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Self-diagnosed Sociopath

As a trained student of psychology, I understand the frequency and ineffectiveness of self-diagnosis. Thus, I thought it prudent to get additional opinions for perspective. Here is my story

Since a young age, I've known I was very different than the people around me. When I was little, I excelled in school, scoring perfect grades and leading my class in an extremely exclusive private school. I was head of my high school chess team despite being in second grade. I managed this with very little effort. Over the last few years, I've taken various IQ tests, averaging just over 180. Admittedly, in addition to knowing I was above average intellectually, I've always thought of myself as even higher than I probably am. Statistically, I'm barely over 5 standard deviations above average, but in my mind, everyone else is plebeian. I think of everyone I know in degrees of idiocy, and it is unconscionable for me to imagine someone even slightly more intelligent than I am. Despite being about average athletically, I've always considered myself the best at any sport I've engaged in, only recently even noticing that I may not be. Back again through my childhood, I failed to make any lasting relationships. I rarely had a single friendship last longer than a year, though this never bothered me. While I certainly enjoyed the company, I did not feel anything for the people around me, and simply saw them as ways to escape the monotony of life. I never really understood the range of emotions expressed by others. I imagined I was simply bad at expressing my emotions, or that I didn't feel emotions as strongly as others.
Now that I'm older (in my 20s) and have lived this way for long enough, I can see easily that there is a wide range of emotions that I simply do not experience. I know guilt is the typical alarm-bell, but the first thing I noticed was missing was grief. During the deaths of friends, teachers, family members I could never understood what other people felt. As an emotion, it was easy enough to fake. I can even cry on cue when I think it will be beneficial to do so. However no matter how often or how hard I think about things I assume should bring about feelings of sadness, I remain ambivalent. For example, my parents' divorce did not cause me a second of notice. However, my sister was devastated and my parents became quickly suspicious of my total apathy. I was sent to a psychiatrist, a particularly talented one considering my mother is a psychiatrist and she hand selected him, to assess my "repressed" sadness. I didn't speak a single word of truth in my sessions with him after introducing myself, and waded through feelings of imaginary sadness I figured I would be uncovering. Eventually, my parents decided I was better. Now to the really tough problem: guilt. Guilt is much harder for me to understand. I get the general idea of rule-breaking and how that makes people feel guilt, but I don't ever feel it myself. Other emotions are easy enough to replicate, but guilt becomes difficult and it can be hard to tell when I should be expressing it. The major motivation not to do things I want to do that I could get in trouble for generally becomes the problem of guilt rather than the punishment. I realize that if I get caught behaving in a way others disapprove of, I am expected to feel guilty. Since it is so difficult to fake, and of course I don't want people to realize I don't feel it, I tend to avoid negative behaviors to avoid having to feign remorse. It is simply too much work. Despite all of my success academically as a child, as I grew older, my grades began to plummet. Homework, classes, projects, exams; I've skipped many times more than I've ever completed. The work seems so beneath me and worthless, I cannot even try to apply myself to it. Sometimes I just wish my professors would have just accepted a sheet of paper with my IQ on it, accepted my intelligence, and not required me to fill in their stupid blanks. In spite of this abysmal work ethic and irresponsibility, I dream of ruling the world. I crave power and am admittedly excellent in positions of leadership. To be honest, and I am very rarely honest, I believe my lack of emotion makes me an excellent rational thinker, which is ideal in a political leader. This being said, my craving for power is not materialistic. I've never particularly cared about objects so much as control. I am incredible at manipulation, and more often than not, successful at it. I lie so frequently and automatically that at times I have trouble distinguishing my lie from the truth.
In addition, apart from this general overview, I have many "symptoms" associated with sociopaths. I suffer from sever sleep disorders, I am somewhat of a pyromaniac, I have never experience what is considered love, I've considered causing harm to others simply to see what it felt like, I've considered suicide, I've had a myriad of sexual partners but never within a relationship, I'm completely distrustful of others, I tend to be easily angered (especially by affronts to me personally) and various other "symptoms" I even had Nocturnal Enuresis until I was in my early teens, which is in Macdonald's Triad, even if it is simply linked to abuse rather than sociopathy.
However I've never been abused physically by my parents, I've never had any interest in animals (hurting them or otherwise,) and I've never stolen anything of value from another person.
Still, I felt it was pretty obvious that sociopathy could be what set me so far apart from others. This was the diagnosis I came to myself, and knowing that self-diagnosis is as reliable as a rusted blunderbuss, I thought I should verify it with others. It is also...relieving to be open when I am not accustomed to it. This seemed like an appropriate channel for killing two birds with one stone. I'm sincere when I say feedback is appreciated, though I don't expect anything.

Re: Self-diagnosed Sociopath

You're one of the few here that i could actually say, based on what you wrote, was a sociopath. I think you should think these questions carefully. If you mess with people, do you do it for self-validation or purely for amusement, regardless of outcome? Do you employ means without an end? Also, if you get the opportunity, you should set some asshole on fire. Judging by what you wrote, we are alike in our "fun times" and that is the most fun i've ever had.

Re: Self-diagnosed Sociopath

yes. you sound like a sociopath to me. I'm interested in what lead you to consider suicide. just out of interest.
only i thought that sociopaths are more likely to commit a homicide than suicide. ;)

and I'm glad you can be open here. I can imagine the tedium in acting all the time.

on a sidenote, to satisfy my own curiosity, do you imagine you'll live a long life, or a shorter one?

in case you haven't already, the blog sociopathworld might be up your alley.

Re: Self-diagnosed Sociopath

Why do you care what plebeians think? The opinions of the insipid masses interests you, why? Why does the intellectual powerhouse need to have anything he thinks confirmed by stupid emotional monkeys?

Why haven't you hurt or killed an animal yet? no hammers?

How many times have you read, "may express desire to rule the world" as a feature of sociopathic thinking and why did you choose to include that as a description of yourself. Do you imagine yourself with a little crown and a scepter? Did it just sound good?

What is the worst thing you've ever done, and how often do you think about it and how it affected others.

where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Re: Self-diagnosed Sociopath

More responses than I expected. I'll answer the question of why I care of what the "insipid masses" think first, as it is the easiest. If you don't understand what people are thinking, you will never get the things you want. I should make it pretty clear that I don't care about you, though I do care about me. I don't really expect anything of value from you, but when you lie to everyone all the time, you feel the urge to let people know that. Not because you feel guilty, but because you want people to know how good at it you are. More importantly, the act of self diagnosis is not particularly effective, and validating my assumptions by any means couldn't hurt. As far as hurting an animal or people go, it's never appealed. When I have hurt others, I've felt no guilt, no thrill, nothing out of the ordinary. For example, when I was in middle school, I hit another student in the head with a bat. Looked like an accident, so I went along with it. Didn't do anything for me, though. And apart from PETA, who cares about animals? They're not intelligent enough to be fun manipulating. I don't know why I'd want to hit one with a hammer, unless I were cooking and eating it or something. People and animals, I suppose, are not worth the effort.
About why I mentioned ruling the world: I want that power. A lot. I included it because it fits and it's probably the only thing that motivates me. I don't want a scepter, I just want the knowledge that snapping my fingers is life or death. Knowing that I have complete control over everything and everyone. 5 years...I don't like looking that far ahead. I'll see when I get there.
Hexi: I like fires, but people don't burn nearly as well as gas or diethyl ether. Actually i did "accidentally" spill some ether on a lab partner once, which "spontaneously ignited." I have to admit, I really enjoyed it. However, I want to get to a place where I can have a lot of power. There are only so many people you can set on fire before someone notices that all the rooms you leave seem to have a bright orange glow emanating from them. The flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long. Also, I prefer manipulating people like sheep to setting them on fire. It's easier to get away with, more fun to watch, and you can generally do it more than once. As to why I do it, I've never really thought about it, to be honest. I just do it. I have zero tolerance for boredom, I have to do something. It passes the time, better than most other things at least. I like the question; I haven't given my reasons the time of day. I think I will start paying more attention to that.
Suicide. As you can imagine, I don't enjoy much, and I hate a lot of things. Rationally, there's a lot more that I hate than I like. It makes sense. I just want to be remembered. Preferably as a hero, I have a good pension for irony. As for long or short life...I don't know. Probably short.
And something to clarify to Bookshelf, I don't think other people are stupid for being emotional. I just think people are stupid. I understand what it means to have emotions. I have feelings. Just not for you, or anyone else. Their are even objects and people I become attached to when I find it useful. Having emotions just makes people different, they're stupid all on their own.
I should make it clear I really don't mind if your comments are confrontational. At all. Say what you mean.

Re: Self-diagnosed Sociopath

Here is where i disagree. In my mind, power over others is a lie, an illusion and when you have power you are accountable for it and the more power you have, the more people you have gunning for that power, which to begin with, is a lie. I would prefer to be the figure behind the power. Let someone else be the one with the bullseye painted on them. Also, i might get bored of it so not being accountable helps when you want to just disappear. Look at the Nazis for example. Decades after the war they were still hunted.

Re: Self-diagnosed Sociopath

It doesn't matter the forum --people get depressed, act out against their loved ones, fuck up their lives and act like little bitches. Then they get on google and diagnose themselves to be sociopaths, find a forum and tell their sob story and talk about how guilty and remorseful they feel for not feeling guilt or remorse.

It feeds their delusions or some such psychobabble.

Your answers are much more in line with sociopathic thinking. Either you've done a lot of reading on the subject and know how to conform your answers, or you're some kind of narcissist or sociopath.

But, without underlying ASPD or conduct disorder at a younger age, unless you have a penchant for violating the rights of others (assault, rape, theft, murder) then you don't meet the clinical definition of a sociopath. right?

simple narcissism comes with a blunted affect, no? As do many other conditions that don't rely on a persons history of violence.

Let me ask, how many times were you arrested when you were under 18? why?

You talk about fire, ever burn anything that wasn't yours to burn?

If your girlfriend is passed out drunk in your bed, do you consider that to tacitly mean "yes?" If you can't wake her up, what would you do?

Do you have friends? Why do you think they still like you?

Can you hold down work?

Re: Self-diagnosed Sociopath

I DOES thinking that maybe your not sociopath. I tells you why i DOES thinks that. You does sayed many things that can means you DOES be sociopath like no grief but maybe you does actually feels grief but just not show it or THINK that "i must feels grief" then you not feels it for some reason. It does be hard sometimes to find real emotion you only has to keep looking.

you sayed you does THINKS others does be stupider than you. That doesnt be because you does be SOCIOPATH that does be because you thinks that not every people does be special. All peoples DOES be special. If you does knows that then you knows ALSO knows that every answer is right. There is many right answers and what you does BELIEFS in not maybe always right. But you also did sayed "I've always considered myself the best at any sport I've engaged in, only recently even noticing that I may not be." that means maybe you does KNOWS this.

I not knows why you does not COMPLETES studying. there dosent be studying to look how good you does BE it be because to improve yourself. I does thinks that does SOUNDS a bit weird. Maybe you not speaked with your true heart?

"I'm sincere when I say feedback is appreciated, though I don't expect anything." You does means that you not wants peoples help? You does sayed yourself that you DOES thinks other people does be stupid. And maybe you does be afraid to makes youself looks like you does needs HELP or that you CARES about this? Maybe you did SEENED others does be gotten replys that does acts like they does knows everything.

"I didn't speak a single word of truth in my sessions with him after introducing myself, and waded through feelings of imaginary sadness I figured I would be uncovering." Why you not speaked true? Maybe he can answers yours in your PROBLEMS.

I does also SEENED that you does sayed you did ENJOYED hurting your FRIEND and that you does also ENJOYS manipulating peoples. You does be maybe only think that it does be CHALLENGES. Does you maybe thinks that if you DOES manipulates peoples then that means those peoples DOES be stupid because they can BELIEFS something you says and DOES do things that you MANIPULATES them do. Has you been manipulated youself? What you did thinked if you did GOTTED manipulated i means what you did FEELED?
When did you thinks first time that you CAN manipulates peoples?

Everyone else did posted important QUESTIONS so i does posts mine too. What does you thinks does be YOUR life philosophy? What does you respects? it can be things like LOVE or WISDOM or POWER or INTELIGENCE or MEANING or GENEORISTY or FRIENDSHIP.

Maybe you should tryes to go to church and see that maybe DOES helps.

ALSO i does thinks that maybe Hexi does thinks you be sociopath because you does has some things Hexi does has. But i not thinks that be ENOUGH to says you does be sociopath. I thinks maybe sociopathy not exists at all. I not seened SOCIOPATH ever myself.

Be well.