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Am I married to a Psychopath/Sociopath/ASPD ?

Heads up - A very lonng story....

I need help desperately !!

Sam is a gamble addict (addicted to day trading of shares). he has hit rock bottom several times and has abandoned me 3 times ( 4 times in total since he vanished once before) and run away, with me having to deal with his creditors and employers and investment firms.....he is a terrible shopaholic (buying hundreds of clothes and all possible gadgets dozens cell phones and 3 laptops n wot not) while there is millions in debts in his and my name...he is an extremely violent person; beats me up brutally to the extent that i could have been killed anytime ( he beat me up once when i had had a miscarriage and was bleeding for more than 30 days....he beat me up coz my brother got me the medicine that the doc had prescribed to me to stop the bleeding....sam didnt get me the meds for more than 20 days n let me nose started bleeding when he beat me up and looking at that sam said "u have been bleeding for 35 days a little more blood is not gonna make any difference). sam always used to make me feel that it was my mistake for making him get violent on me n I always used to believe that....i never told anyone about the abuse that i was going thru. sam shoplifts. he makes friends only to borrow money from them in future....if he knows that he cant borrow money from someone he wont even be friends with them.....if anyone did'nt lend him money when he asks he will go to any extent to make their life miserable....he will make sure he got them fired from work. he forges documents to swindle money from the company.....when i told him not to he beat me up. he lies for every little thing to big things....when he hits rock bottom n runs away he will act as if he has realized his mistakes, would confess all his wrongs and send such touching emails that i will melt and do everything humanly possible to fix the mess so he can get back to me....but once he sees some success again he will forget everything that my and my family did to get him out of s**t and be very mean to us and be mean to me.

Now I am in the USA doing my MBA....after the last time he hit rock bottom and we helped him recover, sam was very good and caring. still i could'nt trust him fully so i came to USA...sam promised that he would never do anything to upset our relationship and apart from the simple long distance fights that we had we were happy..... i took a semester break and went to india to spend some time with him only to find out that he is trading again....he is also doing high end real estates in the side and is making a lot of money on that.....he lied to me about his pay in the company he is working for and made me send him money from USA ( i work 3 odd jobs to make some money to fund my living expense)....but i realized that he is making hell a lot of money as salary.....i found condom packets in his apartment.....i found a post-it book full of call girls' phone numbers and their rates and pimp's numbers; and the security guards at the apartment told me that he has been bringing a lot of women home in the night....when i confronted him he beat me up and told me that he never used them and that he got the call girls' info for his real estate clients who are expats from USA and Germany ( that makes him a pimp)....when i asked him about the condoms and the women that he has been bring home he said his apartment was the meeting place for them a few times and that he picked up the women for his clients....all this were too much for me to digest.....he says he is not running a brothel and wot he is doing is not pimping....i cant believe all the money he is making in his job as a Manager at an IT company and through real estates is not enough....i cant believe he could do all this to wreck our lives after all that i did for him to pull him out of s**t several times while his parents have totally cut him off and don't even want to talk to him or see him (sam is their only child).....Sam has never apologized to me for having abandoned me or having beaten me up so brutally....he has never thanked me for having done whatever i did to bring him back to life.....he has no remorse wot-so-ever for whatever he has ever done.....he is telling people now that he has been trying to change for the past 2 years and that i am not appreciating it.....and that he has never cheated on me and that I would burn in hell for accusing him of cheating.....but he has only changed for the worse....he has become a pimp...seems like he would do anything for money....he does'nt care if i leave now that sex is just a phone call away (he is so good at making deals that he would have even struck deals with his clients and the pimps that ever 2-3 times that he gets them together Sam should get one for free....) and he thinks he has attained permanent success now and may not need me as his ATM machine.....

but he used to get me wotever i ask for......he is my best friend IF i be his barbie doll and not question him for anything that he does.....he doesnt appreciate me on my face but he talks so high about me to all his collegues.....he always flirts with all the women and his colleagues and i thought he is just a verbal flirt and is harmless since he is open with me......i always thought this is the way he is.....

I am on therapy to come out of this relationship...i am back in the therapist and the campus cops say that sam is a he really? or is all that because of his bad childhood (his father was a horse race addict and was a violent father and husband)....but that is not an excuse is'nt it.....I am filing for divorce now.....I want out of this relationship...but i want it to be a fair fight....i dont want to brand him a psychopath if he is not really......

Am I married to a psychopath? He was also created by could God create a man like that? Can some miracle happen that would make him take professional help and change for good and come back to me? my brain tells me that this relationship is sooooo over....that i should forget about this man who has made my life miserable for the past 9 years and move on....the times that we were happy were only a compromise from my side...i have only pretended to be happy with brain is telling me to forget him by my heart is going through such agony and pain which words cant explain.

Please help me.......

Re: Am I married to a Psychopath/Sociopath/ASPD ?

Does it matter?

The man is awful. Good luck on your recovery. I am sure the damage is deep.

Re: Am I married to a Psychopath/Sociopath/ASPD ?

I think you should seek professional help asap. To me this sounds like you are one of these girls who is addicted to bad bad bad guys and pathological relationships. Any "normal" person would have kicked this guy out of her life a long time ago. I have been wondering for a while what makes women seek relationships with psychopaths, and there's a lot written on the internet about it. However, fact is that you need professional psychiatric help because you may have a mental disorder that makes you seek out these pathological relationships. You can google for this term, there is a lot of info and help available. Good luck.

Re: Am I married to a Psychopath/Sociopath/ASPD ?

Thank you for your feedback....I started my therapy while I had visited India this spring and was diagnosed of a woman who loves too much.....I was asked to read a lot which really opened up my eyes....Till I went for therapy I didn't realize the gravity of the abuse that I was going through. Sam has been the first and only man in my life and I have been thinking (and Sam always used to make me feel) that he is behaving the way he behaves because of the bad childhood that he had and that I always thought his gambling and violence can be professionally helped. If only I hadn't found out about all the prostitutes and the cheating I would still be in the relationship letting him abuse me in all possible ways. His cheating was my breaking point. My therapist says at some level (after all the times that I kept saving him from getting beaten up by financiers and pulling him out of rock bottom several times and putting up a fight for him) I started mothering him instead of being his girl friend and wife. I started protecting him like how a mother would protect her child and forgave him for whatever he did. I could not get to hate him though I have been soo sooo angry on him for doing the same wrongs over and over again. Sam is a CPA and is called the "google junction" "walky talky encycopedia" and all that at work. He is so brainy and high in IQ but lacks the basic sense to lead a happy and trouble-free, honest life. That is what I couldnt understand. He is 15 years older than me and has always treated me as a child. (we started seeing each other when i was 22, now I am 31) He has told me several times "Sujee I know you are 100% right and I am 100% wrong, but this is what I am going to do and I want you to love me and be with me unconditionally".

When things go out of hands and he realizes that he has really goin over board in abusing me he would start saying "Sujee now you are going to leave me and I am going to die like a orphan with no one to give me even the last drop of water....People will get to know I am dead only after my body starts stinking in my house....and you will be responsible for letting me die like that".....and that was enough for me to forget everything and stick to him.....i would tell him i would never let him die like that.....
Even now I am soooooo angry that he has ruined my life....but i still couldn't stop loving him....I want to get to a point where I wont have any feelings for him. I don't know how to get there....I feel like i am lost in a tunnel....I am seeking the light which is somewhere there, but i don't know where.....My therapist tells me that I am going through so much agony because Sam is my first love.
I have made up my mind to come out of this mess....Taking each day at a time. But somewhere in the corner of my mind I'm praying that some miracle should happen which would make him seek help for his violence and gambling and cheating and then come back to me after realizing his mistakes....