As always, I must warn you about how dificult it is to have insight in such matters when someone is not a trained professional, but I can give you my humble opinion as someone who as been in contact with mental disorders and with the view of psychologists and psychiatrists about them.

You seem paranoid about being paranoid... that can be a joke but it is also partially true too. You're behaviour and thoughts do seem paranoid, but you must be calm and use good sense (not common sense) when thinking about yourself in this way: no one, not even professionals, self diagnose any mental disorder in a productive way.

You must realize one thing: the mental development of a person is not linear. Some aspects of your mental development may be at one stage while others (such as irrational fear and inhability to separate reality from imagination) may be at earlier stages. Normally a person learns how to distinguish between the reality and fiction around them at about 5 or 6 years old but some threads of irrationality in that area can persist to a later age.

I was afraid of the dark until I was almost 18 years old, as strange as that may seem, even though in some respects I was far ahead of my age (as far as the mind was concerned). The only way to resolve those fears is by confronting them. Psychologists slowly expose people who suffer from phobias to what they fear in controlled environments so their own brain starts disassociating what they fear from the danger it perceives but is not actually there.

I knew all of this, so I knew what to do to overcome my fear. Can you guess what it was?

One night I woke up terrified with the darkness around me and promptly covered myself from head to toe so I could be safe from whatever I felt was waiting for me in the dark (I was almost 18 by then, just like I said before). Suddenly I got fed up with the fear and took action: I came out of cover, put on my slippers in the dark, and went from my room to the kitchen on the other side of my house in almost complete darkness, feeling my way as I went so as not to stumble, fall or make anything else fall. I don't recall what I did inside the kitchen, but I must have done something simple. Then, instead of turning on the lights and call it even for the day, I simply turned back and came all the way to my bedroom again and lay myself comfortably to sleep.

I slept very well that night, with no fear, and I hardly ever had any fear of the dark since then. I can still be mindful of the dark in some particular situations where I know, rationally, that something unpleasent might happen (such as walking at night through a neighbourhood where people get mugged or going down into a cellar with no lights and can fall), but that is all.

It is extremely difficult to do this by yourself, especially at your age, so it is very important for you to get help, but eventually you will have to convince yourself, and your own unconscious, of the difference between what you know is true and what you feel is true.

You know that if there is a lot of noise downstairs, and all the lights are out, someone may be inside your house with malicious intent and you should call the police, but you also know that at night we hear almost every sound much clearer then by day, because there is little or no mixing of sounds that would make it hard to distinguish weaker sounds. Even if you were to hear some sound coming from downstairs, you must know how to seperate sounds that always appear inside a house from sounds that mean trouble. I'm not saying that sounds are the main thing that provokes your fear, but this is an example of how we can mix what we know with what we feel if we are not careful.

You don't feel or believe you are safe, but you suspect, rationaly, that there is nothing to fear and that is why you are afraid you may be paranoid. However, be careful before deciding you are paranoid.

You may be overly self-conscious in public, and feel that everyone is watching you, but there are many things other than paranoia that can make you feel that way. I had a very low self-esteem for a long while and I was always thinking about how my actions and words were interpreted in public by others: that wasn't paranoia, it was only the fear of being rejected by others just as much as I rejected myself.

I'm not sure two simptoms are enough to completely assure you that you are paranoid, there can be, as I pointed out, other explanations, but the only way you can be sure is by consulting a professional.

You are simply too young and do not have a completely formed personality. There are a million things that can be strange when you are a teenager: some are harmless but some, like what preoccupies you, can be harmless or not, while yet other things are almost always dangerous.

First thing: stop any recursive thought on its tracks. Second: try to separate fact from fiction. Third: talk to your parents about this if you have a good relationship with them. Fourth and final: seek professional help if this makes you suffer in any way or even remotely seems to impede your normal life (by what you said, this is not being a harmless experience and so you know you truly need help).

I hope this was helpful.

Remember: calm yourself and seek qualified help.


-- What am I doing here? --

I am currently doing research on several topics for a few books and articles I am writing. I would like to make a positive contribution to fora (plural of "forum") about such topics in order to get constructive views on those matters for a better perspective on them. This is why I came here. I will not indulge myself in flamming and will not respond directly to any clearly non-constructive replies.

I have read some of Dr. Robert's responses to certain questions and I find them lacking and biased. Still, I truly wish to know what people who come here, and even Dr. Robert himself, think about my points of view for three reasons. First: I know I can, very easily, be wrong and I should keep an eye out for other opinions. Second: all points of view are important to have perspective on any matter, specially the ones one doesn't agree with. Third: wisdom can come from very strange places and one should not underestimate anyone as far as knowledge and wisdom are concerned.

Please, give me honest and constructive replies: I will return in kind.

"The slumber of reason creates monsters." - Goya

I am sorry for not responding correctely to your post. I think it is a very relevant point and I wish to reply as soon as possible but, since it will exert my mind a bit to explain my point of view in that regard and I have been mentally exausted (the few posts I made the other day were a difficult stretch), I chose to write this small paragraph out of respect and good will to let you know I will respond clearly and straightfowardly in the next couple of days.

Thank you for your understanding.

Thanks. No hurry. I appreciate your reply.

Be well.

I will create a new thread just for this because as I wrote I came to the conclusion it is much more important than what I thought...

Inadvertenly, you may have made me realise I should have discussed this matter publicly right from the start.

The thread will be named "The boy who would be a pedophile and Dr. Robert's blunder"