.