I've known my bf for a year. He is 20. Nothing is lacking in our relationship sexually. I know in the past about a year ago he looked at escort ads many times. He said he would look at it for fun with his friends to make fun of them and set up fake appointments. He also says he really hates escorts, prostitutes, slutty girls and that they are filthy. He says this A LOT without me even asking him. He told me he would never look at the escort ads again and that it was a thing of the past he did for fun with friends. I recently found out he looked at them again. He was searching for local escorts (his searches was always for local escorts). He first said his search lead him there. Then he later admitted he used escorts ads to get horny and masturbate. Not just this time but for the past as well. He says he doesn't imagine having sex with the specific women he looks at, but he does imagine sex in general. To me, this is big red flag, that he has a thing for hookers and possibly might see one, if not already. If he hates hookers so much like he always says, I don't see why he uses them specifically as his source for porn? I think he is or one will use escort services. Also he suays he doesn't imagine having sex with the women he looks at when masturbating, just me. This disturbs me because he cannot admit the truth. He always tries to act "perfect". At the moment I'm not speaking to him. I talked to him about it already but I dont feel the same about him. I really need opinions and what you think of him and his actions? What should I do?
Sounds like he doesn't want a relationship. Might be addicted to escorts from his masterbation. Does he masterbate with you?
No not with me, by himself. I told him I don't want a relationship but he keeps saying he wants to be with me. I agree, from his actions it doesn't seem like it's a serious relationship.
Ignore silvano, he is bitter as hell, feeling insecure and ignorant. Everyone masturbates to something, the object of ones fantasy has no relation to reality. The fact that he cares and, like you said, apparently declares to hate them is a clear indication that he secrectly wants to "fuck a dirty whore in the ass, while slapping her on her asscheeks" or something along those lines. If it's not a serius relationship you want to invest in, then don't but talking to him about it and not bitching like you women do would be a start. There is a reason why you can think about ANYTHING, attach the word 'porn' to it and google it and you will find a website dedicated to such a fetish.
Sounds like a fetish...
girls.... sigh. always gotta be the center of attention. Let a man have his turn-ons, damnit! And try to have fun with it. You're missing a hell of an opportunity for some good ole' fashion role-play action. You want to seal the deal with this guy? You want his full undivided erection all for yourself all of the time, then try this:
send him a text message that reads like an escort ad. "Looking for the full GFE? I'm taking appointments from discrete gentlemen, call (your phone number) and you won't be disappointed," or some such business.
I think you see where i'm going with this. Play it up, when he calls set a time. tell him to bring money. tell him it's "all inclusive." (he'll know what that means, wink wink.) but play the part and don't answer questions about what's going on. He'll be confused so just tell him to come over at 7 or whatnot. and tell him to Bring Money (i can't stress that enough.)
Vamp it up. Stockings, heels. wear a thong. You know the drill. Get sexy for him. Lots of glam. Change your look, wear your hair differently -be differently. be... sex it's self. don't let him ask questions, just open the door and when his jaw hits the floor and his knees get all shaky, ask him for the money. no freebies.
You can probably figure out the rest, but, afterwards i'd tell him his time is up and kick his ass out. So, for that time you really get to BE his fantasy, and then he's back to reality. if you can separate the experience from reality as much as possible (candle lit rooms, background music, perfumed air, anything that's not the norm) then it'll reinforce the idea of fantasy come true. but make it end so it has more impact.
Really, he would eat it up like you would not believe. And every time he wanted to masturbate, you'd be right there in his mind, front and center.
...then, if you like, maybe a few months later, send him another text and do it again. (and have used that original money he gave you for some new skin tight outfit. see, i had a plan for that money all along.)
you can let the idea of his having a turn-on destroy your relationship. I'm just saying, maybe he gets off on "the dirty thrill," and maybe you can be a dirty girl for your "perfect" guy. if only on occasion. or maybe not...
I don't mind role play butall I'm saying is this really just a turn in fantasy or does he actually see or has seen hookers. The reason why I'm
asking is because he told me MANY times how much he hates hookers and so on. But he masturbates to them? Does this mean he is misleading me from the fact that he is seeing them?
I think the issue here is really about accessibility. If it was porn stars in a video you'd have the same reaction? nah, you'd probably just look the other way and let him look at his videos. But with the escorts they are advertising that actual experience, and it's only a quick dial away.
You disapprove of the fact that she can be contacted. if he really wants it he can have it, and maybe that's what he gets off on -the idea that the girl is close. Porn is voyeurism, maybe he just likes the extra rush that you get when that person doesn't feel quite so far away and removed.
But as for the real reason why, only he really knows and what he is telling you is that it's no big deal. Either you'll trust him or you won't, and that's a whole other issue.
Idiot, read the effing question she actually is asking:
"Why is he giving me UNSOLICITED complaints and words of contempt for something he is clearly drawn to?"
She is not whining or complaining that he's masturbating. Goodness gracious.
The projection of your own situations is thick in this thread.
This is a clear example of projection. The men replying to this question and finding a way to blame her for "bitching" and "not letting have is fun" clearly didn't read her question very well.
To me it seems Brook is completely fine to his masturbating to porn (it's pretty well known these days that men do this, no big deal).
Her main concern is why is he so adamant (WITHOUT HER ASKING) about hating hookers so much and then going back to it time and again.
You guys have to read the question before going off in your nagging trips on the poor girl who asked an innocent question about her boyfriend's obvious inability to work out a problem, and not any concern about the actual masturbation.
I can say sexist things, too: "Men... they just don't listen to the facts and just make up stuff in their heads turning a situation into a different problem from what it actually is."
Thank you! At least you understood what I am asking :)