Can any one tell me how to calculate the correct amount and strength of coffee to drink in the morning to fully wake up prior to noon by including the following information: weight, age, lack of sleep and region of the country you live in?
The proper terminology you are referring to is "gooned up".
Goonification can be achieved using the following formula:
g=w x pi(sc/cm) x (hs/n)x 3
A good illustration of this would be to take your weight times pi. Since pi is used to determine the circumference of a circle you can see why this must be used. You would then multiply this value by the number of scoops of coffee you use divided by the number of cups your coffee maker produces.
This value is then multiplied by the hours of sleep you intend to have divided by your normal sleep hours. Once this is determined you may then take the number of scoops of coffee you normally use and multiply it by this value.
True gooniness would be obtained after approximately three 10oz cups.
While the time zone does not influence this formula, it is cetain that those who live in time zones where tea consumption is prevalent will reach Coffee Enlightenment after about one cup.
I must mention one other factor: This formula has been developed using Folgers Columbian Medium Roast. If you are using a more demure product you may have to "Kick it up a Notch"....BAM!