I am constantly diagnosing / pathologizing / looking beneath the operations of my mind
Which "self" is a construct, and which one is really existing?
I feel like I'm living a LIE
know that I have a hard time liking people. I have a hard time caring for people.
used to be so very social, outgoing, interesting, alive...don't know how to get through any day
I'm scared that people know I'm weird
I cry randomly
i care "too much"...
Seriously, this sounded ALOT like my own descriptions of myself. Especially "people knowing I'm weird..." I feel like there's just something about me that people don't like, like how some doctors say people feel uneasy around psychopaths- a defense mechanism (I'm not a sociopath, but there's been times that I've worried I was, as I have exhibited some behaviours).
I'm a borderline personality. It sucks. I overanalyze the hell out of everything, to an extent that I can't make a judgement b/c I don't trust mine. May want to have it looked at.
Also, I was diagnosed as bipolar, although that's now disputed by docs (they think it was b/c I reacted bad to Zoloft as a teen, it's when the behaviour happened).
On a possibly unrelated note, do you have thyroid issues? I have Hashimoto's thyroidism, and when I was last able to go to a doc, they mentioned it could actually be the cause of my problems (weird, I know, I don't honestly understand how that works).