Awareness is quite painful to me, at times. I can't share it.

When I casually observe someone in some setting, I often know what they will do before they do. I see the eventuality of the situation. I know how it will play out. I recognize some unexpected bit of chaos my alter the outcome, but typically things progress as I predict. And I hate that. Most of the time, I try not to see. Well, actually, some of the patterns are comforting to see play out again and again, and some are not. I'm thinking of the ones which are not at the moment.

And perhaps happy is the wrong word. Blissfully unaware is better.

These people seem to have no control over their lives, just drifting along with whatever happens, neither overly startled by injustice nor particularly impressed with success, unless it's somehow personal. I don't mean they don't have emotions. They feel pain when injured or can't meet selfish desires. They feel joy when they get things or whatever. But the real weight of the universe never enters their minds, doesn't weigh down on their shoulders. They've just relinquished all control and go wherever the system directs, never questioning whether they belong or fit in, content just to be any part of it.

Ask most anyone, he or she will say greed is bad. But no one feels a responsibility to end it. I do. I wish I didn't, but I do. And I both know that it could be done and that it won't be done, and that is just so frustrating. I'm sure I'm projecting, but I sometimes can't shake the feeling that I would be "happy" if I could relinquish all control like it seems they do and just drift along, waiting to see what happens, not responsible to make it. And so, they seem happy to me. Again, probably the wrong word, especially now that I think about it outloud.


p.s. derail the thread, please. This is far more productive than whether or not one can be depressed and sad or whether or not one has posted incorrect information in a completely other thread. ;)

I know what I'm looking for, but not how to find it. I think it may be here somewhere, or at least parts of it, but I can't find something I don't have unless I happen to see it and realize it's what I was looking for. So, honestly, the original intent of the thread was not to talk about the specific topic of the thread, if that makes any **** sense at all.

That is actually quite interesting. I sometimes tend to interject in events, just to see how the outcome differs from my original assesment with no material gain, purely for amusement.

Another point is that, instead of wanting to change the world i smile when i see where it's headed, how people scream that someone should do something, always expecting someone else to save them and this disgusts me but it is ironic at the same time. If people woulnd't be selfish, ignorant cowards they, themselves, could change the world to be a beatiful place. There wouldn't be a single starving, homeless or curably sick person in the world. Heck, US could accomplish this with the money they've spent on the occupations.

The point of this is, the change has to be collective.

LOL:)

I like absurd humor a great deal too. It's amusing, like I think the definition of amusing indicates it should feel, if you know what I mean.

Grosse Point Blank is maybe one of the funniest movies in the world to me.