I am in such an amazing place almost a year to the date of my fathers passing....
Throughout the year I thought it was somehow a cruel joke that he passed on Christmas..I thought missing him would ruin every Christmas....
Today...I am thankful he passed on Christmas.. He left me on a day of celebration....The holiday is about love and giving...children smile... Adults smile.. I will never be alone on the anniversary of his passing...I will always be surrounded by my loved ones..The city shuts down!!! No one expects me to be anywhere but where I am at...No bills to pay....No expectations on this day....
I know I will cry...I know I will cry alot... I wont be alone..I will be surrounded by love and peace..
Christmas 08.. I felt so much guilt for not being with my dad.. I sat on a hill.. in my car.. in the rain. eating chocolate covered cherries!! No one knew I did that...It was not a peaceful feeling...Tasted good though...Bitter~Sweet
My fathers final gift to me is a beautiful one... He gave me the gift of support and love every christmas...
I will honor him..I will thank Him...I will enjoy my children because its what he would be doing...

Beautiful Gift...

Andrea: What a beautiful way to look at your dads passing on that day; and thats exactly how he would want you to be. You have come a long way, we both have. We have so much more to be thankful for than we do to feel sorry for! Its still gonna hurt when that day comes but you will be cushioned by so many and by your angels.You will surely be in my thoughts and prayers!! I can picture your dad smiling with his eyes beaming from being so proud of you! I just got chills as i told you that so I know its true!
What a beautiful uplifting post! Thank you so much for just being you. You are such a very special person I hope you know that! And I feel so blessed to be your friend! Your post here just makes me so happy I could shout!!! But I would wake Randy so I better not!! Im shouting on the inside though! I love you Andrea!!!.....................marcy

Thank You Marcy.... If you knew my dad you would know his eyes sparkled..It was his sparkly eyes in life that comforted me..When the rest of his body has started to fall apart he still looked at me with his sparkly eyes..I felt loved and comforted..
It held me up......You were very right to see that..
I never thought I would be where I am at today..I carried sooo much pain and grief for years even before he got ill... I have so much to offer myself and others.. My dad would NEVER let me blame him for not taking on the world...
Marcy.. Your simple but amazing gesture of asking me to explain my story, Saved me...Thank You and I would like to think I will be able to pass that gesture on to someone else.... I know we still have a long road ahead,But I am not afraid....
Everyone heals in their own time... in their own way... It just sure helps to have a friend to walk beside me...
I know my dad had to pass to free me to be who I need to be.... I was weak.... He gave me this beautiful journey on a platter... I dont think I can help others grieve..I dont really know how I made it through..I do want to help people live though.. Love You Marcy! thank you for wanting to shout.. its the thought that counts :-)