i really love philosophy but i think it's gonna be a serious problem for me. it's three years or more or less that i feel i'm not here. i see but i think the scene and all the world may be an illusion. i speak but i just feel the waves of my words. i don't think i really speak. my university and my home town are 510 kilometers away. i travel between them but i don't feel any changes in space dimension. it's been always like this. i go to class from a path full of trees but i see myself or i'd better say i feel and imagine i'm in desert.
i read a book. a philosophical book that some have committed suicide after reading that named Blind Owl. in this book the author lives himself in different bodies and characters discussing novel philosophical ideas. one of the characters is a disgusting man with a scarf around his neck. when i finished the book, one day my scarf had fallen on my shoulder. i passed in front of mirror. suddenly i saw that i'm the very disgusting man in yellow teeth, shabby cloths and horrible face. recently i'm reading "Also Sprach Zarathustra". two days ago i went shopping. suddenly i felt i'm Zarathustra!!!
the cases i should tell you are a lot. i'm so sorry that my mail will be so long but i really need to know:
english is my second language. i've just learned English, Italiano and Avestai, and ancient writing language on holy Avesta. i also know less than 20 words from Spanish, German, French. sometimes i'm sure i haven't ever read or heard some english words but i suddenly see that i know them and i use them correctly. several nights ago i was speaking in Spanish in my dream! when i woke up i checked any word i could remember and they were right! i've never been abroad. i hardly travel inside my country.
sometimes i live in 800 years ago. thinking and living like them. sometimes i live in future and that happens in future really. i've lived some scenes several times.
on friday, when i woke up i felt i'm in an endless dark space. i felt i don't know what's behind, forward backward or around. i was so frightened. i live on my university campus. that moment i knew i've just woke up, i'm on my bed but i was really scared. all my body was shivering. i couldn't help it. i told my roommates i'm scared. i really could breathe hardly. they asked what i was afraid of. i replied i'm afraid of not knowing anything. they made fun of me.
my dreams are th same too. i was tired. so i wanted so sleep for 30 min. i asked my roommate to wake me up. when she told me to wake up. i told her i like but i can't and slept deeply without hesitance. in my dream i was living three countries and two times! they were so real. the name of streets, buildings, events now happening in these three countries...
i just like to know if i've got mad or if they are real or dream and self made. i just think that i may live in dream, reality and truth parallelled. please help me as soon as possible.