I'll just cut to the chase - I have issues with my personality. Well more like I have an issue of not having a personality. I've been living under different personalities for many years now, at first just to my own conveniences, then to my own amusement. Now I am doing it because I can't help it.
Basically I switch my personality every now and then and I feel like a completely different person. I think differently too. Because of that I am starting to believe that personalities are just something supernatural people believe in and that the concept doesn't even exist. Last time I came to that conclusion about something I was proved wrong by myself with pretty harsh consequences so that's why I know it is untrue.
I read about some condition I think it was schizophrenia where you feel like you look at yourself from third person and it sometimes feels like it is what I experience. (Although none of the other stuff described in the symptoms fit). I feel like everything that is said to me is said to a completely different person and whatever I feel I don't feel myself but someone else feels it. Like playing a roleplaying game you must have played at some point when you were young. You can become emotionally attached to the character to a large extent and pick the options what to say (which are limited) but you are not really the character. When I say that the options on what to say are limited I do not mean that I have some addiction or urge not to say anything but those lines but if I do then I feel like I just jumped to a different personality.
I used to be able to distinguish myself and the other personalities but I can't anymore. Or it feels more like I've lost my own personality. There are a dozen of different personalities I can pick from or create but none of them is really me. My actual personality seems to be like some hollow existance floating between all of the personalities. So there are still things most of my personalities share and I feel they're parts of the real me. My ego and the feeling of dislike toward arrogant people. Except that recently I have been acting under a personality that does not have those either. So I've been going downhill.
I am not naming my personalities and I normally just think they are all me in a way and it is not really as mystical as I make it out to be I just cant explain my problem without sounding like a complete madman.
Help me now!
That is an example of skipping to a different personality. I can think and feel like I absolutely need help for real although at the same time I know it's a different person wanting help. That probably makes no sense whatsoever. Anyway after I get back to my more dominant personality I can almost feel sad for what feels like someone else wrote.
I should probably mention that I am not all that worried about the whole thing I would like to be myself again but it is not like it eats me every moment or anything. Not many people notice it anyway because I usually stick to similar personalities with certain people. Maybe that's partly why I feel like watching it all from third person view.
Any way to solve my problem?
I could write a copy/past response from the internet but instead, i'll tell you to get help from a psychiatrist. Multiple personality problems are way, way too complex for a simple forum discussion.
I have a friend that is as you describe yourself. You are not alone. He has at least 6 personalities that I have personally met. A cold analytical one, one that is almost gay, a nerdy mathlike sort that can't read but only understands math, a childlike one and others that I can't recall at this moment.
I remember when I first met him, I thought him odd, but he was bright and sought my friendship. We have been friends for over 14 years now.
He has received the best medical care, he is independently wealthy from birth and has been able to disguise his illness from the public. It took 4 years for him to fully trust me with his secrets. He still keeps it quiet, but will talk to me about the empty floating feeling you describe between the personalities he possesses. Unlike you, he has described feeling awkward around others, separate from others. I could go on with many details.
What I would suggest is that you see a professional. I have known this man for quite some time, he is now 36 I think. He still has these issues, and may manage some of the symptoms with medication at times. I know that it has overwhelmed him before and that he has left residencies (he is a physician) to hide his condition.
Seek help, because this condition has crippled him significantly. You don't know what will happen if you wait. He waited until he was 25 to seek help. And honestly, if his family had not bailed him out, he may have hurt himself. He still can't work except for his families' companies.
I use to believe that what you describe isn't real. But it is, I have listened to it personally, and it is painful to hear how hard it is to endure at times.
I wish you luck.
Maybe I explained my situation incorrectly. I do have personality issues but not to that extent. I always consciously know I am not that person and I always retain my conscious mind even when I switch my personality. So if for example I have an objective I want to accomplish be it anything I still want to accomplish that objective even if I switch personalities while doing that.
In fact it was all fine and well until some time ago when I realized I did not have a personality of my own at all. There were just personalities I mainly used. I have said it already but I will say it again: it is not anything as mystical as it sounds.
I have usually managed my problems myself and this is not really that different from any of my other problems. Maybe I should try to elaborate a bit on my problem because I feel it is being misunderstood. It does not cause me any troubles in public. If I switch personality I only feel and think differently but I am consciously still the same person. The last thing I would do is introduce my personalities to anyone else and act like some madman. No matter how much I trusted that person. In fact the more I trust someone the less inclined I am to introduce him or her to anything.
My problem is that I do not have a personality of my own not really that I have many personalities.
Perhaps I did not explain fully.
This man has never introduced his personalities. I have observed them. He may have a schizoaffective personality in addition, but he would never confirm something like that to me. I just think of him as my unique friend.
I can assure you that he hides this side of himself to everyone including his family. No one talks about it, especially his family.
I just wanted to suggest that you fully explore what it could mean, because in fact, it could mean more than you think or be a sign of perhaps schizophrenia or another illness.
I understand your point. For me, for example, MPD has always been controversial because I have never seen it, but I know that, if you have seen it, you will believe it exists.
My point is that there are other mental disorders that might explain the symptoms of MPD without having to resort to the concept of one person having more than one "mind" in them.
There is still a lot to learn about this, so I guess the problem could go either way, but I believe it is possible that to us (both of us, for I would conclude the same thing you did) it seems a person has multiple personalities when, in fact, she doesn't.
It is not certain, it is a possibility raised by a professional who is keeping an eye in these developments, but I thought I should express it to, at least let the contributer know that, even if there is really something very wrong with him, it may not be as bad as it seems.
I will accept that your experience dictates MPD is exactly what it says, but please allow me to remain skeptical until the final word on the subject is out.
Fortunately, for both of us, I have been writing a book of fiction where the subject of multiple personalities comes up and, to have a good view on the subject, I asked for, and personally received, the opinion of a psychiatrist that is considered one of the best in my city. This could mean many things but, even though there is only one quantitative way to have an idea of how much he knows, there are many ways to defend his authority in the matter, even if, in the end, he can still be wrong. As much as it may seem self-serving to do so, I will try to show you why I trust him: this is because the view on what multiple personalitiy mean is a bit different, in Europe, from the one which exists in the USA and Canada.
He is one of the most successful professionals in terms of treating mental disorders in my city, he works inside and outside a hospital dedicated to psychiatric disorders, he teachs at my city's university, an institution which has, what is considered by the vast majority of medical doctors in my country, the best medical courses avaible in our entire territory and, finally, my country's medical professionals are considered pretty good in all of Europe and abroad (we had a Nobel Prize in Medicine and made many contributions to medical science since). I think, therefore, you and I can trust his view on the matter. This is why I asked him for advise, about how to approach this subject, in the first place.
From what he told me I can say this (within my fallible interpretation of such matters):
If you ask a psychiatrist he will tell you the modern view of, what was once called, "multiple personality disorder" is rapidly changing, even in the USA, where that diagnostic appears often and was considered perfectely defendable, and there are some questions being raised as to whether or not it is truly a mental disorder by itself, or if the symptoms are related to other disorders like scizophrenia, that implicate there are no true different personalities but only a chaotic fluctuation of humour that seems to rotate between a few different states.
Even if we admit that MPD is what it was believed in the past or, at least, in the USA, there are very specific patterns that must be verified in order to say a person suffers from such mental disorder. There is a very important one that you are lacking, according to psychiatric knowledge in the USA (not Europe): each personality should be completely unaware of the others.
There was a very admired writer in an European country, born a little more than a century ago, whose greatest achievement in life was to create several different personas to write his books: in an instant he started writing several texts, more than one per heteronym (in the literary, not the lexicographic, sense), that even today seem to have been written by completely different persons. You can find an explanation of heteronomy (as far as literature is concerned) and a small discussion about the different writers he created, in the english Wikipedia, if you search for "heteronomy" and select the article about the word in the literary sense. The only problem I find in the article is that I cannot be sure if the claim that is made that he created the concept of heteronyms in the modern age is correct, but you will at least get the idea.
No one believes he had multiple personalities: he just changed is way of thinking as it was necessary to put himself in the position of persons with different backgrounds and ideals. Experts spend a lot of time analysing the books written by each alter ego and keep comming to the conclusion that they represent completely different views of reality.
You maybe be loosing touch with your original personality and loosing track of who you are, but I believe you are still one. Just one. You can easily change your point of view just as a chameleon changes colors but that is not the same as MPD. If it becomes extreme, you may loose yourself completely in the chaotic changes of your mental state and suffer for it, that is the main reason you should seek help. From what you describe, you seem to have gone over the limit of healthy ambiguity and into a distressful state.
Just don't panic: it is true that constantly behaving in a different way in a social context, showing a completely different personality to different persons or an extreme ambiguity can be a sign of deep problems in one's personality, and result in equally significant negative repercussions, but you shouldn't shun the prospect of having the capability to see things from different perspectives, and allow yourself to feel the multitude of sensations one can have about the same subject, out of extreme fear and concern. Keep calm.
You must eventually settle on a position that as much less volatility, without shutting out the possibility of change, but, for some time at least, it is a positive thing to rotate between different views to be able to choose between them with a good background on the implications of each one. You are taking it beyond what is considered healthy but not to the point of being scyzophrenic, at least not yet. To prevent that, you must talk to a good therapist.
The greatest thinkers, throughout history, were those with an open mind, for the most part, or even without a completely stable personality, so you are in good company. Just remember one thing: most of them had to pay a price for what they achieved.
I still think, despite the possible benefits of some "ambiguity", that you may have gone too far and need help but, in the mean time, meditate on what you are doing and what the consequences will be for your inner life, and your social life, if you do not go to an expert to stabilize and integrate your personality as soon as possible.
I have found a few related quotations and aphorism that might help you focus on the crux of the matter, but I was not satisfied with any of them. Unlike what is my custom, I will not write a significant expression that can result in a healthy reasoning. Meditate over your own references on this one.
Thank you for your thoughts. What you said seems to match my description. Though I may be doing the thing to a larger extent than the one in your example did. I really do appreciate what you have said. It is exactly as you said. I am one and I am aware of the personalities' existance although none of them are really me.
What I slightly disagree with is what you said about "changing your point of view". It is not only that, I become a completely different person although as I mentioned before I am still consciously aware that I am not that person. But that's the problem really. I am consciously aware that I am not even the person writing this message. That's my dilemma.
At the moment I am emotionally and rationally connected to writing this message but I also know I could just as well not be. And I know it is only my current personality that is connected to writing this message. I also know I am not writing this message out of panicking as I suspect you may have thought. I am not writing it in panic either.
I really appreciate that you are trying to understand my message without resorting to just thinking I am different. I think thats the problem with most mental illnesses. I really do appreciate it and I know it is the real me appreciating it too. Some things just don't feel like coming from some alter ego and that is one. I will try to get some professional help but I would still appreciate it if people kept this topic alive and commented a bit more.
But there is something interesting about you other than that you are a very understanding person. That is that you are very much like one of my personalities. I have been reading some posts around here and I could not help but notice it. I thought it was pretty interesting that your behaviour seemed to follow a certain kind of code which gave me an idea that you might be a fake persona yourself. Do excuse me for this but I decided to make a routine check to see if I could find a connection between another poster here and you. I normally do not really care about things like that but you seemed to be saying some serious stuff to Dr. Robert.
Well as I said I made a routine check for it and I noticed that when you started posting here a person called Zenemy disappeared at the same time.
Also excuse me for this but I searched Adam Alexantropos on google and the only place it led to was this forum.
Re: Multiple personalities - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 6, 2010 6:58am
Re: The boy who would be a pedophile and Dr. Robert's blunder - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 6, 2010 6:02am
Re: Multiple personalities - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 6, 2010 3:38am
Re: What exactly is - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 6, 2010 2:21am
Re: Boyfriend watching porn - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 6, 2010 12:34am
Re: Boyfriend watching porn - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 5, 2010 6:02pm
Re: The boy who would be a pedophile and Dr. Robert's blunder - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 5, 2010 5:40pm
Re: am I a psyhcopath? - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 5, 2010 5:29pm
Re: The boy who would be a pedophile and Dr. Robert's blunder - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 5, 2010 4:44pm
Re: The boy who would be a pedophile and Dr. Robert's blunder - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 5, 2010 4:33pm
Re: Boyfriend watching porn - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 5, 2010 4:24pm
Re: The boy who would be a pedophile and Dr. Robert's blunder - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 5, 2010 3:56pm
Re: What exactly is - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 5, 2010 2:48pm
Re: The boy who would be a pedophile and Dr. Robert's blunder - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 5, 2010 6:19am
Re: The boy who would be a pedophile and Dr. Robert's blunder - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 4, 2010 3:02pm
Re: i think im dating a sociopath - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 4, 2010 7:47am
Re: am I a psyhcopath? - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 4, 2010 7:24am
Re: What exactly is - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 4, 2010 6:51am
Re: What exactly is - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 4, 2010 6:50am
Re: I cannot forget my lost (psychopathic) relationship. - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 4, 2010 3:42am
The boy who would be a pedophile and Dr. Robert's blunder - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 4, 2010 1:54am
Re: Do I have paranoia? - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 4, 2010 1:54am
Re: Do I have paranoia? - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 3, 2010 9:24am
Re: What exactly is - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 2, 2010 6:45am
Re: Do I have paranoia? - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 2, 2010 4:00am
Re: Psychopaths - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 2, 2010 3:03am
Re: I'm a sociopath and I don't want to be one :( - by Adam Alexant... - Aug 2, 2010 2:09am
Re: Do you ever wonder if there's a meaning to life? - by Zenemy - Aug 1, 2010 3:51pm
Re: Another sibling exploitation story. How to cope with the guilt? - by Zenemy - Aug 1, 2010 3:19pm
Re: I'm a sociopath and I don't want to be one :( - by Zenemy - Jul 29, 2010 7:24pm
Re: Another sibling exploitation story. How to cope with the guilt? - by Zenemy - Jul 29, 2010 7:09pm
Re: I'm a sociopath and I don't want to be one :( - by Zenemy - Jul 29, 2010 4:17pm
Re: I'm a sociopath and I don't want to be one :( - by Zenemy - Jul 28, 2010 9:52pm
Re: Another sibling exploitation story. How to cope with the guilt? - by Zenemy - Jul 28, 2010 4:00pm
Re: I'm a sociopath and I don't want to be one :( - by Zenemy - Jul 27, 2010 9:01pm
Re: I'm a sociopath and I don't want to be one :( - by Zenemy - Jul 27, 2010 4:29pm
Re: Another sibling exploitation story. How to cope with the guilt? - by Zenemy - Jul 27, 2010 3:51pm
Re: I'm a sociopath and I don't want to be one :( - by Zenemy - Jul 27, 2010 3:26pm
Re: I'm a sociopath and I don't want to be one :( - by Zenemy - Jul 27, 2010 2:28pm
Re: I'm a sociopath and I don't want to be one :( - by Zenemy - Jul 27, 2010 1:49am
Re: I'm seeing a sociopath - by Zenemy - Jul 26, 2010 10:42pm
Re: Moral Camouflage or Moral Monkeys? - by Zenemy - Jul 26, 2010 4:12pm
Re: I'm a sociopath and I don't want to be one :( - by Zenemy - Jul 26, 2010 3:28pm
Re: Psychopathic children behavior - by Zenemy - Jul 25, 2010 3:45am
Of course this could all be a coincidence but to be honest I doubt it. If it is only coincidence then I am sorry for suspecting you. You can prove yourself by presenting proof of your identity.
Thank you for helping me and sorry.
Wow! Good work, Richard. I saw an immediate connection between Zenemy and Adam, but your take on this is much more interesting than mine. I thought only that we were being plagued by a couple of idiots who like to throw around accusations and unsubstantiated claims. Then, when the claims are refuted, they ignore the evidence and continue on ranting and raving. At most, I thought Greek Adam was only imitating Zenemy, not that they might be one and the same. I was seeing them both as a couple of paranoid schizophrenic types, but perhaps it is only one crazy with two names.
The Doctor appears to have two attributes which really piss these people (or this person) off. First, he is the type of person who has time to listen and to care about others. (These jerks should realize that he is sharing his wisdom, as well as providing this space, gratis). Second, he is well-informed and brilliant. Zenemy/Adam would LIKE to be brilliant, or at least would like others to consider him brilliant, but he barely qualifies as a second-rate mind. How do I know that? Simple. Any truly intelligent person when he asks for evidence, and then has it presented to him, says thanks for the new information, and incorporates it into his world view. That is how intelligence grows and prospers. This guy asks the Doctor for evidence, and when it is presented simply ignores it.
By the way, Alexantropos, if you are so bloody proud of being Greek, how about imitating the intellectual rigor and honesty of your ancestors instead of playing these childish mental masturbation games?
I hope I truly was of help even if I might have been wrong in some of my views. There is no point in appreciating what I said because I said what, to a psychologist, is trivial and probably even incipient, but the fact that you appreciate my good intentions is very pleasing to me.
I'd just like to say this was the first time I ever came to this forum, for what it's worth.
By the way... as far as the destructive comments are concerned I do have one thing to say: please leave the flamming to the thread where this problem is being discussed in depth. What happens outside that thread should be considered neutral territory. Let's keep this civil. I have not said anything about Dr. Robert outside that thread nor will I do that unless another thread is created that is also about this topic.
Adam, you are an idiot. This is not flaming. It is a simple fact. You criticized the doctor in a rude and disrespectful manner. He answered you politely, and pointed out that your ideas about sexuality were mistaken. He demonstrated your mistake with a number of references (which I doubt you ever even checked). You did not even have the courtesy to acknowledge that he had replied to you with new information, much less the intelligence to respond to the new information.
You are on some kind of vendetta here, and that is obvious to many of us, not just me. You don't make the rules here, so stop trying. I suggest you leave this forum where you really are just a useless pain in the ass. If you want to parade your absurd ideas about sexuality, or if you want to slander Dr. Robert, why not get your own website to do it, or start your own forum.
This forum is not about slandering Dr. Robert, it is about open minded discussions of serious topics among people of good will. You obviously are not interested in that kind of discussion since you lack even the common decency to have replied to the doctor properly or to acknowledge that he presented you with new ideas which required serious consideration.
You talk about flaming--my god, man--your entire communication with Dr. Robert has consisted of you flaming him. No wonder he cut you off just like he cut Zenemy off. You are just like Zenemy, and I suspect you are him in disguise. Why should the doctor have anything to do with you? Why should any of us, for that matter?
As I say, you are an idiot. And it is even worse than that, Adam. You are an idiot who thinks he is smart (you aren't). You are the kind of puffed up idiot, who uses the word "fora," and then feels obliged to explain it to us inferiors out here just in case we aren't brilliant and educated idiots like you.
Adam, you are a raging narcissist, and that's not flaming but pure fact. Not only that, you are a liar, and those of us who have followed the doctor's website know it. In a pig's ass he changed that reply to the boy to evade your scrutiny as you keep implying. I read that piece months ago, and I know better.
You really are lost. Get a life.
Although I still suspect that person is under a fake identity, he is right in saying that this should not be discussed in this topic. I quoted what I said into the appropriate thread for just that reason.
This is still a thread I created and where I am asking for help. I don't mean to sound offensive, but I really don't want the topic where I am asking for help to turn into anything else.
I understand and will comply.