Dear Dr. Saltzman,
I have depression. I have had it for quite some time but only recently have I taken actions to help me in the “healing” process. Recently I have also noticed that I am also a sociopath. I grew up in with a single parent, my mom, and was always told that my father was in India. When my “father” came to the U.S.; I noticed that I look nothing like him and his treatment of me made me feel as if he wasn’t my father. I also noticed a change in my mother, who went from being close to her kids to being close to this man. I was upset because my mother believe him more than me. When I was 13, and about to graduate from 8th grade, I found out that I was actually a bastard child and my father has not seen me and left before my mom gave birth to me. Throughout high school I became rebellious and developed early sociopathic tendencies. I lied, manipulated people, got into fights for the “rush” and in a way used people to further my own needs.
About two years ago, I met this wonderful young woman. She was somewhat shy and somewhat tough. I saw her as if she was a younger version of my mother. She made me feel good about myself and I was happy. I loved her, and still do. About a month ago I was dumped by her on the grounds that I never give her any space. Even after the break-up I still didn’t find myself giving her space. I was constantly calling and texting her or “bumping” into her on campus. I would find or create ways for us to interact. Before when we were together I would lie to her or manipulate her feelings towards me to have her shun everyone else in her life and spend time with just me. After the break-up, I did the same thing. I lied and manipulated numerous situations to my advantage. When my health faltered I tried to use her concern for me to get her closer to me.
I’ve read up on the signs of a sociopath, and noticed that I show almost all of them. I have a very large ego, I am a pathological liar, very manipulative, I don’t care for certain people (only the ones close to me), I hold dreams of “ruling the world” and I always feel like I’m right, even when I’m not I justify myself. I emotionally blackmail the people that I care about so that way I can get what I want, as in the case of my ex-girlfriend. I know that she still holds strong feelings for me, and that I still also hold strong feelings for her. My only problem is that I can’t trust myself to become less of a sociopath. Everything I read about it tells me that it is untreatable. I’m worried because I do not want to hurt the people I love with the way I’ve been acting recently.
I was wondering if there is something that I can do to stop the way I am behaving. I really do love all these people, which I’ve read is uncommon for a sociopath, and I want them in my life. I'm in college now and I can see that my grades are dropping. I have frequent nightmares that wake me up very early in the morning. I'm sick to my stomach and constantly depressed and looking for ways and schemes to win these people back into my life. I know I have a problem and I really want to do something to fix it, I just don't know what. If you can, please do help me.
Thanks a million,
This made me laugh, thank you for that.
why did that make you laugh?
Bro, you're not a sociopath.
If you were a sociopath you wouldn't be on this forum seeking advice. Were you actually a sociopath, you would see nothing at all wrong with your misdeeds even were you to recognize that you manipulate people. Sociopaths usually only begin to feel upset when they realize that they are incapable of feeling anything at all. You clearly have emotions and regret the times you feel that you have wronged others.
Relax man, most young men at some time or another obsess over a girl and go to great lengths in order to win her back. This is typical if she finds you clingy. I've been dumped for being clingy, and in all likelihood if you were what you fear you are then you would seem the opposite of clingy to this girl.
Just take a deep breath and reassure yourself that you're ok. You're obsessing, and that can be a symptom of an anxiety disorder, nothing more.