I exist for myself...

Well that sums up your problems. Life doesn't mean much without purpose and living for yourself isn't purpose. It's a shallow, meaningless and unforfilling existance. Why seek that?

Why not just excel at life instead? It's okay to have fun.

I used to push my car to 130 just to feel alive. Always looking to that distant sky. So I can look death right in the eyes and laugh. It's that moment between life and death. After a while I just came to accept that I can't taunt death into killing me. But the good die young so maybe if I continue my good natured deeds I could final die. They say Heaven is so great but I don't see any of you trying to get there. LOL

No, I'm not suicidal. But I do believe that if you positively influence your enviornment.. there's a chance your good karma will be reflected. Besides it's easy to break these people down. Why not take the challenge of building them? Sorry, I've always liked challenges.