Okay... let's give it a try. I'm afraid I might be a monster because I'm assuming... let's see... ah. I'm assuming that hurting and killing others and enjoying it makes someone a monster, and that wanting to do something like this is as bad as actually doing it. So I'm defining 'monster' as 'person who enjoys hurting and killing others' and am afraid that I may fit the definition because of my second assumption, which may not be right. Come to think of it, it isn't right. While wanting to hurt and kill others may be as bad on your soul as actually hurting and killing others, it's not as bad on the world in general... so while it may incline you to become a monster it doesn't qualify you as one right off.


Sort of like calling an unpleasant woman a witch? Only less specific.


Introspection, you mean? Yes... I ought to do that more.


Which question? 'Is my dad right in calling me a monster?', or 'What should I do if my dad's right in calling me a monster?', or 'Can these desires be used for good?'? Or did I ask another question without realizing it? (I know that can happen.) I don't think his opinion is dictating my self image, but I would be lying to myself if I said it didn't affect it. Of course my dad's opinion affects my self image... he's my dad. And even if that didn't mean anything to me, I'd still be living in the same house with him, seeing him every day. It's hard to remain unaffected by an opinion that lives with you, don't you think?

edit:
Thank you, Dr. Robert. :) You have a wonderful forum, and the people here have really made me do some serious thinking.

I haven't had the time to properly go forward with this but Daniel picked up where i was going with it, it seems. You are already doubting your previous assertions of yourself and stepped back to think about it. You've realised that blanket statesments like "you're a monster!" hold very little water, this is the right direction. In your view, enjoying violence, specifically inflicting it, makes you a monster which is quite subjective in my opinion. You are not sure about your own views so you cling to your fathers, which is understandable i suppose but consider this; your father is a monster according to some for having guns in the house with children.

Anyways. the real issue, in my opinion, is that you should focus on yourself. If you go and rip someones face off and stuff them in a box, it's you who will deal with the consequences, not your father. The real focus should be if you can master the impulses or not. If you doubt for a minute that you can't, you need psychological help because the alternative will ruin your life for sure. Forget the definitions of monster and the bible, when you're sitting in a cell for life because you couldn't hanlde it, none of it matters squat. Remember, you need to control the urge not only when in a stable state but when angry aswell. Can you deal with the urge to hurt while enraged? That is the question you need to consider for yourself because there will become a time when you have to face it. This is an issue which cannot be solved via a discussion forum, you need to either handle it or find someone you are comfortable with to help you handle it. Not a judgemental, self-imporant priest but a real person with real interest in helping YOU, not your soul nor your fathers reputation, you.

Something that has helped me is drilling it to my head that whatever i do in life, i will have to deal with the consequences and are my actions truly worth the risks. Satisfying my urges will only be temporary, just like the urges themselves.