The only thing I will apologize for here is for having used grammar as a pretense to get back at somone. A long time ago, it was done to me and I thought it was stupid, but I didn't even think about that in my last post. I was just too angry.
I am fed up with all this matter: I took the trouble of mentioning the exact sentences in my first post that showed why Dr. Robert's response was pointless and futile and no one even thought about it. Everyone is ignoring the facts out of a misguided loyalty towards a person that pampers them psychologically into total acceptance of anything he says.
Do as you wish...
Alexantropos, you are a fool. I do not imagine that reading what follows will enlighten you in any real way. You seem far too lost in your dimwitted fantasies of intellectual superiority for that. Nevertheless, other readers of this thread might appreciate reading the letter of thanks I just received from the young fellow you claimed would be damaged and wounded by my reply to his question. I quote it here in its entirety:
Dear Dr. Robert,
I'd first like to thank you for taking the time to reply to me, I deeply appreciate it. I apologize for taking over three months to reply, but I needed to thoroughly think through what you'd said, and I think I have done now. The first reason I write this letter is to explain my thoughts since our correspondence. I'm not sure why I feel the need to explain - or indeed, why I presume you'd be interested - but I do, so there you are.
I realize now how incorrect my ideas concerning sexuality really were - in fact, I think I knew from the start. What you say simply makes logical and scientific sense. I've read through your response many times and after a long period of self reflection, I've come to the conclusion that by confronting my sexuality in a theoretical, intellectual manner - or as you put it, by "filling my letter with my own answers to the questions I asked as well as logical arguments defending these answers"- I was trying to stay distant from the reality of the situation, and avoid dealing with my true feelings. My argument did hold very little water, and I think if I'd wanted to I could have easily seen just how flawed my beliefs were, but unfortunately I simply didn't want to, preferring to stay in denial instead.
Thankfully however, you've now stripped me of these false beliefs, which has meant I've now had to deal with my sexuality as one should, forthrightly and personally, with all the emotional stress that entails. I broke off the arrangement with Emily. What really got to me was when you said "I have seen that kind of thing tried many times, and it almost always ends badly, often with two people who really do care for one another having to separate, perhaps after having children together, or having made some other kind of major investment in the relationship." I know first hand the pain this can cause; as I said before, I have two gay family members, one of whom is my Dad, the other a cousin I don't know so well. When my Mum found out my parents divorced and now refuse to even speak to each other. They have shared custody, leaving me and my siblings torn between the two homes. The point is, I shouldn't have really needed you to remind me of why these relationships don't work when I have such a perfect first hand example right in front of my nose, but as I said before, I obviously preferred to stay in denial. I care too much for Emily for for me to knowingly hurt her when I can easily prevent it, whether my feelings can be called love or not, which is why I have ended it.
But it was also something more than that. By focusing all my energy into trying to maintain a heterosexual relationship I was again trying to deny my true sexual feelings, and if I am ever to be comfortable with and accept my own sexuality this is clearly something I can not be doing. I'm not saying that I want to pick the gay side and stick to it either, as to do so would just be another form of me denying my sexuality, just the heterosexual component instead. Rather, I just think that maintaning any sexual relationship with the sole aim of denying another part of your sexuality - which is I think, what I have been doing - is quite frankly backwards.
Intriguingly however, once I ended the relationship with Emily - and therefore began to accept my sexuality for what it is - I found that my sexual urges towards underage boys were diminished slightly, and my attraction towards men and woman of an appropriate age has increased. I don't mean to say that my pedophilic attraction has disappeared, as it hasn't, and it still remains predominant. What I mean to say is that now I've begun to accept my sexuality and have stopped denying my sexual feelings by forcing myself into an unhealthy sexual relationship and "projecting my own struggle for sexual self-acceptance onto a false controversy about nature vs. nurture", I've been able to experience sexual attraction seperate to that of my denial.
I'm not entirely sure what this means, although I've considered many possible theories. Perhaps in trying to deny one part of my sexuality I accidently denied it all? Maybe it was the fear of possible homosexuality that led me to displace my sexual feelings towards a less threatening target of children? Possibly I have sexual feelings towards men, women and boys, but my anxiety at the less acceptable pedophilic urges overrode the others until it became my primary desire? Of course, this speculation is all completely irrelevant until it could be proved for certain. What I do know however, is that this new information could be crucial into explaining why I harbour this paraphilia in the first place, which I can now explore further with a qualified psychotherapist.
Yes, I said psychotherapist. The thought of sex with children sickens me - from an ethical viewpoint at least - and I don't think I could live with myself if my urges ever forced me to abuse a child. I don't think I would ever willingly commit such an attrocity, but I'm smart enough to realize that the sheer power of the human sex drive may not give me a choice. For this reason I've decided the best thing I can do is to get psychotherapy, or some other kind of treatment. I've since looked up treatment for pedophilia and it's been shown to vary largely by patient, but if there's even a slightest chance that it could prevent me from doing something so awful then it's worth a try. Unfortunately, at the moment I obviously can't seek out therapy, both for financial reasons and not wanting my family to find out. However, if the problem hasn't resolved itself by the time I gain independence - which I very much doubt it will - then I will make sure to get the help that I do need.
The second reason I write is to ask a favour. In my letter I quickly mentioned another small list of problems just in case it had anything to do with my main problem. As it turned out you didn't find it relevant, and I realized after sending it how stupid it was of me to include it, as it makes me easily personally identifiable to anybody who knows me well enough. I'm therefore asking if you could possibly remove the small section in brackets containing these personal details from your website? I realize that you might not want to, if only to preserve your website's reputation, but I would really appreciate it if you did. I'd hate to think of this coming back to bite me on the arse in years to come once I've moved past it. So please, I'm almost begging you here, could you please possibly do me a small favour and remove the small section I thoughtlessly included, and then maybe combine the rest of the paragraph with the one above? And whilst you're there, you could omit this paragraph too? It would really mean a lot to me if you would.
Anyway, the final thing I want to do with this letter is to thank you. You've been an absolute huge comfort to me through your letter and have been a massive help towards my own sexual self acceptance. It's weird to think that one E-mail sent by somebody living thousands of miles away who I'll never meet could have such a dramatic impact on my life, and yet it has. I never could have predicted how much of a difference you would have have made to my life when I first wrote to you, but I am sincerely grateful for it. I do sound so cringeworthingly cheesy and melodramatic right now, but I really do mean it. Your website has been a huge help to me and will continue to be so for everyone worldwide who would not otherwise have access to this kind of support. You should feel truly proud of it.
Be well yourself.
So, Anthros, have you "showed why Dr. Robert's response was pointless and futile," or was your entire line of argument pointless and futile? I think the forum deserves an honest answer if you have any honesty in that weird brain of yours. If you cannot participate honestly here, why not get lost? You would be doing the rest of us, who like to take these conversations seriously, a big favor. Or, this could be the moment of your awakening. . . if you have the humility to realize that there are people in the world who know a lot more than you do.
You know, the Doc said it pretty well on his website, although he was not writing about Anthropussy at that point:
"Intelligence demands an open mind, not a bunch of premature, cynical judgments which call themselves "facts," so I hope you will understand that your point of view is not nearly as intelligent as you like to believe. Admitting to yourself that you know a lot less than you have been imagining is the doorway to intelligence. Right now you have that doorway blocked off entirely by a bunch of sophomoric, half-baked ideas."
That's really a beautiful answer to that would-be psychopath. Love the cartoons. Very glad I discovered Dr. Robert's website and this forum too.
OK, OK, I give up. I am sorry I offended you, Dr. Robert. I had no right to come on your forum acting like an expert when obviously I know far less about these matters than you do. You were completely correct in your advice to the boy, and I was foolish to question it. You are a trained professional, and I am not.
I have learned a lesson here, and I will do better in the future. Please accept my apology and allow me to keep participating on your forum.
I'm curious AA. What were you hoping to gain with this little game you played?
It wasn't a game. I am Greek. Something about the Doctor's answer and all the Greek history. I just don't like it. Anyway, we Greeks are passionate people.
Well I was one of those who "defended" the doc, and I think both you and Daniel are right. The doc certainly can stand up for himself if he needs to. What offended me so much was the total irrationality of Anthropussy's attack. I was OK with his initial disagreement with the doc. Everyone has a right to disagree. But even after the doc adduced facts and studies to refute Anthropussy, he would not stop attacking, and even got more far out with it. It is often said that you have a right to your own opinion, but not to your own facts. Anthropussy just went on inventing "facts." I just became irate, I guess.
BTW, I am a long time admirer of Dr. Robert's website, but I certainly do not see him as a cult leader, nor myself as a cult member. I think for myself and do not look to others to decide things for me. My attraction to Dr. Robert stems, I think, from a rare combination of traits he seems to embody: high intelligence with openness and compassion. Intelligence alone is not all that rare. But many if not most people with high IQs seem judgmental or cold. The doc is not like that at all. He seems to be someone I would like to have a drink with or sit down to dinner, which gives his writing a flavor I rarely find elsewhere.
Anyway, I am glad the apology was given and accepted. Perhaps I took the whole thing too seriously, but it feels better this way.
I also am someone who came to the doctor's defense and demanded the apology from AA, but I certainly don't see myself as a cult follower. Not at all. Several years ago, during a severe personal crisis, I wrote to Dr. Saltzman for advice, and, at no cost to me, received a long and comprehensive reply. The doctor's point of view on my problem opened my mind immediately, and since then I have experienced what I can only call a profound spiritual awakening. I understand that readers might be skeptical of this, skeptical that some words in an email could trigger such an awakening to inner realities, but that is my true experience.
When I read the libelous and mean-spirited attacks on the doctor's qualifications, abilities, and integrity, I knew the doctor would never demand an apology for them, and that is why I stepped in.
I agree with you, BT, the doctor does not really need to be defended. As he said in his letter to me, "I am nobody special, and either are you. We all just are, and only for a brief instant." With an attitude like that, why would he need any defense? Still, when one receives a profound teaching, one feels like honoring the teacher, and that was my intention. Simple as that.
Personally, I am happy that AA finally did apologize, and also glad that he apparently has stopped spamming the forum.
Take care all,
That is a beautiful line.
Thanks for your gracious apology. I accept it completely.
By the way, it never was my intention to ban you from the forum. All voices are permitted here.