I struggle with a problem wich i used to think was jealousy when i first noticed it with my ex-gf of over a year. I was single for a year after it destroyed our relationship, where i got back to normal and enjoyed life to the full again. But now i am with a different girl who i love and the problem has returned. I now have reason to believe its something far deeper than jealousy.
Im on a waiting list at the moment for CBT and was on 40Mg of Prozac, now im on 20mg ciprolex. Iv had some ok days but in general i am struggling to get up every morning or work or even socialise, im constantly being sick, have lost a lot of weight and cannot enjoy basic things any more. Basically i find that whenever ANY MALE shows ANY form of interest in her, it hurts me hugely. I dont doubt her faithfullness and i dont believe she would cheat on me or leave me.
We are both very serious about eachother. She is beautiful and very outgoing. Boys notice her. But i have found i react in such a way wich is far beyond normal. Even if she dresses up nicely i cant look at her without feeling a huge sinking feeling in my stomach, to the point where sometimes im sick, sometimes like last night i cry for hours. If men whistle at her in the street or stare, i cant bear it and i just want to go home and hide away. I never control her or change her. I spend all day every day from when i wake till when i sleep, with unstoppable images of other boys being attracted to her, or her with exes etc. Its this rumination about it which causes me the most distress as i feel unable to rid my mind of the images. I find when we are out in public i feel very anxious and on edge as if something bad may happen, and want to get indoors ASAP. I also CONSTANTLY question her about her past, even repeating the same questions, then double checking to make sure i have it straight in my head, before instantly moving onto another question. She answers but it doesnt actually give me any relief, but i feel compelled to check. This cycle is endless, for instance i went over on my phone bill by over £50 this month and i still cant stop texting to get the reassurance on even previously covered topics, just to hear her say the same answer again.I desperately want some form of diagnosis. It is completely wrecking my life. despite being able to see how irrational it is. Please help.