Toby you said:
For instance, you're convincing yourself that I don't know you or base my assumptions on something I misunderstand, whereas the truth which you refuse to acknowledge is that you're a complete weirdo fuck-up who is dependent on everyone but himself. I think you know it deep down yourself. But don't worry, you're not alone. There are many other weirdos you can connect with.
Is it possible that you are using some transference here? Please forgive me for butting in this conversation but given this is a forum and discussion is open to everyone, I would like to ask why you would say such things to someone you openly admit that you know. I have read many of your posts as well as Hexi's and although I haven't read all of them (because there are many), I have yet to determine that any of you are such awful individuals at this moment. Now of course, I am being feeling and not so objective, I know, but...I am left thinking that perhaps, there is some sort of a comraderie going here too. There maybe some strange nerdyness or lack of sociallife, or perhaps perversions in certain peoples' minds but there is a wholesomeness and honesty here too. Is it not possible that this is a form of self therapy?
Why not be nice or at least tolerant? Is it more enjoyable to tease and torture? Or maybe the game of jabbing each other is satisfying?
Think about what I am saying. I know I am illiciting a nasty response from you. I don't mean to irk you. BUT I like your comments as a whole as I do Hexi's... and these comments just undermine something that is GOOD as a whole. (at least from my standpoint and perhaps Dr. Roberts)
Besides everything else I mentioned below, might I suggest one thing that made a huge difference for me once when I just wouldn't let something go (as you appear unable to do).
I don't formally believe in God, but I did once decide to forgive myself formally. I did it in public (around several hundred people). For years I felt really bad about leaving a marriage. REALLY Bad. I just couldn't let it go, and I felt that I had ruined my chances for a good life. But I forgave myself. And let it go.
And you know what. It worked. I let a burden off my back, and it gave me the energy to look forward. Just consider it. Do whatever you need to do to let yourself look forward, instead of just looking backward.
Hope that helps a bit.
Languages? I can speak 4. :P Martial arts? Not my thing, I used to be a breakdancer though. I'm not burdened by my actions, it's one of the perks of being a sociopath. I have no regrets in my life at all. Even though i've made some bad choices, i don't wallow over them. Also, i'm not apathetic towards life, i just don't really know where to begin.
As an aside, i enjoy fishing. I do it alot at my parents summer house and yes, i'm 25 so i can drink. :)
There was one other thing that I thought might pique your interest. Not sure, but hey as long as I am just writing about me, I want to make a suggestion.
Sometimes people are not interesting. Frankly many are downright boring. And I consider myself a people person:-) They desire things that mean nothing to me, and often they feel justified in treating others in a one up fashion (better car, talk about what they own, stuff as meaningless as baby strollers) and I left thinking why bother getting to know people that are so unlike me...and then I remember what makes life valuable to me. It is my ability to love and care.
Before you jump into thinking that feeling something like that is inferior, place your mind in the perspective that PERHAPS it is this humanness that gives meaning to living at times. It is not often, but rarely, I have found that seeking to understand and relate to another particularly on the level of love, that I am able to gain satisfaction and even a oneness with others. It is not like it happens every day, or even every year, but when it does, the joy that I obtain is worth any moment that I have won.
Now I am a friendly sort, at least it would appear that way on this forum, but in real life, I am quite to myself about what matters to me. And most of the time, I sense that no one understands what motivates me. Maybe I am unique, or abnormal (refering to a previous discussion on what is normal) but I prefer to think that it is this able to communication and meet minds that gives me the most satisfaction. I have known others, that gain that feeling from winning an argument, but to put oneself in a one up position fails to lift the soul (even if you think that sociopaths may not have one) to a level of peacefulness.
Maybe, it is this oneness of all humanity or the ability to relate to another that bring satisfaction. The definition of human is: adj
1. of, characterizing, or relating to man and mankind human nature
2. consisting of people the human race a human chain
3. having the attributes of man as opposed to animals, divine beings, or machines human failings.
Is it not possible that all humans (no matter if they are labeled as ill or void of some personality traits common in others)have commonalities that bring satisfaction and completeness?
I am not sure about all of this, I just postulate. It is this conversation at this moment, that bring the most meaning to my day. It is this attempt to relate that satisfies my mind. Therefore, I believe that it could be this moment is when I am really living.
It is just a thought. Leave a way that you can be reached Hexi. Thx.
Very insightful, if i was an angry and confused teen, which i am not. In the last couple of days, i've gotten in touch with some old friends and started to go out, it's been refreshing. I wish people really would post new threads and participated more, it's been quite dead here. Oh well.
I don't see how this applies particularly to an angry or confused teen...I am not one. It was just an observation that has worked for me.
Getting out is good. I did today, even with a long day at work to come. Given I do not exist in a socialist country, work is necessary for what I need. Can you be reached?
Well i used to work, i have a degree in electric engineering but it's such boring work :P I'm not a materialistic person and living in a 1 bedroom apartpent is enough for me heh so i don't really have any incentive to work. No loans or family to feed :)