Prodding is much better than simply asking something. You get a honest answer to a question the other person didn't even know you asked. Anyway, i suggest you seek a psychiatrist for professional help. I'm not sure if it's just adrenaline or something deeper in you that makes you feel that way. Many get very excited by violence and the prospect of violence so you're not some crazy monster that needs to be put down but still, you should see a real doctor, face to face, to get help in your problem. Yours is an isssue that cannot be solved with an exchange like this.

I didn't mean to imply that weapons are bad, just the logic of condemning violence by your fathers part while having many weapons in the house that have been designed to kill stuff. Don't take it too deeply, it just seems hypocritical.

I don't think you are a monster but then again, i'm not "normal" either.