where do I start?

Sometime in May of 2009 i returned to Dubai after a great two month vacation in Toronto, I came back with a clear head, I was so happy and I felt like a new person, its been years since I took a vacation, and after coming back i thought " why didn't i do this before? I should do this more often"...

I was visiting my friend who is landlord here in Dubai, while I was in his office one of his tenants walked in the office, my friend had a big whiteboard in his office where he wrote down tenant complaints, she picked up a marker and wrote her apartment number on the whiteboard,

the second she walked in I fell in love, she was full of life and energy, i felt like she lit up the room with her cute sense of humor, she seemed so outgoing friendly and funny, she was wearing flip flops a tank top and some old track pants no makeup but I always liked that in a girl, she had the cutest accent, she was Brazilian and had been living in Dubai for 4 Years......

I was really shy at first and we talked for a little bit, she sat with us and we ordered lunch, we all ate together then before she went to her apartment I asked her if I could add her on facebook , I was too intimated to ask for her number so i figured this way i wont embarrass myself, no way a girl this cute would be single ....

she had over a thousand friends which made me think " either this girl just sits around at home and adds people all day or shes the most popular girl in the city who knows", well about two weeks later i saw her in my friends office again, i told her I wanted to see "Land of the lost" she said she wanted to see it too, she told me to call her, i was so happy, i went home messaged her my number and sure enough she messaged me hers.....

I remember when we went out the first time she made a remark about her ex-boyfriend that struck me as odd , she said " he lives in Germany, I wanted to get pregnant by him and not tell him , he was a really good looking guy so I'd have a good looking baby".....

she was 30 and I was 33, we where both born in the same month, we where spending so much time together, in fact we where inseparable, we had so much in common, we liked the same movies, same shows , same music, we laughed at the same things, I never wanted her to leave.....

it wasn't long after we met that she asked me to go on vacation with her to Thailand, I quickly said yes, we met in May our birthdays where in September, it was like a dream come true, i felt like I met the perfect girl, but I felt like the more I got to spend time with her the more I found out things that just didn't sound right.....

one time she showed me a picture of her ex not the German guy, her ex from back when she lived in Brazil, " he was 17 when we went out and 6 years younger than me.....we went out 3 years when I came her I found out he was talking to other girls on the internet so I dumped him".....

she would talk about her German ex boy friend a lot how he was terrible in bed even though he was extremely well endowed, she told me they met at a trade show, stayed in touch online , she traveled to Germany to see him for a week, then he travelled back to Dubai to see her, thats when they broke up, I would find out later that this relationship only lasted 3 weeks all together, I assumed the way she talked about him that they been together at least one year, after all she did travel to see him....
she would tell me that in the 4 years she lived in Dubai the longest she was ever involved with someone was 3 weeks...


she also mentioned how she got back in touch with someone she had a crush on when she was younger, she found him on facebook, she traveled to China to see him, she told me she thought the guy was her "soul mate", she happened to get drunk and told him that then he let her know that he didn't see things that way......

another thing I found to be odd was even though she seemed like the coolest most fun person to be with she had no friends, she talked about some guy "Memo", she called him her best friend, I would later find out that he was seven years younger than she was...

she was very honest about that fact that she liked younger men, when my 19 year old brother came over, I didn't know what to think the way she was looking at him, i started thinking maybe shes with me because I look a lot younger than my age. I workout 6 days a week and i'm very lean and athletic, most people say i look 26 to 28 at the most.......

I was really excited about going on vacation with her but day after day she was acting stranger and stranger.......

she would say things like " don't love me" or " don't get mad at me after a few months and start telling me that you wasted your time with me" ,
sometimes she'd say " I don't care about you", " I don't feel anything" , the most line I got was " you are not my boy friend", for some reason I didn't take those things seriously after all we where together all the time, the only times we weren't is when she was at work or if she stopped by her apartment to pick up her change of clothes for work, i took all her silly comments as a joke....

she was extremely mean to everyone, she came across as rude and obnoxious when she was dealing with strangers, the total opposite of what I thought when I first met her........

she kept asking me to help her with the vacation but anyone I suggested anything she would yell at me and get angry so I let her do all the planning,

we went on vacation and I was having a great time but she'd constantly get mad and start yelling at me , almost every time i took a picture of her she would get mad for some silly reason like me smoking for example and make me delete any pictures i took, i gave up on taking pictures of her a few days into our vacation....... I kept quit and tried not to let it bother me, i remember for example at the airport check-in line when we where returning to Dubai, i told her i was going to the bathroom , when i came back she totally snubbed me when I asked her what airline we where flying on, she had the habit of snubbing me whenever she felt like it , she would tell me a few weeks later that she snubbed me because " she wanted to go to the bathroom first".......

I introduced her to my parents, my brothers and my best friends, my friends are some of the nicest people you'll ever meet, but for some reason she didn't like them....

day by day things got stranger, she was extremely Jealous but this wasn't normal jealousy I felt that she was delusional , she would check my email, my blackberry and my facebook all the time, anytime a female friend would write on my facebook wall or comment on my picture she would go into a mad rage , the fact was my female friends didn't even live in Dubai, they where overseas in the US or in turkey or in the UK, some I haven't seen in at least 2 years, some I haven't seen for more than 10, it didn't make sense to me that she would get angry at such thing, after all was she expecting me to pack up my bags and travel to Turkey, England or America just to meet them?

I almost never go out, the highlight of my dad was going to the gym or laying on the beach, I stay at home and play a lot of video games and watch movies, I don't go out to clubs or bars so I didn't see any reason why she would be so jealous or angry at me..... she would always send me messages on my blackberry, if I wouldn't reply within one minutes she would go mad, she would ask me to send her pictures via blackberry all the time to show her what I was doing and who I was with.......

A lot of times we would be laying down together watching a movie after just having had dinner then she would just get up and leave, I would find out later that while she was laying down, she was checking my facebook page on her phone and noticed that some "girl" wrote me a comment, I felt that she was so immature and acted more like a 13 year old girl, anytime I would angry at her she would just get angrier and angrier so I kept quit most of the time.... she deleted me from her friends list and refused to add me, I found it ironic that she added both my brothers to her list but for some reason decided to block me, I would deactivate my page because I felt that it was ridiculous, immature and embarrassing that a couple in there 30's would be fighting over such things....

The irony of the whole situation is she saw it was ok for her to add random strangers, talk to them and communicate with them, she would add strangers to her blackberry and chat with them all day and at the same time accuse me of doing the same , whenever I questioned her she'd yell at me with the usual " you're not my boy friend " line, I would think to myself "If I wasn't your boy friend than why are you being so Jealous and controlling?!"

She would constantly make fun of me and say hurtful demeaning things, I was out of work at the time, if I was infront of my computer for too long checking emails, she would make a sarcastic remark like " checking your emails? seeing if business is ok?"

whenever I told her that I loved her she would get mad and start arguing with me that I didn't......

she never once told me that she loved me or that she missed me, she rarely showed any signs of affection toward me, she always wanted to have sex almost daily, if I didn't feel like having sex she'd get very angry and assume that I was cheating on her or that something was wrong...... even when we did have sex if she didn't get an orgasm she would get extremely angry at me and start a fight....

Another strange fact is she can look me in the eye and say something to me and then totally deny that she ever said it a few days later, it didn't make any sense whatsoever, it happened a lot of times and I found that to be very strange........

She seemed so unforgiving, whenever she would go into a fit or rage if I happened to fight back she would always hold whatever I said to her against me, she would forget everything she said and make me look like I was the aggressor, everything was always my fault, she would frequently say things like "you treat me like shit', " you have no feelings" , "No heart".....

Around December she went on vacation to Brazil for three weeks, while she was there she constantly sent me messages asking me where I was or what I was doing, I always had to snap pictures with my phone and send them to her, she still managed to get mad while she was on vacation either for not replying soon enough to her texts or for being out to late with one of my friends ....

when she came back I assumed she'd come back with a clear head after her vacation overseas but things only got worse, I remember Christmas eve, she got into one of her moods and decided to up and leave, I got angry and told her " Did you leave anything here? you should take it with you"...... I was getting sick of her behavior , a few days later I went to her apartment and asked her to come back, she did but she would never let go or forgive me for " kicking her out " ......

I remember sometime in February she went to a concert with her friend Memo, who I mentioned was seven years younger than she was, I stayed at home and played video games, a friend came over to visit me, she texted me on her way back and asked me to clear the drive way, I had a 2 car garage so I had to move my car so she can take my spot, she didn't want to walk in the rain, well I got distracted with my visitor, I would later get a text from her that she drove home because I didn't clear the drive way, I waited for her for hours then she ditched me because I didn't clear the drive way.... a few days later I bought her flowers and kept them infront of her apartment , when I texted her to ask her if she got my "Gift" she replied back " I don't like flowers".......

I never understood why she couldn't express any emotion with me other than anger, even though she stayed with me all the time, even though we cooked together, we slept together and practically lived together, even though I talked to her about both of us moving in together and talked to her about having kids, I felt that no matter how much love and attention I gave her, nothing I did was good enough, I felt like I was trying to fill up the grand canyon with a water pistol, it was so frustrating, nothing made sense to me...

I would go online and look up disorders, one day I would think maybe something happened to her when she was a child, one other day I would think she is severely depressed, one other day I would be convinced she was a borderline, most of the time I assumed she had to be a sadistic psychopath....

My friends know me for being a very happy and friendly person, I always like to joke and make other laugh, I feel that most people like me I have no enemies and I am not bitter but for some reason the one person I cared about the most made me feel as if she hated me and enjoyed making me miserable, sometimes i would feel that she had some sort of a trigger in her brain , whenever she saw me in a happy cheerful mood she would ruin it somehow , either with her hurtful abusive remarks or by bringing something up that I said months ago, she always bragged about "how she never forgets".....

I can safely say she started every fight, and whenever she managed to push me over the edge and I lost my temper she would use what I said against me and act as if nothing happened from her part, i couldn't believe how selfish she was , I never in my life experienced anything of this sort.....

The Final straw was on Valentines day , I was waiting for her to come back from work, I texted and called her a few times and I got no reply, I assumed she was busy, then she finally texted me back " go fuck yourself , I never want to see you again".... I kept asking her what was wrong and she gave no explanation except that it was over..... I got angry and replied back " you are a sick psychotic bitch" and that was the end of it or at least i thought......

a few weeks later I would find out the reason she broke up with me was when she woke up she checked my phone and noticed I got a " Happy Valentines day" text from a friend who lives in Turkey who I haven't seen in a couple of years, she saw the text and replied back from my phone "I'm sick of you bitch", she deleted all the texts so I wouldn't find out.....

Three months went by........

DATE 1

I thought I would text her to see how she was doing, she texted back and we met again, she asked me to meet her at the mall, when she saw me she acted very formal and shook my hand like I was at a business meeting, we talked for a bit had dinner and she was gone....

she would text me from time to time and whenever I'd text her back she would totally ignore me, she was playing sick mind games, I thought after being apart for three months she would come to her senses and realize that I loved her and really wanted us to have a future together but it was clear that I was very wrong......

I remember one time she said something like " so you won't talk to me unless i talked to you?" I replied she ignored me for a good hour , then I said " I thought you wanted to talk" she quickly replied " who said I wanted to talk?!".....

DATE 2

About two weeks after I got back in touch with her she messaged me out of nowhere and told me "she was sad and if she talked she would cry", I felt bad and picked her up, i took her for dinner then to the movies, we went for a long drive and she started telling me how she met a 26 year old bisexual french boy shortly after she broke with me and fell in love with him, she started talking to me about how they had sex and it was "The Best sex she ever had, the best , it was amazing, I never in my life had sex that good", she told everyone including her parents she had a boy friend, she exchanged keys with him, she said she got angry at him because he wouldn't have sex with her, she thought it was very strange, later on his 27th birthday she bought him a custom made gold necklace and went to spend the weekend with him, he dumped her on his birthday and refused to give her an explanation, all together her "relationship" with the French boyfriend who claimed to be bi-sexual lasted a good 3 weeks.......

My friends would later tell me that a brainless monkey could tell after 3 seconds of meeting him that he was clearly homosexual, they cracked jokes at her about how she should introduce him to her gay neighbor next door, that the two of them would make a great couple.... One of my friends was in total shock when he first met him, she introduced the french gay boy friend to him and after shaking his hand he said " This is the guy you left him for?! and burst in laughter, after that incident she refused to talk to him...... my friends never mentioned any of this to me till later , they didn't want to upset me....

I was in shock she was actually telling me this but I tried to play it off like I didn't care , I said "So what you went out with a guy 3 weeks and you broke up, whats the big deal?" then she yelled " TWO GUYS, I went out with two guys, the first guy I didn't love him, I just used him, he went out with two of my friends then I went out with him but he was bad in bed, he was 30 but he looked 22, I just used him, i will never see him again!"..... then she starting ranting " I can't believe I gave him my necklace, anyway I left him first he didn't leave me, yah I broke up with him, I gave him his house key first so I broke up with him, I should take back the necklace anyway he had a small dick, he was only good in bed one time but he has a small dick I don't want to stay with him anyway".....

here I was trying to absorb what she said to me, after all I went out with her 9 Months and she refused to even acknowledge that I was her boyfriend, she dumped me without giving me a reason and here she is sitting next to me talking to me about her sexual adventures like nothing every happened between us, I didn't get it, how could she be so insensitive? How could she even tell me these things? Doesn't she think its wrong ? I was seeing other people while we were separated but I had absolutely no intention whatsoever of mentioning it to her ......

I tried to stay composed then thought I might as well ask since she was in a talking mood, " Did you have sex with your ex-boyfriend while you where in Brazil?" she quickly answered " YES!!!!"

I said " so you made my life a living hell whenever a friend of mine that didn't even live in the same country would text me online or send me a message to check on me but you don't think its a big deal that you went out and had sex with another man ?" her answer was " but it was nothing hes only 24, hes my ex it didn't mean anything!.... look if I didn't tell you wouldn't know" nothing she was saying made any sense , absolutely to remorse, no guilt, no shame , no emotion, she didn't even feel like she did anything wrong, I never in my life experienced anything like this ever.....

I pretending as if I wasn't hurt and didn't care and took her home, she asked me " You want to go to the mall with me tomorrow?" again shes talking to me like nothing happened, and here I was saying " yes sure".......

DATE 3:

The next day I picked her up again, my 19 year old brother happened to be flying to Germany for his summer internship, we drove him to the airport then came back to my house, one thing lead to another and we ended up having sex, i cooked her lunch then i took her to the mall, we had some frozen yogurt and walked around she was clearly sad, we both went back to her place, I missed her and didn't want to leave her alone, when I was in her apartment I noticed a nice box of chocolates, I asked her for one piece, she looked at me and said "NO" I assumed she was joking, I said just one I really wanna try it , she looked at me with a angry face then opened her fridge, she had a open bar of dark chocolate that looked like it was in the fridge with a month, I was so hurt, it didn't make sense I never said no to her but for some reason she always said no to me, I heard NO so many times and could never figure out why, her impulses always screamed "NO"....

the next day I picked her up again, we came back to my house, I cooked for her and we sat down and watched tv, when I tried to put my arms around her she got angry, and said "Don't touch me", as far as i remember we had sex the day before, again it didn't make sense, she was so unpredictable......

I was trying to get to the root of the problem, the source of all her anger,

me : "how come you never mention your father and always talk about your mom?"
her: " I hate him, I have no respect for him.... he is 63 and diabetic, he sits infront of us and shoots himself with insulin, why does he have to do this infront of us? do we have to see him shoot himself? he is disgusting,
me: " but he is your father , hes sick , hes diabetic , don't you feel bad?" ,
her: "NO, I hate him, when I was a kid my mom took me to a psychiatrist because of that but I still hated him"
Me: "Did he ever do anything to you? Did he hit you?"
her: "Never , look you think I am a monster because I don't like my father? I am not"

I quickly changed the subject and started asking her if she thought it made any sense why she broke up with me, if she felt bad about what she put me through, if she really believed that it was worth it to dump me because a friend of mine who didn't even live in the country sent me a happy valentines day text, after a long argument she looked me straight in the eye and said "you know what I am happy you are angry, you where not my boy friend".....i looked at her and said " so what was I? you where using me?!", she looked me straight in the eye and burst out in laughter "Yes I used you"....

At this moment I lost it, I went off for a good hour and a half, I kept talking and talking and somehow every word I said got through to her,

I let it all out .....

"I feel sorry for you , you know that? " when she said why, I quickly replied 'Because I can find someone younger than you , prettier than you and way nicer than you and you'll still be alone and miserable that's why"

" We went out 9 months, you met my mother, father, brothers , cousins , my entire family, we went on vacation together, we practically lived together, and still after all that you would look me in the eye and say that I wasn't your boy friend, does that seem normal to you?"

"4 years and you never been with anyone more than three weeks, does that seem normal to you?"

"lets see between November and March you had sex with me , your ex-boyfriend, some guy who had sex with two of your friends and a flaming homo-sexual that was clearly going through a midlife crisis and you think that is normal?"

"You think its normal to fall in love with someone who everyone knows is gay but for some reason you can't see it?"

" Your fucked in the head you know that? Even your mom knows that cause she took you to a psychiatrist when you where 16"

"So everyone is wrong but you are right? You think all these guys are wrong?"

"A box of chocolate?! you won't even give me a damn chocolate?"

" Do you honestly think your a good person?"

she broke down and I saw tears come down her eyes, even after everything she said and did, when I saw her cry i felt so guilty, somehow I saw her like a little kid who yells at his mom and tells her that he hates her and wishes she was dead but deep inside that kid didn't mean anything he said, sadly that is how I always looked at her...

After about a good hour and a half of just me yelling and her listing and crying, I ran out of things to say, I got up to my room, I gave her back the two t-shirts she bought me, she looked at me and said "I don't want used t-shirts" I said " if you don't take them i will throw them in the garbage" she looked at me in shock, she asked me to call a cab I felt so bad, I took her home, the drive back was so quite, you could here a pin drop, when i got to her house I asked her if she was going to be ok, she said "yes"....

I sank into a deep depression, I was full of guilt and shame over what happened, I couldn't believe that this just happened to me, I never experienced anything this bad my entire life, how could I have been this stupid? How did I let it drag this long? Why didn't I end it earlier, it was too late, the damage was done, know I had to live with what happened and move on.......

I started reading books about psychopathy and borderline personality disorders, I was obsessed with trying to figure out what just happened to me and if it was my fault, was I in the wrong? was I really the one being selfish? why did I feel so guilty and bad about what happened? I was desperate in trying to make sense of what happened....

Does it really matter what this woman is? She is evil incarnate. Period.

I would suggest you read "The 48 Laws of Power".
http://www2.tech.purdue.edu/cg/courses/cgt411/covey/48_laws_of_power.htm

Pay particular attention to number 2 and 10. You have an unlucky girl there that will destroy you. She found a feast and she used you well.

The best thing you can do is forget. A good person feels bad, blames themselves, rethinks things over and tries to fix the relationship. You will be destroyed if you think too long on this one.

Just walk away. I know it is hard. I have had to do the same.

Evil is an appealing beast. If she wasn't, you wouldn't be so drawn to her.

Walk away from your beast. Her fur is slick and her teeth deadly.

Just my two cents.

thank you for your reply, the word "Devil Incarnate" stuck in my head , it makes so much sense , I truly for some time started believing that she was possessed, that something was seriously very wrong, yes she is the Devil Incarnate..

I read your entire post and if it wasn't real I wouldn't have believed it. The lady has issues, that's for certain. Let her deal with it.

What's a more important question is why are you wasting your time trying to find reasons for her behaviour? Why did you put up with her not just being cruel to you but rude to your family?

You're worth more than that. Find someone who truly appreciates you.

I kept asking myself the same question, this was so out of character for me to put up with what I put up with, I honestly started thinking she put some sort of spell on me, don't get me wrong im not the superstitious type but I was almost as shocked by me sticking around than by what she was doing..... on a positive note I just came back from a visit to a psychiatrist, I was experiencing a lot of anxiety and felt like I was gasping for air the entire day,I would all the sudden feel like my vision is blurry and get very light headed, just a horrible feeling unlike anything I experienced my entire life..... it kept getting worse and worse so I knew I had to get help,

my doctor gave me a prescription for Effexor, and also Alprazolam( Xanax), I hope in time I will go back to my Normal cheerful and happy self and look back at my horrible experience and laugh about it.

thank you so much for actually reading my story, its too embarrassing for me to talk about what happened to me I had to vent out somehow so I decided to just write

god bless :-)

Website: www.facebook.com/2Guilty