dear dr. robert forum,
when i was about 12 my brother made me watch porn with him and began trying to get me to touch myself and touching me. he told me that he could do something special with all my siblings but had nothing special to do with me and itd be cool to just hang out and watch porn together. he also told me to keep quiet and hed buy me a cell phone. this has been always on my mind for the past years and now i can seem to have sex or even have any sexual pleasure with my boyfriend or get close with him and i feel like this experience is the reason why.i feel like i dont have any emotion cause i dont cry or feel depressed about it because i put a wall up and i cant talk to people about it its so embarressing to me. this has been one of the reasons that has led me to using alchol instead of having emotions. i dont know if i was molested or it was my fault. im scared he might have done other stuff to me when he talked me into drinking a few weekes before that with him and i dont remember anything about that night. i dont know what to do or how to get help. i might try mercymenistries but im not sure.
please help me.

l.'