Ok, I just got to say to all of you self proclaimed psychopaths out there that I envy you. I wish I had the capacity (or lack of) to not be controlled by my emotions.
Basically, the three emotions that always controlled me are: Anger, rage, and jealousy. I just explode with those. I've always had anger issues, since I was a teenager. Picture horrible yellings at home, slamming doors, throwing things around, and swearing.
With jealousy is more about possessiveness I think, I get sick with jealousy or rage when I'm infatuated or "in love" with someone and I feel like I'm lacking control, or this person has somebody in their life with too much control over them.
I feel like it discredits me. So I try to sabotage things, manipulate, or give out ultimatums.
If things end due to one of these, I go from worshiping the person to hating them, and I don't give half a sh*t about that person anymore. So, I wait until an opportunity comes along to get back at them, in a way that would amuse me. Basically, sometimes I just play with people and get high off of it. I love manipulating circumstances, even if it comes to bite me in the ass. Somehow I am able to word myself out of ANY situation. It's a gift, and I laugh to myself when people believe those things, and act according to how I wanted them to. Don't get me wrong, I despise lying... If it doesn't serve my purpose. I don't usually lie, though... And if I do, they're tiny lies, to amuse myself.
Another thing I hate about having emotions, is that sometimes I feel guilt. I hate guilt. It eats me straight from the inside. Just like I get a rush off playing or manipulating people, and just like I can't control myself when I get furious, I feel guilt at times. After a few hours or a few days of thinking, though, I manage to get rid of it. I even come up with things to make me feel good about what I did, or justify it. It's a horrible vicious cycle.
I have always been a thinker, I enjoy isolation every once in a while. I have no regard for what other people want though, I just pretend I care. Or I care if it benefits me. If a friend says she broke up with a boyfriend, and is crying her heart out, I might say "Ohh, that's so sad, what a ******* he is." But honestly, I don't give a crap.I might even amuse myself by listening to their misery. Thank God I can decide not give a crap whenever I want to.... Except when I get those emotional outbursts.
What do you guys think it's wrong with me? And what do you think of me envying your capacity to not feel remorse and lack emotion? I'll write more as soon as I get responses.
sounds like you already are a partial psychopath by the sounds of it, OR it could be you have zero trust in people because of some serious anger/resentment in your past you are holding on to?
i have to say life seems easier, more simple without emtions, and i envy it also...as mine have not helped me in the least.
BUT if you have a tiny heart in there somewhere, you have the chance to let it grow, and then you have a shot at real love, and that does seem to make people happy. psychopaths etc.. they are unable to feel happy, but you at least have a shot.
trying to make yourself something you aren't will only add to your misery. If you are an empathic person - deep down, then you don't have a choice, better to choose to move in the direction that will make you happy rather than long to be something you simply cannot be- because your guilt will build up and you will wind up hating yourself.
It sounds like you have had a really tough time...You have some good insight into yourself also, very self aware, so knowing yourself is a good first step.. have you considered therapy? maybe you should just make a choice which way you are going to go, and evaluate the pros and cons, and then just commit..
take care, B
Dolly Madison, you do not have to be enslaved to your emotions. Find ways to become more aware of what is going on inside you and pick up some techniques to manage your feelings.
Envy is a waste of time and energy that is better spent getting yourself together.
There are pathways of thought in your mind. The pathways people choose most often are easiest pathways to access. This means.. that if you constantly choose anger.. anger becomes easier to achieve after a while. It also means that it is quite literally harder to "do the right thing" if you are a person who constantly concedes to the easy and weak emotions of anger.
I do not concede to anger unless it is an unconscious decision. That is because I am wiser than the likes of you. I have a great deal of power and I must treat that power with respect and restraint. Sure I could just massacre you all. But then I would have to fight the strongest tribe (the police) and I know I would lose. You're not worth dying for. None of you insects are worth dying for. You lack the integrity required for me to even consider you more than the simple minded animals you are.
No, not all people are this way. There are a great deal of people who still possess a soul and don't go around preying on each other. Your kind.. always thinking you are so sneaky and clever. You're all just morons trying to obtain the false illusion of power over one another. I am the only real power. All are equal under my judgement. Your money means nothing to me. Your car and clothing mean nothing to me. I judge people on how they were raised and how they overcame difficulties.
I admire those who choose paths of more difficulty. Who don't concede to simple minded tactics but actually evolve themselves and grow as individuals.
You.. are a waste of space on my planet. In a world ruled by my logic.. you die. Truly a great deal of you mean nothing to me. Those who would seek to harm one another for no more reason than to control.. are worthless creatures. You are not the alpha.
You are just some pathetic creature who couldn't withstand the emotional abuse of your raising and now have a failed cooping mechanism for power. You realize what a terrible creature you are and you wish you could just turn off that unconscious part of your mind?
Here's a better idea. Grow up. Life is hard and you're going to be treated unfair ALL OF YOUR LIFE. The more you try to control the less power you have.
Your reply was brilliant. It really was. You go deep into it. I have been trying to achieve that power of restraint that you have. Mind is a beast, you gotta control it or else it controls you. I think it is pathetic trying to control others, you're right on that. I personally don't care about money either, or cars, or the clothes you were, or **** like that... I do judge people on how they went through life. This is one main reason I don't respect others so easily...Not everybody chooses that difficult path in life. I need mental stimulation, hard to get on just your average Joe. PS. I actually had quite a normal childhood.
Are you sure you care or simply helive you must have emotions as it's normal? I lied to myself for a long time, telling myself how to feel even when i didn't. I actually thought that thinking that something is wrong is the same thing, but it isn't.
Internal monologue: Doing that is wrong. Is it? Why? Because you shouldn't steal, it's not right for you to take. Why? You know what? I don't know. Good, as i don't care.
I've actually asked myself that quite a few times Hexi. I wonder if I'm really just programming myself to say things just because that's the way they're supposed to be. Words without meaning. I've wondered that same thing: If just thinking something is wrong is the same as feeling it. But it isn't...Maybe I've been lying to myself as well.
I think it's easy for socios/psychopaths to lie to themselves without even understanding if they don't think about it. I mean... how do you know a thought from a feeling if you don't question what a feeling is and you just assume thoughts of negativity or positivity are feelings?
What is the difference between a thought and a feeling? Hormones?
I think there is a quantifiable physical reaction in you when you feel emotions. The brain tells you good or bad and you feel it in your body. An extreme of this effect is the rush of adrenaline in you to survive a life-threatening situation or a state of extreme rage. Doing something negative to another human being without any reason or provocation and feeling nothing is a good indication that you lack compassion atleast, just outright stabbing someone in the face for fun is taking it to the extreme but it brings a certain clarity to your own mind. Now, i'm not saying you should go out and stab a random person but you should experiment what makes you tick and, consequently, what doesn't.
You can guess all day and night or you can pickup books and read. I've read "The Dream Workbook" by Robert Langs MD. I'm reading "Neuroscience: Exploring the brain" now. I even got "Dreams: A way to listen to God" by some joker named Morton Kelsey... for the Biblical translations of the science or (insert Christian theme). Freaking Christians... even science would be considered pagan had they their way.
All I've learned points me to believe that your awareness controls less of your life than you realize. Sometimes those thoughts that come to your head are actually unconscious suggestions. What makes you feel bad about decisions you make? You know what you did was wrong because your unconscious TOLD YOU it was wrong and you did it anyway. Why do you stay up all night thinking about things you could have and should have done/said? Unconscious mind told you to do things and you didn't. Therefore it punishes you with grief. You are here to serve your unconscious just as it is designed to serve you.
That voice in the back of your head.. is a part of your brain telling you to do smart things. Your unconscious does not care about your morals or any of that crap. It seeks only the self preservation and it maintains the emotional output to the conscious mind.
I believe it's fair to say your cooping mechanisms (Drinking, drugs) in life are the aware minds direct attempt to avoid unconscious suggestions/guilt/emotional torment. If you remember that all emotions are first received by the unconscious and then transferred to the conscious... it is fair to say that what you emotionally are capable of experiencing is decided by your unconscious.
Decisions are made in your head without the aware minds knowledge of such. Also the aware mind often employs denial as a form of cooping with burdensome knowledge. Any thoughts of yourself or others are usually powered by the conscious mind as the unconscious does not concern itself with insignificant issues. Also issues of emotional defense are handled by the conscious as the unconscious has already filtered such thoughts and allowed them to bare down on the conscious.
According to Robert Langs MD, the unconscious is highly structured and prefers well defined borders. The unconscious mind also creates the undertone of feelings based ideas...
A psychopath lacks much of the emotional capacity set forth by the aware mind. We don't feel pain or sorrow for our actions. Which could mean that in some ways the conscious mind is attached directly to these parts of the brain and once those parts go missing.. there are less conscious ideas. Giving the unconscious more power to directly influence conscious decisions. If the psychopath was ruled more by unconscious and the unconscious mind is responsible for the transference of emotion to the conscious mind.. it would explain the lack of remorse. As the unconscious mind has no morals other than those designed in the interest of its own survival. The unconscious is considered a more natural and primitive part of the brain yet it is responsible for maintaining all of your bodies functions and attempts to maintain the mental state of the aware mind. Quite absurd that it is considered to be the primitive part of the mind in some textbooks but more so this simply enforces the idea that the aware mind is truly defensive and cannot even acknowledge the superiority of the unconscious. My awareness has no such issue with the matter.
Explain to me shock. What part of the mind is experiencing shock if not the unconscious? Why is it we go into shock? Why not just experience all that pain? An unconscious decision was made without the aware minds knowledge. Your unconscious mind wants nothing more than to protect you (the aware part of your mind). So allowing you to endure terrible agony would put too much physical stress on the body. The unconscious understands the limitations of the conscious mind and simply shuts you down. Turns you off into sleep mode. In metaphoric terms.. you are a child and your unconscious mind is the parent who protects you. You are never alone.
Who carries you when you fall? Your unconscious mind. It's what keeps you going. It handles all the pain you cannot. It filters what it can to censor your mental existence in a manner in which is sustainable to the conscious mind. It tries so hard to fix you, to talk to you in your dreams, and explain to you that all your suffering is only because you do not listen to it. If you would listen... you could have inner peace. Fatal dreams are usually an unconscious way of telling you that your existence is not secured. Unrealistic dreams where you bounce place to place usually means severe unconscious anxiety. You may not feel the anxiety but a part of you does. Dreams that are sexually discomforting usually mean you feel that your private space has been violated. Whether it be parents coming in your room, people breaking family rules, home intrusions... anytime you feel someone has stepped past your comfort zone. All of these dreams must be fueled by strong emotions.
Neuroscience: Exploring the brain 3rd edition: "Given the diversity of emotions we experience, there is no compelling reason to think that only one system, rather than several, is involved." ...in emotional processing. No one part of the brain controls all emotions and many areas that do control emotion also serve another unrelated function as well. Meaning they are not dedicated simply to emotion. Which adds to the complexity of understanding the mental mind in science terms.
Also the unconscious mind does not accept any bendable rule. All rules must be written in stone for the unconscious to acknowledge them. Just as psychopaths can easily justify WHY they break waivering laws. There's just no rule, good enough, for the unconscious to obey if it waivers in any manner. "If the rules aren't always enforced.. they aren't rules." That is a subconscious type of thought. Hexi and Madison seek to "question" these rules that subconsciously.. they do not accept. However, if I were to produce a set of rules for them that would always be enforced.. subconsciously they should find this new stimuli rather appealing as it adds structure to the frame of subconscious thought. So systems that are highly structured and the rules are strictly enforced.. are appealing but the moment you bend those rules for any reason.. they will subconsciously become disgusted and begin distancing themselves from that activity. Which could perhaps explain why many psychopaths have a hard time holding a job. They become disenchanted by corruption or unfair treatment (as perceived) and then unconsciously.. they quit. As the unconscious demands solid rules and once a violation of said rules occurs.. the conscious will unknowingly act on said subconscious decisions.
And THAT... is where thoughts come from according to science. But as science is still unable to truly explain everything with more precision.. well that leaves room for God and spirituality. If nothing else you are achieving a more peaceful coexistence with yourself that will enable you to have a more relaxed acceptance of death. For science can only explain with logic where as the art of psychological deception cannot be defined with such limitations. Just as the conscious must be straight forward to comprehend, the unconscious must exist through the art of deception.
Example: everything I say and do has multiple meanings. I don't do anything random. Everything is calculated and intentionally done. Nothing is left for chance. My own tendencies are suppressed to play the character I attempt to personify. Your unconscious mind detects my actions and with no knowledge of your own.. you can react unconsciously to my suggestions. Which, in turn, tells me exactly how you unconsciously feel about the stimuli I have presented. In doing so you are unknowingly giving me critical information I need to properly approach you on an unconscious level and provide your unconscious with the proper stimuli to achieve the emotional reaction from you I so desire (in person).
Basically.. I emotionally hack people using their own subconscious/unconscious/whatever against them. My very body gesturing and actions will subconsciously suggest to them my intentions and if I can satisfy their subconscious... their egos quickly follow up.. not even knowing why.. fools. I just seem like a likable guy to the ego or awareness or conscious. Whatever YOU prefer to call yourself but before you even considered liking or disliking me.. unconsciously it was already decided and you had NO SAY in the matter. How you "felt" towards me was your unconscious telling the conscious how to feel.
I personify despair? To know you are not the master? Or do I personify a hint of hope? That you are never alone. The most interesting aspect of it is that without verbal or physical interaction.. a lot of your judgment is based on your conscious mind. But if you were to meet me in person, I could easily disarm your subconscious and "change how you feel about me". Perhaps that explains cult personalities? They unconsciously provide you with the structure and rules you crave? ....I have got to stop lecturing psychological theories. It could go on forever. My bad.
Using subliminal messages to feed the subconscious with stimuli is a very old concept and the effects to the conscious widely accepted. I don't agree with the rules part though. It doesn't matter how enforced the rule is, if i don't personally agree with it or don't see the logic of it, i dismiss it. I might obey the rules to not get punished but in no way does that mean i accept it and thus break it whenever i want and know i can get away with it.
Your example of exchance of the subconscious seems daft. What makes you think it isn't done to you instead? Do you somehow magically control your subconscious to a higher degree than others? For example, i don't come across as a nice guy. Pretty much everyone feels uneasy around me for some reason, a sense of insecurity and danger is what few have described when i asked what was their first impression. I disarm people so they avoid me, how does that work? Maybe it's because i dislike people in general, to quote Carlin that you so much like: "just shut the **** up! i don't CARE about you or your problems!"
Was this the sort of a reply you expected? I tried to oblige :P
I disagreed with your theory. Also i dislike order, people feel safe when there is order. I prefer chaos, chance, the randomness of the universe is what i embrace, not try to categorize and cotrol every aspect of my life or others. Any animal is most interesting when they run out of options and their instincts fail them. It's the same with humans. When they have nothing to rely on or believe in, that's when they become interesting. A rubics cube is a good analogy. You can twist and turn it but untill you smash it apart you will never see the whole, the parts of it's sum. Order is an illusion, something we cling onto to feel better, some even tell themselves there is a grand plan for everyone. Only a delusional idiot thinks anything has any true order or that we are actually in control of anything.
I'm shocked you tell others to read books when you can't even comprehend what you read. You sound like toby now, how pathetic.
Let me explain what i meant. Is the subconscious in control of my impulses and behaviour? Yes. Does the conscious mind try to rationalize my impulses? Yes. The point i was trying to make is that even though there is structure and order within the subconscious, the conscious mind tries to control the impulses and understand and this is what i find pointless. Your subconscious dictates thje impulses behind your actions and ensures your survival, to claim otherwise is delusional and trying to bring order into that chaotic combination is not what i try to do, i embrace the conflict and rather than try to fight my impulses, i analyze them to better understand them.
It's hard to put into words what i mean and i just realized what i wrote sounds confusing. I get your meaning, i really do and i agree with the theory but i look at it a bit differently. Also, when you dream your brain releases DMT, which is the most powerful hallucinogenic known to man so i have my doubts about what dreams really are. If you've never taken any hallucinogenics you won't understand what i mean and that's fine but you should try as it will change your view on things for sure.
Are we going to take LSD and go to the spirit world or something? I don't think so. My power is already fueled by knowledge.
Your dreams are the only time when your unconscious speaks.. indirectly to your conscious. Other than that all suggestions are done without conscious knowledge.
You experienced a powerful emotion in your dream? It was caused by the same part of your brain that regulates your heart and every other aspect of your body, the unconscious.
Hexi, you know a chemical is released into the brain but you don't know why or how? You will never know but do trust that maybe.. just maybe your unconscious is a whole hell of a lot smarter than you and it is the reason for all your feelings, ect.
Now if you wanna say that maybe God is your unconscious.. than I'll accept your spirituality but by the rules of logic.. that voice in your head that always tells you the most reliable course of actions to take... is your unconscious mind.
If you can concede your ego and train yourself to be more aware of it.. it folds all your knowledge. I've not only been using unconscious suggestions on people but now I am aware of unconscious signals I send people and how to prevent them all. How to accurately cloak myself from even the unconscious mind. It goes way beyond normal manipulation. I plant seeds of thought in peoples minds that sprout days later. In doing so I can accurately predict the future of that persons probably mental state and not only that.. but know on an unconscious level the more intricate details of their functioning.
Have you ever damaged a persons subconscious? Consciously they aren't even aware of the emotional stress you are flooding them with. Days later the unconscious floods over into their conscious sending waves of emotional distress at them. But then you switch your subconscious suggestions to all positive and friendly. It also works to fix them as well. So you can fix their future moods.. I like it.
Tell me a relatively short story. Make it something powered by your imagination. Anyone. tell me a story or a reoccurring dream. I want to train.
I wouldn't call it the spirit world, unless you suggest that when you dream you also go to a spirit world. Also, only take organics, like shrooms, and none of that manufactured stuff. DMT is maded by a chemical mixture. Why? one can only guess, perhaps our brain is trying to expand it's understanding of the universe it's in. Since it's done while the unconscious is in control, maybe taking hallucinogenics is something good for you? Afterall, it's what the brain does on it's own.
A recurring dream? Post-apocalypse is a recurring theme. It's not a science fiction kind, mind you, just the kind where the world of humans has gone wrong.
Keep trying wolfie, you'll get there eventually. Or not, oh well.
See, you're the hero of the movie. The champion of all that is good and just. I'm the short guy with a hood up, smoking a cig and having a sword on my shoulder, snorting at you because your greatness is meaningless to me, it has no value whatsoever in my view. You bash in your glory, i move on to the next thing that interests me enough to put effort into, a drifter. Almost all your obsrvations and analyzes have been wrong as you seem to assume i want to be like you, i really, really don't.
haha, i said that because at that time, i did have my hoodie on with the hood up and a cig in my mouth as i was about to go out for a smoke. I didn't actually think much of the metaphor, the last part was more important. You analyze what i write too much at times, other times you miss the point on purpose and use the toby tactic to try and annoy me, it's amusing. :)
It's easy to just move on and ignore people as i don't form attachments to anything, that's not running away. I spend time doing something as long as it interests me and then i move on. It suits me fine and i'm not gonna defend it.
I don't seek the approval of others to validate my existence. Like i said, it's meaningless to me.
Neither of you possess the mental capacity to find your purpose in life. Your life is meaningless as you will never have the capacity to define it. Trapped b y your own ignorant and blind egos you are ****ed to suffer till the end of time.
Live with the knowledge that there are those among you who are superior to you, who rose where you have fallen, and who will never see you as anything more than you are.. wasted potential destroyed by ego.
I will, live that is, without the validation of others. Shame you will never accomplish that as you cannot function without others feeding your vanity, quite ironic.
I am.. compelled to pursue you, Hexi.
I'm sorry I keep backing you into the corner. I just have this drive to.. hunt you. For some reason I am seeing you as weak and inferior. It makes me feel compelled to have aggression towards you. I don't know if it's an attempt to help you or an attempt to just hunt you because I see you as weak. But for whatever reason I acknowledge it's my fault we have been having these conflicting conversation.
But I will not deny my desires even though I logically understand them. I am compelled to inflict certain pains on you. As if to punish you for being weak and acting out of line.
I really believe I can fix you through physical violence. i wouldn't employ that method against them but against you.. it would be fun to break your ego. Nothing like hurting someone in order to help them. It's all love though. No anger like you.. no dwelling on dark thoughts and being stuck in the void. I left that behind. Enjoy!
Ok, just wanna say, yes it feels pathetic trying to control people around you... But it's just for one of a few reasons: 1. A rush 2. Being bored 3. Anger 4. Other reasons I don't remember...
Which I don't know why I have so much anger, or jealousy...I think the jealousy is not because I give a **** about another person, but it's something inside of me.
I feel like I can't be happy BECAUSE OF others. I feel like I can only be happy in isolation. Just me. I seriously dislike people... Somebody might say I am disrespectful but I can't even see it... It's like I don't even know what they're talking about. I couldn't care less about people's approval. That's got me in a bit of trouble throughout my life.
It's like they see things I can't see... Or maybe I see beyond what they see. It's strange. I react differently to things.