I am writing to you out of concern for my mother-in-law. My wife and I are in complete agreement that her boyfriend is not sincere in his feelings for her. My mother-in-law Joan is 76 years old and her boyfriend Paul is 43 years old. Joan was happily married to her 2nd husband when he fell ill and passed away. We suggested she move to be closer to us. Joan found a beautiful home and needed some remodeling done. Paul was the construction foreman. Paul was married at the time and we never thought he was anything more than a nice man who seemed to like helping Joan. At the time Paul was married. Moving nearer to the present, Joan decided to sell her home and move just a short distance away. She had a custom home built on a nice lot and the construction crew included Paul as the foreman. Construction continued for over a year and Joan and Paul saw each other frequently. Again, we had no idea of what was happening. At this point Paul is still married. Upon completion of the home Joan held a party for all the workers and their families. Paul showed up without his wife. I approached him and asked some questions concerning his family. He seemed very uncomfortable. Shortly thereafter Joan announced that they were a couple. They both like to drink and socialize.
My concern is based on a perspective of being a male, 51, who cannot personally fathom having intimacy with a woman 33 years older than me. I'm a professional who works at times with large groups of men and I have brought up the situation with some of them. Not one of my associates believes that it can be true love, but it is more an investment on his part in enabling a secure future. Joan is wealthy and Paul has a modest income. I should note that his job does not provide any benefits, and he recently was charged with a DUI. Bottom line, there appear to be issues.
I believe there are four possibilities at play.
1. He has mommy issues, ala an Oedipus type Complex. 35% possibility.
2. He's a grifter. 50% possibility.
3. He's gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. 14.9% possibility.
4. True love. .1% possibility.