Hello, I am a self diagnosed sociopath. I have never bothered to get my self diagnosed because quite frankly I'm far from stupid or ignorant and have never seen why I need someone else to tell me who I am. I know I feel no guilt and I know I have no attachment to my own family even though i've been brought up well. There are many other obvious connections but there is no reason to list them.

The point of my post is that I am starting to get extreamly depressed about the relisation that my only goal in life is to make money and it always has been. I don't want to live a sad life alone, nor do I was to pretend I have a family I love. I really have no idea what to do, I'm struggling to see the point of my own existence at the moment in truth.

Anyone else suffering the same?

No. You need to find what interests you and just do it. Stop looking for a pointless meaning in it, just do whatever you feel like doing.

I wake up at noon or later. Ponder what to read about or continue what i was doing yesterday. Sometimes i go out with people i know. Some days i just go out, lay somewhere with my mp3 player on loud and ponder things. I have no goal, no meaning yet i enjoy life, funny that.

You say that, but surely sooner or later you relise you don't really have anything. I know I could easily marry someone and have children and a family. But I know it would be a disaster in the long wrong. I'm not talking about things to do in the day I can ocupy my self quite easily. I'm talking about when im 40 or 50. I don't want to sit around listerning to my music forever.

Unless you find an obsession, nothing will ever have any real value to you as it has no emotional notion to it. No emotional connection to make you feel obligated. The sooner you realise that nothing in life will ever give you the emotional fulfillment others claim to get the sooner you will be free of your skeved view. Even knowing these things i'm not depressed, life is a ride, enjoy it the way YOU can and not how others think you should. Don't waste your life trying to be what you're not.

I am starting to see what you lot are saying. But I still feel it is terribly depressing. I guess I will learn to live with it.

Or, you can blow your brain out. Why is being free of regret and guilt depressing? Do you think people, in general, are happy? Give me a break. People are miserable. Do you think a chinese dude who has worked in the same factory for since he was 12 and is now 60, is happy? Actually, where did you get this notion that people are happy to begin with?

I have never been under the delusion that people are happy. But they can be. I dunno. The only thing that is getting me at the moment is that I have always had people around me that "care" about me and I have never once cared about them and I just always thought there would be more to my life then that but it seems all there is to do is to play games with peoples mind's and be a general ******* like all these websites portray sociopaths as.

In a way I guess I am just stuck in the idea that I really want to care for someone at the moment. I would love to know what it's like to have a family and I know I never will. Thats all. The fact I am a sociopath has only recently come to light and i'd always just had other ideas about how my life would go and now I relise that all I will ever do is play games with people which yeah is fun but I can't see it lasting.

You can whatever you want. Why limit yourself to ******* with people? Experiment and find things that stimulate you, that's the only thing that will keep you from going bat****.

Bingo.

And David, there is no "but" to this. You will have to challenge the belief that normal people are somehow, on average, happier and psychologically better off than you. Hexi's right. They aren't. They are muddling thru life, just like you are. You say you know this, yet your other comments indicate that you do not. Instead of pining away for a you that can never be, focus on the you that you are and can be. Celebrate it even. Then find a way to manage your unruly thoughts.

I see, I do oftern think that there is a large portion of the general public that should just be shot because they serve no purpose haha :P. Luckly I suspect that unruly thought will never be able to surface.

Yes, I sometimes find people and their rules extremely annoying. But then again I remind myself: who would make my coffee or fix my car when it's broke or make movies for me to enjoy, etc. As god awful as they can be, they are also useful.

One more thing David. Who says you can't be married and have a family? Of course you can. You'll just have to understand that you won't feel for them with the same depth they may feel for you. It's called shallow emotions, not zero emotions.

David, don't think about yourself and your life using beliefs that apply to normals. You only feel bad because you judge yourself by their standards and find yourself wanting. You depress yourself when you keep believing that you should follow someone else's prescription for a good life. The way out is simple: stop doing that.

You will have to create and define fulfillment in ways that make sense to you and you alone. That is good news. You are free.

I do see what you are saying and you are right it is me depressing my self. But what do you guys do with your lifes, I mean are any of you middle aged? Do you just live alone or with gf's that you enjoy playing games with? There is only so long I can play games with someone before I get bored and I just don't wana do it forever really. I oftern find that i have social constraints in how I act. If someone droped dead infront of me I would never care. But I feel I've been brought up better then to do bad things to them even though I really don't care about them. I dunno, I just feel so confused at the moment and every time I read up about sociopaths i feel like im being incriminated :(

How long do you experience feelings like anger? How long does the feeling last when you have it? What about happiness? How long do you achieve that before it goes away.

Or do you not experience any positive change at all? I'm talking about emotional state not.. life state.

Do you have a baseline emotional state that you always return to after experiencing emotions?

You know when you go in public, people are judging you. How to you consider their judgment of you? Does it make you more aware of the way you are dressed? Do you go into public wearing anything or do you have some considerations of fashion or style before leaving? What is the underlining reason for why you do things when you interact with others?


You must tell me a lot more about yourself before I can begin drawing conclusions. I need to know more detail about how you feel during interactions with others and how those feelings get stronger or how fast they fade away or if you feel nothing at all.. which would mean you are dead because your autonomic nervous system (that which makes you breath) is always functioning and everyone that it detects could be threat to you will cause it to increase your awareness levels.

However, people who are no threat to you.. you will not have a change towards. So you may believe that most people are not a threat to you and feel normal around them but have a sense of alertness around people you don't know who your mind perceives, could potentially harm you. But your emotional awareness will also detect it. That feeling of untrusting towards people who seem dangerous.. is a function of your autonomic nervous system in reaction to something it perceives as a threat to your homeostasis.

So those feelings are natural. Now your emotional reaction to a situation like that, the things you think about during that process, are what define the difference between conscious thought and unconscious reaction.


Let me give you an example of what I mean..




A. The tennis player is watching the approaching ball. He uses his visual cortex to identify the ball and judge its size, direction, and velocity. His premotor cortex develops a motor program that will allow him to approach the ball and hit it back. The amygdala adjusts the heart rate, respiration, and other homeostatic mechanisms to allow successful performance of the behavior. The amygdala also activates the hypothalamus to motivate the player to hit a good shot.
B. To execute the shot the player must use all of the structures illustrated in A as well as others. The player's motor cortex must send signals to the spinal cord that will activate and inhibit many muscles in the arms and legs. The basal ganglia become involved in initiating motor patterns and perhaps in recalling learned movements to hit the ball properly. The cerebellum fine tunes the movements based on proprioceptive information from peripheral sensory receptors. The posterior parietal cortex provides the player with a sense of where his body is located in three-dimensional space and where his racket arm is located with respect to the rest of the body. During this entire process, brain stem nuclei are involved in regulating heart rate, respiration, and arousal. The hippocampus is not involved in hitting the ball, but it is involved in recording in memory all of the details of the point so that the player can brag about it later. In fact, many other brain regions are also active during this simple behavior. The common sense notion that only a fraction of the brain is used at any one time is clearly wrong. It is more likely that virtually all of the brain is active in even simple behaviors such as hitting a tennis ball.

See how complex the mind is? Without a lot more detail.. h ow can I draw conclusions? I can theorize off an ounce of information.. or I can answer your questions with more accurate information. Help me help you. :-)

I will not just tell you anything.. I will show you the science behind it and if you truly are a psychopath.. you will take comfort in the knowledge of truth. Don't let these foolish children tell you their folklore stories and myths about witches and what not. That is not science speaking , it's the darkness of unintellectual thinking. Science is truth and that is what I offer you.. you can measure. You don't have to believe me, which is what makes it so great. You c an just see it yourself and decide.. if you are a psychopath though.. you will be drawn to this knowledge as only the ego need pampering.

The information stored in neurology is so complex and structured that for the most part it is well hidden from the average persons knowledge. Just as you would have to train to be a lawyer and learn the rules of law.. so to do you have to learn the rules of brain science. I have been learning this information and if you really want to understand yourself.. I can help you. I'm sure Dr Robert can help you with your feelings if that is the problem. He is well versed in toying with the minds of weaker egos.

Thankyou for taking the time to post such a long post. The Dr told me to post here when I contacted him.

Anger I find very hard to let go of. I have kicked out of my life about 9 people now because they made me angry. It didn't have to be anything massive but they screwed up for what ever reason and I didn't see a reason to forgive them. I frequently tell people who have angered me how I couldn't care if they died and people have picked up on the fact that I am very anti to those that have offended me in such a way.

This is not to say that I am uncontrollerble. I rarely loose an arguement and if am I beaten I do not turn into a rage. The anger comes mainly comes when someone does something I hadn't anticipated. Which is also quite rare.

Happyness is a strange thing. Unless I have a reason to be happy I rarely am. I'm usualy just neutral. I go through fazes where I will feel very depressed for no reason and for a long time thought I was on the bi polar spectrum and am still not sure if I may be that too and a sociopath. I would say that my baseline emotional state is quite a negative one. I don't like people, I judge a person on their flaws and see them in everyone. I hate how obvious peoples games are too me and their lies. When someone does something wrong people oftern claim it was a mistake but I don't beleive in mistakes. In truth they did it because they thought they could get away with it and when caught relise the best thing to do is to act guilty.

This is why I rarely ever accept appologises unless it is for something minor and truely accidental. Everyone does something for a reason. Hardly anyone does anything for free and there is always something to gain. Even if it is a boost in "friendship status", which is after all still a highly useful thing to have if you are the more popular one. You can manipulate people alot more as a result. The few people who do just do things to be nice are mugs and they get trampled over by society as a result.

I do experience positive states of happyness but it seems they occour less then the negative states. I am well known as an extream pessimist but I can always support the reasons for my pessimist views and arn't just being it for no reason.

I will always care about peoples views of how I look as I do consider my self to be quite attractive and do have quite a bit of success with women as a result. I see no reason not to look good if I can. I don't spend hours though trying to get ready or anything like that.

At the end of the day I don't like being considered beneith others for what ever reason and will always strive to be the best.

When it comes to interaction with others the majority of the general public I don't care about. I feel I see through them and they are vastly ignorant and unintelligent. I have since met a handful of people at uni who have at least come across as being above the rest intelligence wise, both socially and academically but I do still feel above them, even if they do not feel the same way. It does annoy me that one of my friends clearly presumes he is the more intellectual but fails to realise that doing a degree in classic's is not of much use compared to my degree in maths, which is a far more useful branch of intellect. I haven't brought this up with him though.

I don't struggle to mingle in with social groups at first and usualy become very popular within them quickly. However after a while I oftern tend to work my way back out as I stop caring about the things I say to them so much and start expressing my true opinions of them more as they grate on me. As a result I oftern find my self finding a new group after a while and staying friends with a select through in that group who didn't irritate me so much.

My own mum frequently says that I don't have a conscience and it's true. I generally don't care how people feel. This is not to say I am a bad person. Many would regard me as a good person infact. I was brought up well by my parents and while I do not care how someone feels or if they were to drop dead infront of me, I still do not harm them without provocation. Although when pushed I can quickly demoralise someone or socially exclude them.

This is what anger's me in a way when I read up about sociopaths it describes them as being evil people who want to take over the world and mass murder everyone. I am not like this. I do not take sadistic pleasure in the harming of others and especially animal cruelty, which I can't stand as I consider many animals to be above the general public. My dog for example will never lie or try and cheat me he just loves me unconditionally and is dependable. I cannot say that about humans.

Which brings me on to the topic of love. It is a sad realisation that I know I will likely never know what it is. I don't feel anything for my family and I know they love me dearly. I don't know if i could go as far as saying I wouldn't care if they drooped dead because I know I would, but not for loving reasons. They provide me many things which I could not do without and would never be able to go through uni otherwise. As a result I feel I have a sort of attachment but not one of feeling but need instead.

I do see people as a convenience I think. I make friends with people who are useful to me. If they arn't useful to me I don't care about them. If they are useful to me I will try to help them, look after them etc. I'm not a bad person. I don't use them completely. I give back but in truth I know the reason I give back is because otherwise they wouldn't be useful to me. But isn't that what friendship is really about anyway? I have always beleived true friends are incredibly hard to find, if not impossible, and the only reason they exist is more through an ignorant loyalty developed over time.

As a Side note I would also like to point out I am dyslexic, dyscalcular and my eyes alternate, which has made reading very hard and as you have noticed my spelling is not the best. I try hard though and I feel my gramma is at least reasonable. Do not take it as a sign of my intellect or age. I am 19 as well if that is of any relevance.

As for my feelings with people. I have had 3 proper girl friends. I have never ever felt they were "the one" but I have always enjoyed their company and felt good while I was with them. As a result I tryed very hard for them because they made me feel good and most people cannot make me feel this way. After the break up, for all but one (which was a forced break up due to her parents hating me for not being muslim) I felt extreamly angry and wished they would die. I oftern spoke to others about the ways in which I wish they would die. The anger lasted for many many months but after I feel neutral to them once again. One of which out of the two that made me angry I am semi-friends with and the other I couldn't give a **** about and very much enjoy how misrible they both tend to look when they see me when they are with their boy friends as I think they feel they made a mistake.

Apart from with girl friends the only other feelings i've had towards people have been purely sexual or just enjoying talking to them because its amusing. They arn't feelings that last. My male "friends", if you could class them as that, I feel nothing for and are replacerble. The only problem is my very high standards of people do make them hard to replace, which means I must curb my tounge somewhat when they get on the wrong side of me. However, because I like to think I chose them well they do not oftern irritate me like most people.

While I may not neccarily care about their wellbeing past the point that if they were gone I would have to replace them I do still need people to hang about with and thus I am more friendly to them they I really feel inside. Infact my general person I portray is rarely, if ever, how I truely feel. I have only ever told two people about any of this before, both of which were girls who I had a sort of sexual relationship with. One of which I believe was indeed a sociopath as well. She was however no where close to my intelligence and I saw her games at every turn and turned them back on her. When she realised what was happening she became extremely aggressive and tryed to split me up from many people of my life and very nearly succeeded but unfortunately my silver tongue was alot more effective then hers. She is now going out with my "best friend", a guy I have known from birth and as a result is a very handy person to have in my life. I do not trust him in the slightest though.

Which brings me on to trust. While I trust no one for the obvious reason that humans are terribly flawed and sell information to the highest bidder to jump at social ladders all the time. I do "trust" people that I feel I have emotionally snared enough to not speak out against me. These people are always girls and they always "fancy" me in some way.

I do frequently flirt with women and am highly effective at it but I do not tend to go past them "wanting" me as I oftern find they start grating on me before I get to the sexual side. The few I have gone into more sexual encounters with have oftern been short lived when they start beleiving they mean more to me then they do.


I am sorry that what I have writen is very ab-lib and not very structured but I would have to write it in word and copy it over for that and I don't have word installed nor the time to do such things. I hope I have given you an indecation of who I am.

In truth I know who I am and I don't need someone to tell me as I am more then smart enough. I just don't fully know my lable and dislike that if labled a sociopath people assume I am evil as a result.

I have no intention of physicaly harming others and am quite passive in that way, though I do frequently consider the possibility of getting others to harm them for me I would never do it because I was brought up to know better, even if I do not actually care my self. This is what has brought me to the dilema I face at the moment. Truely, I would like to have a family and a normal life. In practice I know it is very likely not possible. Everyone else has pretty much said the only thing to do is to enjoy messing with people. While I do enjoy playing games with people, particularly girls, I do not consider it to be my long term source of enjoyment as I am a better person then that.

Thankyou anyway, I would quite appreciate to know what you actually think of me. I hope it is not too much of an unbarable wall of text.

Also might I point out that due to my disabilities when it comes to literacy and writing this at 3:20am there will be alot of mistakes in it and I hope that It is readerble as it is likely I will have missed out words in sentences.

You should find another label for yourself. You say you don't care yet how others view you is all important to you. Like stated many times on this site, by me for example, being a selfish ***** does not make you a sociopath, end of. Also your anger shows you DO care, you are not emotionally disconnected at all. You say "i wanted them dead" if i thought that strongly about someone, i would kill them and move on.

You remind of this Diego guy actually. You should find his post and see the resemblence and one particular commnet. "being an angry sheep does not make you a wolf".

If I were you, I would be quite mad that the doctor fed me to the wolves.


Here's your tarot card.

Brainy Smurf!

Traits:
* Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
* Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
* Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
* Requires excessive admiration
* Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
* Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
* Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
* Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
* Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

Possible issues:
* Surrender: Chooses critical partners and significant others; puts him- or herself down.
* Avoidance: Avoids sharing "shameful" thoughts and feelings with partners and significant others due to fear of rejection.
* Overcompensation: Behaves in a critical or superior way toward others; tries to come across as perfect.



Causes:
* An oversensitive temperament at birth is the main symptomatic chronic form
* Overindulgence and overvaluation by parents
* Valued by parents as a means to regulate their own self-esteem
* Excessive admiration that is never balanced with realistic feedback
* Unpredictable or unreliable caregiving from parents
* Severe emotional abuse in childhood
* Being praised for perceived exceptional looks or talents by adults
* Excessive praise for good behaviors or excessive criticism for poor behaviors in childhood


(So take your pick if you want one of these but you can't have psychopath or sociopath.)

The following conditions commonly coexist (comorbid) with narcissistic personality disorder:

* Dysthymia
* Major depressive disorder
* Hypomania
* Anorexia nervosa
* Substance-related disorders (especially cocaine)
* Histrionic personality disorder
* Borderline personality disorder
* Antisocial personality disorder
* Paranoid personality disorder[17]

That's an interesting read, thankyou for posting it. You are helping me quite a bit to at least understand my self, even if I am a little confused as to what I would be called now. I do rack up alot of the "causes" you have listed. It doesn't bother me if I can't have sociopath because I would rather experience other things in life they can't anyway and if anything makes me feel better about my self. But what confuses me is my complete lack of compassion, attachment or guilt if I am not a sociopath?

The other poster picked up on the fact that I care about how people view me. Is it not reasonable to think that everything in society is made easyer if you look good? I do not neccesarily see it as a reason that I care about how people view me but more of a tool of how I get them to like me. If you see what I mean?

It's intresting how they stated as well that if I have overwelming anger and want them to die they would have just killed them. I don't really want to go to prison and at least was brought up better then to just aimlessly kill, even if I don't really care about the person. I feel like I have morals in the sence that I don't aimlessly treat people badly because it's not what you should do. But I wouldn't care about them if I did.

I do feel quite confused now. Thankyou for your reply either way.

So no guilt but you don't do things that you consider morally wrong? You really need to think for a minute here instead of contardict yourself in every sentence.

No it's not a contradiction. I choose not to do things because I know they are considered wrong by society. Doesn't mean if I was to do them I would feel guilty about them.

I fail to see why you are being so agressive. I've just said how I feel and im curious to see what others say. I don't particularly care what lable I get given. But if im not a sociopath I would just like to know why I feel that way.

You seem to be under the impression that just because you are a sociopath and you do what ever you please and enjoy hurting others that others would feel the same. Just because someone doesn't have a conscience and considers them selves far superior to othres they meet does not mean they would harm them as a result.

And why wouldn't you, if you felt nothing afterwards. What does it matter to you, personally, what society considers wrong? I'll tell you what, you fear the judgement of others and thus refrain from certain actions. Just like now, you got defensive when i judged you as inconsistant which was the result of a an opinion not reinforcing your own. Just say you want others to reinforce your own ideas from now on instead of giving their own. I was not being agressive, i simply said what i thought. Just because it diffrentiated from your view does not make it agressive.

Because in my opinion most people are more useful when they like you then if they don't. I am well known for demoralizing people and breaking them down if I choose to because they were of no use to me but I don't make a habbit of it.

There is a big difference between us i beleive. I enjoy the fun of being a part of society and being a key player in the friendship groups of people i mingle in. I enjoy having my own way in them and controlling the people in them but i do not harm them. They are an investment if anything.

I am a passive person, I do not get physicaly agressive with those and thus would never try and kill someone even if i wanted them dead. I don't really understand why you can't see what I am saying. Also the way you write is agressive, even if you don't mean it.

I find it really hard to explain and it's true I am confused about how I feel and it's possible I just havn't got used to the idea and am lieing to my self about the reasons i choose not to do things I could.

I didn't come on here to prove who I am. I came on here for help understanding my self. I know for fact I have no attachment to people. I know I feel no guilt or conscience and my own mum frequently reminds me of it. I also know I do not aimlessly harm people for my own pleasure. They are teh things I know. I do play mind games with people who I consider significantly inferior. On the whole I don't think i've ever met anyone I considered an equal but I do meet those I consider "worthy" of being useful enough to keep around and be nice to. The person I portray on the outside to them is alot more friendly then how i feel inside however but in society you just have to do that. I don't wish to be alone. While I do not like people in general I also relise that a life alone is a boring one regardless in my opinion.

These are my views and how I feel. Do not try and compare my self to you and then tell me I am wrong because I am not the same as you.

You enjoy being the center of attention, the perfect example of a narc. You live through others and the prospect of being alone terrifies you. Afterall, how can someone so awesome as you ever be alone. Also, you're not a passive person. You get agitated quite easily, you're just a *****, like every narc, a child afraid of abandonment.

You percieve my posts as agressive because you are used to others telling you how special you are, starting with your mother. You didn't come here to prove anything yet in every single post you boast about your attributes and excellence, what a laugh.

You are right though, you are not like me and i'm happy about that. If i was a spineless dependant coward i would be depressed too, but i'm not. :)

This stimulates me both emotionally and intellectually. It is both sad and true.

The logical mind is far crueler than the conscious because when it attacks it uses truth as it's weapon of choice. Crushing both spirit and ego of the individual who must face such judgment.

It's ego denial.

Probably an anti social trait of his.

I'm superior to Hexi because while he feels nothing.. I feel the experience of emotion but I am unable to maintain a sense of conscious thought. So without stimulation my mind returns to a synchronized EEG wavelength or unconscious state of processing.

Hexi and I appear to be the same but with science we learn that there are dramatic differences between us. While Hexi simply uses observations to draw his logical conclusions, I emotionally experience the stimuli but my conscious, due to damage, is unable to remain.. active. So I feel it and then the feelings die inside me. Giving me the double edge of not only understanding feelings but being able to express them in a logical manner. So technically.. I submit to emotion for all of 30 seconds.

The funny part is.. both Hexi and I will claim superiority to one another and we are both correct as there are advantages both ways. While I can achieve deeply emotional bonds with people.. he cannot. At the same time he is not emotionally impacted as I am. He cannot be disturbed and any attempt to do so can only be achieve through subconscious suggestions. Which conscious minds are far too ego driven to achieve. You don't understand this because, unlike me, your conscious doesn't reset for hours or days while I emotionally reboot every 30 seconds or less. Which means while you have a generously filled cup of emotion.. I have a mere shot glass worth and Hexi.. well no one even bought him a drink!!

ASPD is almost like us and it's a choice for you. You know.. if you moved to another side of town or something maybe you could start over and try living the life you've always wanted to live and just be yourself. There are people out there who will accept you. Your problem is you either don't accept them because your parents or church told you they were bad but eF that!



(Conscious/Unconscious differences)

Even Hexi has an ego which represents the influences of his environmental development. What makes that possible? You'll never know without.. oh my Gold standard neuroscience book.

Apparently the autonomic nervous system always remains active but during a conscious state the conscious mind can stimulate the autonomic nervous system to produce the physical attributes of feelings. There are the feelings you have (conscious/ego) and there is the emotion you experience (autonomic nervous system engaging bodily functions such as increased heart rate, increased awareness and other "power ups" your body engages to face threats).

So when you threaten Hexi.. he will not have a feeling of threat but his unconscious/autonomic nervous system will prepare the body for conflict.. if and only if you are perceived as a possible threat to him. Also Hexi has an ego like everyone else because of his simple thoughts of rebellion are not even real. I assure you, dependent on how he perceives organizational structure, he has natural order to his life. Example: He probably puts his keys in a certain place and keeps his CDs all somewhere together and he will have degress on organization and structure as well that you may not see but he does. A method to his madness. This ability to take deep intellectual considerations is something he achieves through a lack of emotional interference caused by ignorance that is ego.

Like when Dr Robert tried to deploy his minions to come harass me with their ego driven feelings... that is an EGO DRIVEN action of immaturity and me bringing it up.. is like me PUNCHING his ego in the face. Captain Picard.. please.. hardly a man that can control his emotions in times of threat. Would Picard go petty? No, he wouldn't. He would maintain his emotional calm.

You can reprogram the unconscious mind a lot faster than you can reprogram and ego. Which is why I prefer to break egos and just start fresh because while egos take up a small part of the brain.. their influence often has the affect a virus has on the body as it pollutes the mind with ego driven disillusions of power. Thankfully, I am no longer cursed to carry on in such a manner and if it seems as though I am condescending than perhaps it is just your own inferior ego acknowledging it's hate of the reality you convince yourself of that does not exist outside your own minds.

Unlike you.. i can truly forgive my enemies for crossing me for any emotion experience is only experience in a moment of time and does not control my ability to make difficult decisions. I am above the laws of ego driven reasoning.

Superiority is conditional and under the desires of an ego.. I am the ultimate power. But the unconscious mind knows better. The conscious mind is purely stupid yet the love I feel and happiness in those moments are what drive me to the edge of the Earth. Anything for that feeling of alive that the conscious mind is always in a state of experiencing. They may be foolish children but they taste this life that I always thirst for and Hexi is gifted to have never lost.

I find your posts quite intresting to read but you do have a habbit of skating around answers but not giving them so to speak. Im curious as to some of the things in your post which I think were aimed at me:

What does this mean exactly? I've never heard of this before.



The last part saying I don't understand I don't really get why you said that as I do understand perfectly what you are saying. What I don't understand is what emotions you are including here? I feel happyness/sadness etc. But I cannot make attachments with people like love. But I can feel hatred, very strongly.



In the first bit are you effectively saying that I can effectively switch in and out of what people call anti-social behavour and if I wanted be a sociopath?

Also I don't get the last part it seems as if you have wrote that I don't accept people because my parents or church (i don't beleive in god) told me not to. I don't really see what you are getting at there.


Apart from those bits I found it a very intresting read.

But more to the point, how would you "lable" me then? If you were a Dr and you had to write something on a piece of paper to say what is "wrong" with me so to speak.

:EDIT:

I take it that you are not a sociopath? What label do they give you?

I cannot teach you the fundamentals of neuroscience if you do not have a stable structure of learning already established. Or rather. unless your mind is scientifically structured.. nothing I say will make sense to you as I cannot always relay the message to you in common talk and often must return to more scientific terminology and reasoning that your mind is unfamiliar with. Heh Hexi might just assume you are stupid because of your apparent egotistical downfalls. I just assume you are misguided.

The unconscious mind.. does not believe BS. That's why as a child you are so willing to accept the BS in the Bible and religion yet as you get older... your unconscious filters out all the BS. You stop believing in magic and crap that you can't see or you hesitate to do so simply because your mind is more unconsciously developed when you are older and it will not accept complete BS unless you are genetically compromised.

At the same time , the reason you are compelled to listen to me is because I am speaking to you with measurable amounts of structure and organization which your unconscious mind is stimulated by. I am a mind of reason and rational thought. Your unconscious mind functions just like I consciously appear to function.

Notice what I tell you is measurable. If you went to the bookstore at a local university... you too could get the same books of knowledge I have. I do not teach you a religion or philosophy of thought. I offer you true measurable knowledge. Which is the exciting part of all of this. You don't have to believe me. Simply pickup a neuroscience book and commit yourself to learning it. But it's not simple is it? Reading a book as such would crush your very perception of what reality is.

You are far more than your ego and I'm daring you to be more. The books are highly expensive but does brain science sound cheap or easy? Besides how important is knowledge to you? Do you really care why you think how you do or do you want to keep living in your hollow existance until one day you have an EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN and become.. closer to who you really are inside.


(Here's a religious theory behind Conscious. This way you can still have your God but yet a better understanding of him)
I offer you the unlocking of your true self and what I offer you is measurable in real terms. It is not just how you will feel but it is what you will know and only when these 2 parts of you can become 1 do you experience real harmony and spiritual happiness. Oh and in knowledge there really isn't despair as completing your natural design is how you spiritually can achieve harmony and peace with both your outside self and your inside self. As you will know in body and mind that what you do is right and that guilt you sometimes get will never return to you.

God wants you to become one with yourself... it makes it easier for him to talk to you cause instead of your mind making all that noise.. it is listening and while the unconscious mind will always obey God.. the conscious mind will always rebel. Your vary nature of disobeying God is a DEMONstration of your ability to reject him and in doing so.. create your own suffering. As he is with you regardless if you are with him or not. Meaning.. he always speaks through unconscious suggestions but you don't listen to him.

Knowledge is the power to rock the very foundation of men who built their houses on something other than rock. I believe Jesus said something similar. Funny how I understand what he means both literally and metaphorically.

Zenemy, I can assure you I am far from stupid. I am also scientifically minded having always acceled in such subjects and am now in my second year of maths in uni. Though I do not have the background knowllage which would likely be needed either way. Misguided I could agree with possibly.

I am very much into learning things and frequently find my self up at 5am in the morning because I was reading something just to learn about it. However I am not going to be spending money on books when the internet is a vast resource which is free.

You have however, not answered my questions about your post.

His Narc attributes are well displayed.

Notice how he takes aggressive stances with no material value. "I could do something but I wont." Is a common boasting of Narcs. His ego has allowed him logical blindness and he continues to challenge in a manner to assert his value but because of his obvious differences.. Hexi and I are a ble to easily distinguish the difference between him and us. Our minds are controlled by reason where as his mind is fueled by negative emotions brought about by failed parents who improperly applied compasion to their child.

No doubt he had a parent smothering him with positively reinforced attention and always praising the insignificant things he did cause lets be real.. that parent was just impressed that this retard could do anything right as, more than likely, he developed at a slower rate compared to other children and was unable to achieve the things they could. His parents noticed that their child was inferior, so in an attempt to counter balance this obvious difference.. they pampered his ego until he was all like "I am powerful but no one else sees it."

I'm sorry.. were you trying to be passively hostile with me? I prefer the direct approach. Now try to recover but keep in mind that nothing you say to me is going to stop me from laughing at that child you are still showing me. Awww.. did I hurt your feelings and cause you emotional disturbance.

You must have confused me with Jesus or your Preacher or maybe your psychologist. Really I could tell you anything because Narcs are too stupid to actually look up information. They are nothing more than grown up children. You've all got a little Narc in you. It's that part of your ego that tells you to be insignificant and attempt to attack the emotions of others. Psychopaths can instantly distinguish the difference between themselves and these sad children and rapidly make attempts to disassociate as normal egos are so.. unorganized that they associate psychopaths with narcs and then they think "That psycho did this to me." But in reality.. it was just a Narc.

It's important to notice the mild differences. Once you understand the differences.. you'll understand why a psychopath is a relaxed predator a Narc is just a sheep making a lot of noise cause they have been terrible hurt and no one ever taught them how to properly express the emotions.

Directly ask me the question and I will directly answer it within the reason of neuroscience or I can give you more biblical expressions.. whatever pampers the fragile ego that is the Narc.

You should feel bad for Narcs.. they are hurt and alone and they need others to feel good about themselves.

I can help you. Come to my house. I'll beat the crap out of you so bad that you will have no choice but to give up these false illusions of superiority and face the truth... you are human, you care what others think, and how you are acting does not make you happy but rather imprisons you in a manner which brings misery to your life.

I have challenged your ego. For all you claim.. your words are hollow and you have no real wisdom. Math is a known science. You are not a scientist. You are a mathematician. Way to give up on your dreams. It's okay, Honey. Don't listen to the bad man. You are a sweet and smart child no matter what they say.

Right memories?! Right.... Think back.. family always told you you were special. how come no one else is seeing it? omg... omg... nervous breakdown.. in your future... just waiting to happen.. LOL

"And it all crashes down, and your break your crown, and you point your finger, but there's no one around."

Do tell me what bit gave you this impression? I question all that does not stand out as obvious to me. It is my nature and is the only logical way of doing things so that I may progress my undestanding of the topic at hand, what ever it may be.



If you think I am too stupid to look things up you are gravely mistaken. I would never of found this website in the first place if I had not of been reasearching into things. I did however presume I found someone who was intrested in helping others understand them selves but it appears you would rather boast about your knowlage on the subject without telling anything. I gather you beleive I am a "narc". I would be intrested to know why, not because it offends me because it is just a lable. But so I might better understand my self instead.



This does not however discribe me in the slighest because as I have stated before, I do not actively try and harm people.


You act as if it is I that is egotistical and up my selves but I feel you are no differnt. You try and bait me with all your words but I am smart enough to know you are just a person on the internet who just enjoys trying to bait and torment those that have come looking for help.

I gave you the best description I could of my self presuming you were intrested in helping but instead you have just tryed to use it to bait me and insult me.

Unfortunately you havn't won because you havn't hurt me in the slightest. Only shown your self as nothing more then a keyboard warrior. Shame. I thought you were a decent guy.

I'll find elsewhere instead.

David, that's just what Whitewolf does. Desperately tries to find some way he can say he's "superior". I'm not too sure why, maybe insecurities...?

Just try and ignore it when he does it, I don't think he quite realises he's doing it himself...

He obviously has no understanding of the very world around him; he claims to possess knowledge of certain subjects yet fails to provide when asked for some reason or another.

Well done on ignoring it, though.

Unfortunetly I realised it clearly in the first post but figured If I played along he would help me. But by the fact he ignored my questions the first time I realised it was becoming a lost cause and upon openly pointing out he had he appeared to just open fire on me as a person. What ever makes him happy.

Thankyou for your reply either way. I will find another forum which isn't full of people trying to eat those that turn up on it. A forum for help for mentaly troubled people and they act like that. Well...

:EDIT:

Intrestingly I also picked up that he was whitewolf by the way he spoke in other threads. I wonder why I was so lucky to get the alter ego.

im DOES thinking that you should all apologizes each other. if you doesnt apologizes then all WILL has sad mind and maybe not want POST here anymore? im DOES be sure that ZENEMY does tryes to help and maybe he does DO it wrong and i thinks he DOESNT should say mean THINGS like that. THATS why i does thinking that he should apologizes.

im DOES going to start agein from BEGINNING because i not posted in this topic before so:

im does thinking that maybe you DOES values intelligence too MANY? if you does accepts that all peoples does has VERY GOOD smartness in many ways maybe then you does be HAPPIER. everyone DOES has problems and everyone DOES has happy times and people normally DOES be happy. IM does be happy. how does you VIEWS emotion? what does you thinks ABOUT emotion?
im DOES gives you advice okey? this maybe does CAN helps you. does goes to LOOK for someone you DOES respects very much and does LOOKS up to but it not can be ENYONE. it does needs be someone who is DIFFERENTLY then you. that does i thinks is GOOD advice for helping. maybe you should GOES to church too and pray it not need be christian religion it can does be enything.

but mine question is TO you:
yours TEXT does be very much thought and does be WRITTEN in moment like you does living in MOMENT and maybe you then look into yourself and write like you DOES looks through mirror. does you thinks you did writted all your posts honestly and with real heart?

Thank you for writing in forums

~Lega

I'm DOES thinking that HEXI DOES NOTS care what you thinks and I am of thinking that Zenemy DOES cares what you thinks but DOES NOT caresamoment later as he DOES NOTS HAS the emotional ability to maintain conscious thoughts. So EVEN though he DOES cares what YOU DO SAY.. he LOSES ability to MAINTAIN CARE so he does goes back to THINKING like HEXI DOES think NORMALS.

My ego tells me to strike you down. As you can see.. I am human. That attack had a lot more power available but my ego is compassionate enough not to destroy you on sight.. like Hexi might.

does you tryes to make FUN of me? i not understands why.
then MAYBE i does be wrong that you dident actually try to help and only did sayed mean THINGS to bully people and i does THINKS that does be bad thing to do. Maybe you not APOLOGIZES but why does you has so much angryness inside i only DOES tryes to help. Maybe i DOES can helps you too.. but you DOES needs tell what problem is.
All peoples DOES be special and i not think you need show how special you is because i thinks you is very SMART and not need show it by bully others. david does BE very good math person and you does be very good book person and hexi does SEES thruth in things so we does all be special and im does be very good in HELPING peoples. There does being very MANY other things like HONESTLY and COURAGE and things like THAT too.
if you DOES wants you can makes own topic to HELP you and i does will be there for you. You must trusts me. And if you DOES be even more angryness because i try help you then NOT let it go into insult other people you can INSULTS me but doesnt insults innocent peoples you does can LETS your angryness maybe insults me if you does HAS to.

Not worth it. I draw a line to mentally handicapped people. It's beneath me.

Why DOES you says that so proud? i DOES thinks it be not good ESPECIALY to try destroys mentally handicapped peoples but why you does wants to DESTROYS enyone? what does makes you LIKE that maybe i can DOES cures you but why no one even tryes to get into mine help? I does be professional. How you can KNOWS what something DOES be if you not even tryed?

Maybe i DOES can help you TOO i does WANTS to help people i not understands why people does gets so angry. You probably doesnt understands that i does prays to God and does get help from Him too. I did mated a person one time and he did had many troubles in LIFE and i did helped him too. It did TAKED long and he did struggled many times i not healed him i not miracles worker he did do it HIMSELF but i did gived him guidance. If this does not be PROOF then what does be?

And no i doesnt "hears" God but i does feels Him..

Lega, sometimes the questions answer themselves and only over time do we EXPERIENCE this knowledge. The more you experience something.. the more exposure you have to a stimuli.. the more you play baseball.. the more you learn it's a lot more fun to play than watch but **** is baseball boring to even play. I swear I only watch highlights. ****.. I drifted off.. maybe if I had more ADD meds I could tolerate the disgusting thought of trying to explain myself to him but without drugs.. no stimuli desire to do anything more than rant. lol

Oh and I LOLed a t that fool who "thinks" he's a sociopath. Doesn't it remind you of Waynes World?

"For a long time I thought I was depressed. Just turns out I had mono."

Sorry but really.. it's quite insulting both to me and Hexi that any of you even attempt to associate with him when you are all nothing more than shallow egos who cannot bare the thoughts of what you did as children.. simply because no one ever taught you how to properly process feelings and never explained things to you.

I'm sorry you were raised by stupid and now all the lies of stupid come crashing down around you. I'm sorry you accept false realities that people project on you as if they are real. I'm sorry not for you but for that feeling inside you that always tells you what the right thing is to do.. but your ego is so loud and stupid that you refuse to just.. give in and let that voice do what you know you should do. But you don't want to be controlled by feelings that make you feel good about yourselves..that's scary.. fags.

I make people pay me for this knowledge and they never ever feel cheated because unlike that priest who gives you nothing.. I fill your cup with knowledge and reason. I explain why even under Science there is still room for your faith and how the Bible always told you these things but you never heard it because no one ever taught you what those feelings you have really meant.

Bring me your sick, being me your wounded, bring me your empty cup, and I will fill it not by projecting on you my thoughts but rather explaining to you your thoughts in a manner you can understand.

My body is scared. But you know what.. I rather like it. For each time I have fallen, so to have I risen again. The scares of my body are nothing more than learning experiences. Times when I have suffered and yet.. I don't concede. I can't help but stand on accomplish. It is the foundation from which we should all stand upon.

Examples of my foundation:

-I know what it is to have been beaten, punched, had stuff thrown at you... as a child.
-I know what it is to have been physically burned and tortured.
-I know what it is to suffer brain damage that takes a kid with ADHD and shatter him into simple ADD. To any parent of a child who has ADHD. Imagine your child fell, broke his brain, and now.. that child that reminded you of when you were a child and you saw so much of yourself in this child but.. now the child is not the same at all... broken forever. Would you stop loving that child.. or do everything you could to make up for what you did.. how you failed. Imagine that grief. What would you do? How far would you go? Now imagine the whole time you've been thinking about this out loud.. your child has been sitting at the door listening to you...
-I know what it is to lie not because you want to lie but simply because if you don't lie.. your parents might beat you. So I know how you feel when you instinctively lie to someone and you really didn't mean to.. I know how you feel. Just something you were so used to as a child.

I bleed.. and you know what.. I like these scares. They remind me of how far I have come. For even with all these emotional scares.. I do not hate. I know because the real physical experience of pain has taught me.. I am not immortal. I can and I do bleed.

People who have suffered know better than to judge others on how they look or appear. They know through experience what it is to suffer and that knowledge about a person.. must be looked at carefully. That a drunk dad who beats his children may appear outwardly normal but at home... he's a different person.

That's experience. Knowledge without experience is nothing for experience must be something you experience and not something you simply read from a book. That's why a doctor who has a lot of experience in the field is far more valuable than some rookie from Harvard.

I have suffered.. I understand through experience the feelings of others. I am not some fool who thinks watching other people is going to teach me everything there is to know about them. I do not measure people in such a mid-evil method. I may act stereotypical but that is ADD forcing me to amuse myself. I like not taking meds sometimes. After all is this not who I am?

I know psychology (EASIEST CLASSES IN COLLEGE FOR A REASON) and I am being taught neuroscience, which is vastly superior in that the information is supported by science. Knowing "why" something is the way it is can actually help you understand your own feelings.

But I am Zenemy.. In Zen that means I am the enemy of the enemy within you. In English it means that even though I wound your ego.. I never harm you as a person.

www.BF2S.com Look up Zenemy.

That's me... long before you knew me I was already known for crushing the egos of others but notice how my favorite kit is medic. Even on the battlefield, I'm thinking of others...

Hexi, I often find it funny to imagine anyone trying to analyze the random denominator caused by ADD. Often they assume bi polar or unipolar or psychopathy but they never really know because I never really tell them. What does that say? Am I really good or are they really bad? I agree, they are really bad. Oh and you read this whole thing because it had structures your mind and ego both appreciated. Egos always think you are going to have to break them in order to fix the person but that's only true for some Narcs. Everyone else can be reasoned with because their minds have logical structures and they know they don't have to like me in order for my structure to help them.

i DOES not be sure what you does thinks be insulting. What you does mean what peoples did as children? I does wants to really knows. I wants to understands YOU and maybe if you tells me more about this maybe i does CAN better understands you as PERSON. I does be sure you DOES has many things to teach to me and OTHER PEOPLES. i does has ALREADY learned from you some things.
I does has many THINGS to tell peoples TOO.

I does understands a BIT more about you now it be very bad that you DID gotted bad childhood and i DOES thinks that you does learns from EXPERIENCES too yes you DOES be right. I does maybe THINKS i know what problem maybe BE. Does you can TELLS me more about yours childhood? What does you THINKS about life now? What you did THINKED before? What has you learned?

Yes i does thinks this neuroscience does be PROBABLY good thing. Many good things does COMES from it but it DOES comes from other things too. But i not KNOWS very much about neuroscience so that why i NOT can says very much.


Now i has listened to you. Can you please listens to me now?

I not think you does can be Zenemy yet. When you DOES can be Zenemy you does no longer NEEDS be Zenemy.
That does be what i WANTS to say. You not needs answers this but i just asks that you DOES reads very carefully what i DID writed.

We are two people divided by the same language.

It is sad that without more verbal or physical ques, I am unable to rely the message to you but that is a downfall of text communication. Which is why we should never base all our knowledge simply off the perception of one sense and use them all as we are often fooled by just trusting one sense. That's why I try to give you knowledge instead. Something you can measure for yourself.

I THINKS that does not be true. I already has LEARNED many things from you and other peoples here too.

From you i HAS learned that experiences does helps peoples to understand others. I has learned that science does HAS good things in psychology TOO. I has learned that PEOPLES can develop and grow in LATER AGES very fast too. I has learned more about why PEOPLES does says something and why peoples NOT say something. I does has LEARNED not looks peoples how they APPEARS and to looks what peoples are. I has gotted confirmation in MINE own abilities to helps peoples.

This does be things i has LEARNED from you, what you has SAYED, what you ARE and from your faults too.

What has you learned from other peoples?

i has ALSO learned that people does respects other peoples that is like THEMSELFS and also respects what DOES be unknown but peoples does not usually likes what they WAS before and so that be why also they not usually likes peoples that ARE like they was before.

You.. look.. I accept text-type cause lets face it.. I'm no where near perfect. So my thought is this, as long as your paragraphs are fluid and I can read them.. it's all good. I also understand how much we all hate those petty people who have nothing to say so they're like "oh look you spelled a word wrong! haha!". To those people I say this.. everytime, no matter where I see people do this, I remember little Rofio being all mad that Pan (Robin Williams) beat him at his own game and when he had nothing left he looked at Whitewolf and said... "You man!!! ....You stupid! stupid! man!!"

People understand me when I talk because I speak rather fluidly. That means my words flow.

It's not fair to me.. to learn to composs English and spend all this time trying to find new ways to express my thoughts to people through analogies I can understand and what not.. just to have someone come RAPE my language and TELLS me crap that leaves ME to believe.. he's retarded.

I cannot relay my thoughts accurately enough to Lega to communicate with him.

Or as Lega would say.. " I HAS Rtarded."

You want me to address your thoughts.. have someone come express them to me in exact terms I can understand. I don't want to take a chance of misinterpreting you and I thought giving you such a consideration was respectful. Now I'm just telling you to stop. Trying to read your crap.. offends my mania and I lack the meds to talk to you.

So really.. it's my fault, Lega. Perhaps someone else can answer your questions or rephrase them into a more proper english and I hate saying that to you cause.. I hate proper engrish.

I seem to be loosing my contributions before I post them. I was writting my opinion but I lost it so this time I will try to be "more" succinct.

I have been researching psycopathy for another purpose but I have come across some information about sociopathy that might be useful. Since I have been around psychologists and psychiatrists for a long time now, I can even have some helpful insight but I must tell you this: a forum is not the best place to seek an answer to such delicate matters. The first thing anyone should have posted here was "I can't tell for sure from what you have said and you should seek professional help". I'll give you my opinion to see if at least it abates your depressive state but be careful about what people reply: "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing."

The debate of whether or not a sociopath would care about being a sociopath is very relevent. As far as I can tell from my sources, sociopaths couldn't care less for their state of being and do not show any of the care you have showened for proper etiquette when talking to other people. No sociopath would ever say "thank you" or "please" in the way you have said it. Even if a sociopath had any problem with his behaviour, I profoundly doubt he would be depressed as you say you are.

You can still be a sociopath but you are probably under the influence of other disfunctional views of reality that are not so severe.

You yourself said you self-diagnosed the disease and not even psychiatrists do that in general: they know that self-diagnosing mental disorders is nearly impossible and very unwise. Professionals in the area, who suspect that they are lacking mental balance, always consult their peers for a third view opinion that they themselves cannot have.

Please, find yourself a good professional in the area: find one with who you can create a good therapeutic relation even if you have to try different persons.

Some people are just more distant and cold than others; some people had an infancy that didn't teach them the proper social skills to have a truly functional relation with others.

Think about it: do you go out of your way to break social rules? Do you hurt the people around you deliberatly? Did you have fun causing misery to others (to people or animals) while you were a child or a teenager?

There are many factors to take into account: you can still be a sociopath but you should definitely seek professional help.

First of all stop your recursive thoughts about the problem and try to reduce your anxiety. Seek help elsewhere.

I hope you find some peace about this subject soon.

-- What am I doing here? --

I am currently doing research on several topics for a few books and articles I am writing. I would like to make a positive contribution to fora (plural of "forum") about such topics in order to get constructive views on those matters for a better perspective on them. This is why I came here. I will not indulge myself in flamming and will not respond directly to any clearly non-constructive replies.

I have read some of Dr. Robert's responses to certain questions and I find them lacking and biased. Still, I truly wish to know what people who come here, and even Dr. Robert himself, think about my points of view for three reasons. First: I know I can, very easily, be wrong and I should keep an eye out for other opinions. Second: all points of view are important to have perspective on any matter, specially the ones one doesn't agree with. Third: wisdom can come from very strange places and one should not underestimate anyone as far as knowledge and wisdom are concerned.

Please, give me honest and constructive replies: I will return in kind.

"The slumber of reason creates monsters." - Goya

i does liked to say first: welcome to forums!!!!!!
it does be good to has new smart MIND here agein. This forums DOES has been living in mirror world some times now maybe you can takes forums BACKS to real world you does LOOKS like that kind of PERSON.


yours post does seems very good but i does asks this: what does HAPPENS if sociopath dosent exists? What does happens if there dosent be people who does be sociopaths realy and maybe there does only be people who does ignores feelings like you does can hears songs but you no wants to listens to them or dossent knows how to listens to song.


Be well
~Lega

i'm not a socio but i recently met both a narc and a socio in the same context and the difference was very marked.

the socio was silently powerful, elusive and unpredictable, the narc was like a child who's buttons were easy to press, hissing and hating at anyone or anything that crossed his path. quite something and I desired to never meet another like him again.
i'll take a socio over a narc anyday. i'll take anyone over a narc anyday.

I always thought you were a Christian, Whitewolf, yet call the Bible "BS"?

Just for reference, we all already know it's Wolf, even the "challenged" Lega.

I am also a self diagnosed sociopath and I don't want to be one either. I am suicidal but lack the guts to go thru with it. I hate living like this . my oldest daughter is just like me and hates herself. both my kids have cut me off. there is no help forme I am led to believe.