I forgot to add that I was pretty torn up after I had a dream about a man and a baby [I'm not quite sure if it was a dream or an image that popped up into my mind - probably a dream, one that was just there quite soon before I woke up] but after I had the dream and had forgotten about it I had an image pop up into my mind that reminded me of it and I was crying about it, thinking the worst about myself cause of it just messed up really. I still can't quite shake that image out of my head, it's just there. I guess I'll always be like this? it's horrible, I really think I'm disgusting. why can't I be different?

NO. can't get that image out of my mind now I've talked about it, god why did I make it worse?! no sure it was even necessary to talk about about it..