I ve read up on the signs of a sociopath, and noticed that I show almost all of them.
They also have useless 20 question tests to "determine" if you're a sociopath. Have you taken one of those yet?
I have frequent nightmares that wake me up very early in the morning. I'm sick to my stomach and constantly depressed and looking for ways and schemes to win these people back into my life.
sounds like remorse
I was wondering if there is something that I can do to stop the way I am behaving. I really do love all these people...and I want them in my life.
sounds like guilt.
You probably feel fear too. You appear to worry and get depressed. You have no role model for how a man should act towards a woman in a relationship, and the one you were ultimately given was lackluster it sounds like. Your mom was probably a pushover too, and you learned early that it's easier to lie or manipulate than get turned down or be told 'no.' all that carries over into your young adult life, and now you're obsessed with a girl but don't know how to maturely deal with the emotions you feel. And with a lack of a relationship model of your parents to follow, you simply don't have the tools to hold this relationship down. Mostly because you're young.
Learn what you can from it and move on with your life. Apply those lessons to your next relationship, and gradually with more and more successes you'll develop those tools and use them to build a strong relationship with someone you can spend your life caring about.
Oh, and as for all the guilt and remorse stuff you are feeling, you could maybe start with an admission of your misdeeds (to yourself) and work your way to an apology to the individuals. It's like steps 4-7 of a twelve step recovery program or something. Actually, go to an AA meeting and admit to them you're a pathological liar and manipulator and would like to sit it on a recovery program meeting. Maybe there's a liars anon. whatever. Just go. It's actually quite fun, drunks tell the wildest stories.
i mean, i'd say seek out a therapist to talk to about your emotional problems, but, that seems like the cliched response.