My whole life I've had a minor case of anxiety/OCD that has caused me to obsess about stupid stuff. I used to be addicted to video games really bad in middle school and some of high school. i guess you can say I was addicted to playing guitar for the beggining of high school. Now, I live a pretty balanced life (thankfully) probably due to maturity and a couple of spiritual LSD trips that I've taken in the past couple of months. However, I've gotten into a mild obession of wondering if I'm gay. I guess this is called "hocd" and I had pretty much gotten over this 99% through rationalizing and some self-theraputic thinking sessions and self-therapy where I pretty much do the opposite of whatever it wants me to do.
ANYWAY, I just remembered this one time in either preschool or kindergarden where I felt generally weird about this one other boy. I didn't know him (This was before I really made any friends, first couple days of school) but I remember looking at him and something about him made me feel weird. I don't think I was attracted to him or liked him or anything, maybe I just looked up to him and thought he was "cool". Anyway, I know it's stupid as hell to obesess about and that nobody is really completely 100% straight but whatever I just felt like saying it. Whatever, I like girls now (and have as long as I remember aside from whatever the hell I was thinking when I looked at that kid in like preschool that I'm probably sure was a boy). Maybe I found him to be good-looking or something? Maybe I just randomly chose to feel weird about him in my weird headpace as a preschooler because I looked up to him for some reason and chose to associate weird feeling with him?
Whatever, I know this is pointless and stupid, I just felt like throwing it out there. You're probably gonna tell me that you don't know what I was thinking because you're not me and nobody is really %100 straight anyway and since I feel attracted towards girls and see guys as buddies/friends then I'm not gay and that I probably just chose to associate weird feelings with him because something about him seemed to different to me and everything is weird as hell when you're a little kid.
Well, this was stupid. At least I got to write out my thoughts so I can rationalize them better, It's like a therapist without the therapist. I'm gonna stop succuming to this stupid "hocd", I usually have these mini/mild obessions throughout my life that die out after a couple of weeks (It's been a couple weeks and this stupid shit is dying down) along with my bigger ones. It seems like these smaller obsessions are the result of anxiety and the bigger ones such as video games are the result of a want of pleasure in general (Seems pretty normal to me, I guess I just obssess over my hobbies a little). Wow, just typing this out is really letting me learn a lot about myself. Be well my friends ,I think that I pretty much answered my own little questions here. If you feel like you have anything interesting to add then feel free. Now that I've spent the last couple of days rationalizing this stupidass, annoying, and ever-so-slightly traumatizing HOCD I feel like I've got the whole stupid thing sorted out. It looks like I'm ready for my next acid trip in 3 days, hopefully all of my (irrational) anxiety will be completely wiped out forever after this one. It's been working wonders for me so far.
I ended up taking the acid two days ago, experiened ego death and pretty much fixed my mind. Life is beautiful :)
I do not condone taking LSD in order to try and solve your problems unless you're under the supervision of an experienced physchotherapist although if you choose to do so, I wish you the best of luck
LSD is great for mental issues that make you confused and frustrated. Shrooms are also great for seeing things clearer. Weed, the correct one and not this crap that just makes you mellow, is amazing for creativity and seeing things in a new perspective. People fear these drugs or abuse them but when taken correctly, they can help you immensly.