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Re: Is this common...

hi dear. you are right. it's not normal at all but there are some people like you outside. you can keep planning your own way and hope for better but you shouldn't get anxious. i think it can be a possitive credit for you. try to remember when it started and assess when they happen. then, write back.

Re: Is this common...

When I think about it I have no idea when it started. Maybe high school. But I dont think it was nearly this bad. I think growing up I've always been book smart but since I was so sheltered I lacked some street smarts. By the time I got to high school I wised up a bit because being naive left me shocked with the real reality of things.

Im just afraid of making mistakes and I don't want to do the wrong thing or make the wrong choice. My best friend in my freshman year took advantage of me. I don't like to think about it or use the "R" word because I still don't know what to make of it but I was depressed all school year and I grew tired of having hate in my heart so I tried to forgive and forget. We had the same friends so trying to avoid it was exhausting. Soon as I tried to be okay he tried it again and I burst into tears. He felt bad and said I was his friend before anything else and hugged me and apologized. He moved within a yr or so, so I've never had to deal with it anymore.

I think every time I get my hopes up with anything or anyone and I end up disappointed. I think of how I could have seen it coming. That I should have paid attention to this and that. So now I can't connect or attach myself to people because I don't want to be blind to anything. Sucks because I've always been a very social and spontaneous person. And I still am to an extent. Just not when it comes to anything serious or deep.

Any time Im hurt I realize I don't want to feel that way and I figure out how to prevent it. Now it's like I've built a cage around me but I can't get out.

Ugh I just want to be normal again.

Re: Is this common...

you said:

Any time Im hurt I realize I don't want to feel that way and I figure out how to prevent it. Now it's like I've built a cage around me but I can't get out.

You indicate from your own words that you want to prevent being hurt. So perhaps your behavior is an attempt to prevent things that you consider "the wrong thing or make the wrong choice". That sound very normal.

Like any cage however, you have doors. You can open doors or keep them locked. Why not try a different way to prevent problems?

Why not try talking to people and trusting your instinct? We all have "street smarts" it is called instinct. Just listen to yourself talk. Often the answer you seek is in your own mind.

One person inadvertently or perhaps intentionally looked out for his interests and it hurt you. It happens at times. Only through examining yourself can you find a way to let that pain go. We all know after the fact when things go wrong. From now on, try to avoid going with the flow of things of others. Your flow is there...just let it go.

If you know your issue (the original cause of the problem). You can choose to talk this out with a counselor if this is too much of an issue for you alone or you can face up that at one time you just didn't know what the outcome of an event would lead too. It happens to all of us (or most).

There is nothing wrong with just have a fear that has taken hold.

Be forthright...and protect your interests. I have found few people that won't take advantage of a situation when they can. Now you have the wisdom to know in the future. Let it go and move on with your life. Easier said than done. But if you forgive yourself, perhaps the other issues that are bothering you won't control you. You have power over yourself and you can describe one solution...which isn't apparently working for you. Now make a small list of other things that could work and try them.

Re: Is this common...

again hi dear. i think jodartha is right. they say that if you faced a great tall wall on your path, be sure there myst be a key. some friends may betray you, cheat on you or anything else but never stop trying. i think you can start with finding a penpal. i've had penpals before and i think it's a great experience. you can start right now. if you liked you can contact me. or you can find some communities and groups whithin your interest and join them. there you can find so many "true friends". in our culture we belive that if God closes a door based on reasons, he will open thousands of doors based on his kindness.