I remember one time when me and my cousin were experimenting sexually he asked me if i thought what we were doing was "kinda gay". I shrugged it off with an "idk" (or something similar) and we continued fondling each others genitals with our hands. A few seconds later he asked if i wanted to do something else besides the sexual experimentation we were partaking in because he didn't want to and I said "cmon just ten more seconds" and we continued. a couple seconds later he said "i really don't wanna do this anymore" and at that point I said "ok" and we stopped.
I remember another time during our sexual experimentation where I didn't want to do it anymore and he said "cmon please" and then I said "no" so we did something else.
I feel like during the first example I gave I was pressuring him for a little but when he told me he "really didn't wanna do it anymore" i respected his wishes but i still feel like i did something horribly wrong. This was after we had sexually experimented with each other many times before.
Would this be considered mutual? IT seems like these situations just occured when our levels of sexual desire didn't match up with each others and neither times did it seem like we weren't seeing eye to eye on the situation. I feel like some sort of fucked up molester or something even though these situations occured after we had experimented with each other mutually many times before.
I feel like I need to have a second opinion on this before I can stop obsessing about the whole thing and focus on the present.
You don't get it. Even if it wasn't mutual it is still experimentation and not molestation. But it is experimentation of one child on an perhaps unwilling other child. Still not abuse pro form. That would be Dr. Robert's view and that is what he wrote so many times.
But.. You can also find tons of people that will say to you it was indeed abuse, assault, molestation, rape. Because there was any sex play involved. Because sex play pro form is not normal child behavior by their standards. And the even bigger issue would be the age difference. IT ALL DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR, OR EVEN BETTER WHAT YOU ARE PREPARED TO TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION!!! You will never get a universal answer, cause there is always two different opinions on it. Since you know what kind of opinion takes place here u can't say you expected to hear that someone will call you an abuser here. You wanted comfort.
IF YOU WANT TO BE CALLED AN ABUSER, post a story on another forum. I can give you few sites on which 99% of the people will tell you, you should report yourself to the police. Where mothers write and ask how can they make their children stop touching themselves or if they caught a 6year old in a sex play should they call the police? IS THIS KIND OF PEOPLE YOU WANT TO TAKE OPINIONS FROM. There will always be people that will consider you devil's son. And those that will say, you were young and exploring. YOU CHOOSE WHICH SIDE TO TURN TO. Dr. Robert won't make that choice for you.
If you have time and interest I recommend you read this book, I already recommended to another girl..
Simona Vinci - What we don't know about children.
Then you will see what real abuse is all about.
Best to you..
Fine post, BT. Sage and deep advice.
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