You're not alone, Natasha! I hear what you are saying that you don't have the time or resources to get the therapy you need, but in my opinion, therapy is the first thing you need to do. I have been in therapy almost four years for BPD, PTSD, ADD, MDD, and OCD. I have made miraculous improvements and am now able better handle relationships. I now am starting to feel whole again, and this is what finally has brought me peace. I really hope you find a good psyhologist because this CAN get better!
Be well