Good evening.

To be specific, I was referring to difficulties I have academically, socially, mentally and physically.

I am currently in a science undergraduate program and I have struggled through much of my classes, especially my labs. My clumsiness has led to mistakes and damage to lab equipment. I also have terrible short term memory and I often forget what I am doing in the middle of a task, leading to gross inefficiency.

As I mentioned before, I strived to be more social my freshman college. When I struggled, I went to my school's counseling services, where my therapist suspected that I had social anxiety. I accepted this idea, because it seemed to make sense: I was very quiet throughout high school and did not make close friends. My counseling appointments led me to realize many of my behaviors that put people off. First, I often look straight ahead when I go from one place to another. I don't know when I started doing it, but I have found this may be one of the main reasons people I don't know sometimes act antagonistically torwards me.

I often have trouble with concentration, especially when I need to read. I often find myself in a cycle of fantastic thinking that can last for hours. I have literally read the same three lines in book over and over because of these thoughts.

When I was in eighth grade, I was told by my doctor that I was flatfooted. At the time, I did not understand what it meant and I was unaffected. When I found that it meant I had collapsed arches on my feet, I became pretty bitter. It explained why I had an awkward gait, and sometimes pain when I stood in one place for more than 5 minutes. It was during my "research" on flatfootedness that I happened upon dypsraxia. I noticed that I also exhibited many characteristics of dyspraxics.

It is for these reasons that I spend most of my time worrying what will become of me after college.

Thank you for being specific Base. And I must tell you that I believe you are selling yourself a bill of goods if you think anything you have said means that you have to become someone you are not, or that you should be starved for love. Nothing you shared proves that you are insufficient and that you must be frightened about what will happen to you after college. I also suspect that you are deriving some sort of psychological benefit from this “I’m not worthy” story you are holding onto. On some level, you believe it serves you. You are hypnotizing yourself friend. Snap out of it!

If only you could see beyond the story running in your mind. You’d see just how ok you actually are!