I am not going to judge here. It is about being in touch with what you are experiencing...and avoiding the inevitable "protective" mechanisms that you or I would naturally use.
Text me now...if you can.
Real time communication would be delightful. Try it. Reach me on yahoo please
Hexi said: (no I don't always use those boxes)
I keep responding to him because there is nothing else to post about on the forum. Honestly, this is fun and games for me atleast, maybe Toby is angry because he has commitments and duties and he hates me for not having such things to hinder my life. He cannot stand other people not being miserable in a marriage they hate and with children they loathe.
What if Toby isn't angry...what if he is like you and this is a bit of a game to him too? What if rather than working on his weaknesses, he finds it easier to relate to what he sees in you? What if the two of you are the same in that respect?
Consider, that he uses the same harshness as you. In his case, he states that he does it to get to you...maybe this is his reasoning as some individuals think that yelling at someone gets to the heart of the matter easier. Maybe that technique doesn't work with you.
If it doesn't, and lets say that Toby really does want to get something across that he is failing to get to you...what would be the best method to do this...assuming that he is not just angry that he is stuck in a useless marriage w/kids that he doesn't want...and is forced to work when in fact he rather would not (as would most I would think)
If this is just a game out of boredom...then what would make the boredom go away?
Could we not postulate (yes, this is a tangent) that maybe this feeling of boredom is a chemical process that can be overcome similar to the feeling of depression, or anger....
come on now...talk...humor me...:-O
I love you guys:-)
If you really understood what i say, you wouldn't make yourself look like you can't even read.
Can't we all sit down to a nice meal of lutefisk?
And why exactly do I not get a reply?
I have not have the time to get to know you yet...you definitively have a cynical humor that is refreshing as well as a nature that must seek to help others for some reason. Can you tell me a bit about you? Something that would help me understand the conversations that I am seeing unfold.
I do not appear to have the same issues as some on this forum, but I do have this deep need I guess to know and appreciate people like yourself.
Will you talk to me some?
Because you don't adress the things i reply to your posts and just move on to another thing to make assumptions out of.
That picture can't be mr simply because i have long hair, bit over my shoulders so i assumed it was you. :)
This is what you don't seem to graps. I am a parasite. I am a vicious asshole but the difference is that i'm fine with myself. I have no regrets about my actions, i feel no shame about it.
I seem to remember you saying you have 2 kids and a wife or was that a lie? What you said about your family made me smile, that's the kind of a person i am and you know what? I'm fine with it. It was a normal reaction for me.
If I say I have two kids and a wife...will you talk with me??? I am hanging out on this internet when I could be doing a hell of alot acmore boring things...waiting for you to chat with me. WOULD YOU PLEASE.
I promise to give you lots of things that you can give me a hard time about. I promise that I will misunderstand you...draw horrible pics...make fun of your hair...and suggest taco bell and cigarettes. .
Humor me. I need some fun too. Ya know, I do have my sociopath playing Starcraft not 20 feet from me...just give me something dammit.
Well, what do you want to talk about? I can't just conjure up interesting conversations for you! :)
well please get on yahoo...I just got this fabulous text from some porn site I would guess...and I tried to pretend it was you...and all I got was a smiley....
I have lots of time...and I will provide drinks..
yahoo ID: jodygrissom
easy enough...please don't sell it though.
If you are in fact locked up in your house...just passing time like an internet addict...then how do you conjure up interesting conversations?
Do you game?
Do you hack?
Do you just chat back and forth with Toby for kicks?
I mean, my humor and fun comes from conversation..once you get me started I can play with you...
My brain is stunted right now...so just throw something out...I will play. Otherwise, I am forced to just read research papers, or listen to (Corey) my sociopath cuss as he is trying to win on his Starcraft match.
OR RSVP these damn porn site hackers...
For some strange reason, I actually think of you in conversations with friends. Not that there are so many that I would mention you to but there is one friend that seems to understand my urge to befriend you. He even asks about you daily now. (no, not adopted son, as he has absolutely no interest in you and thinks that in fact you are just some gaming teenager on 4chan that is faking you). Corey did say that you can't be so smart as everyone in Europe speaks 4 languages and that it doesn't distinguish you at all. But hey, who am I to try to sell you to him?
Lets see...what to talk about...as I WAIT....
Well, do you get lonely? I don't know you as a person yet...so I just get a jist of you from your posts...talk to me.
I did email you btw.
it takes you forever to reply. at tacobell w corey atm. he says that english has to be your first language. ...as he games w euros. not that i will continue to text for him. i will be back in a few. get online...make my hair not turn gray
No, i'm Finnish haha. My English is rather poor even so i don't know where he got that impression from. Yeah, it takes awhile as i'm watching movies and hop on here every now and then. (It's 3:27am here at the moment so i really have nothing else to do hehe.)
I was rank 1 on bronze league but i haven't played in 2 weeks or so. Maybe i need to rank up then. :P Gimme some time haha.
Reply from Corey: means experienced bad player...
Reply to me from Corey: get off the internet..danger zone.
Tell him i jumped directly into the 5 placement matches before playing the game at all and, shockinly, lost miserably. :)
Thank you Hexi.
You are the best:-)
Hey. I need ya today...can you be around in like 4 hours?
Well, I am back now...you can pry your eyes off the movies and chat if you would like...
you are putting me to sleep with the slow replies, and it is EARLY here. 840p
You are formally invited to dinner Toby.
In your mind, i take offense to everything you say, which isn't true by the way. Like i said already, this is fun for me.
So having a long hair equates to being a bum and a sex offender. Ok, go say that to a biker or something. Oh, thats right, you never would because you're a COWARD.
Must be nice to have an alleged "imposter". Atleast i have the balls to stand behind what i say where as you're just a cowardly troll.
How does me finding the misery of others fun prove anything yous spout? That's like me saying that because your name is Toby, you have a small penis and no teeth. Goddamn your retardation really has no bounds, does it?
Oh i know! Half the things i've said was by an IMPOSTER! HONEST! Lol... fuck off, i'm done with you.
Can we focus on the purpose of this forum versus raging and defaming?
All of the vistors here, deserve polite comments, not accusations of homosexuality, or otherwise.
I do not understand the purpose of these attacks. It doesn't help anyone to harassed or put down in the name of "helping someone".
Leave each other be. If there is humor and fun, so be it. But let the meanness go...find someone to harass in real life and leave this virtual world in peace.
It isn't yours, it is Dr. Robert's.
Hexi is matching you.
I have to agree that most of the time, I agree with you comments. Most of the time, your frankness is amazing. BUT you are playing his game and I know that he likes it...but you can't change a person by playing his game. I believe you might have alluded to this before w/my sociopathic question.
He is being honest with you. He doesn't mind your games at all. And it is just festive fun for him and maybe you. BUT for those that don't know this..it is harsh and alienating. I am one person who does understand, as I live it.
There are better ways to skin a cat and chop it up!
People don't change. Unless they want too. And you can not make him feel what he does not. He is aware of his weaknesses I am sure. He also knows his strengthes. From many hours of trying I know that the best you can hope to do is provide motivation to get someone to do the right things by his own inner spirits. We all look for fun. Hexi provides clear, logical opinions that in my mind indicate that he chooses to be a better person than he has to be by nature. If he indicates that he could do something in even the crudest terms, he is just playing with words to entertain you or himself.
There is so much more to a person than just a conscience. Afterall, do not normal people with a conscience hurt people all the time. I have been sideswiped on the highway and no one stops. People steal for a thrill. People date rape all the time. There are people w/consciences and without personality disorders that do the lowest of things...therefore, I would ask for you to consider that maybe a conscience may not be necessary to hold the mind and body in check.
Violence begets violence. And sociopathic responses, particularly in the virtual world, beget sociopathic responses, whether genuine or faked.
Why not talk in real words? You don't have to be one kind sucker of a soul like me to believe that goodness exists in all. There are animals that take in the offspring of other species. And there are humans that may not do the evil thing just for pleasure. Now it is hard to know when a person will crack...that is where good judgement is necessary...
But I assure you, that badgering someone and tempting them with daggarlike words is not the way to motivate anyone. Afterall, do you remember WANTING to clean your room when your mother made you????? Don't be his mother. Be his friend. You two have known each other for a long time now, both of you give good responses to others dilemmas. And from all that I have seen, both of you can be NICE people if you want too.
Choose to be on the same side. There is strength in numbers. And I for one, like Hexi...whether he chooses to work or not, whether he is a nice person all the time or not. I seriously doubt he is in the mood to be a serial killer or a sexual predator. And if he does really want to pursue that occupation, then the best chance you can give him is to recognize him for the person he is and treat him like a respectable human being. If he was so awful, he probably would be in a penitentary by now...so make peace. Smile. And just help each other.
I know I am one chump who wants the world to be a better place. But I am not naive to what the world is really like. It is each small act of kindness that we bestow on others that can change the world at times.
I have been lucky enough to see that. And yes I get burned sometimes. But sometimes I don't...and it is in those moments that I get satisfaction. And if you really want to help someone, then practice listening here. I like you. And I like him. Now put down your swords or choose to fight the same beast.
Jodartha- your buddy.
Toby you said:
For instance, you're convincing yourself that I don't know you or base my assumptions on something I misunderstand, whereas the truth which you refuse to acknowledge is that you're a complete weirdo fuck-up who is dependent on everyone but himself. I think you know it deep down yourself. But don't worry, you're not alone. There are many other weirdos you can connect with.
Is it possible that you are using some transference here? Please forgive me for butting in this conversation but given this is a forum and discussion is open to everyone, I would like to ask why you would say such things to someone you openly admit that you know. I have read many of your posts as well as Hexi's and although I haven't read all of them (because there are many), I have yet to determine that any of you are such awful individuals at this moment. Now of course, I am being feeling and not so objective, I know, but...I am left thinking that perhaps, there is some sort of a comraderie going here too. There maybe some strange nerdyness or lack of sociallife, or perhaps perversions in certain peoples' minds but there is a wholesomeness and honesty here too. Is it not possible that this is a form of self therapy?
Why not be nice or at least tolerant? Is it more enjoyable to tease and torture? Or maybe the game of jabbing each other is satisfying?
Think about what I am saying. I know I am illiciting a nasty response from you. I don't mean to irk you. BUT I like your comments as a whole as I do Hexi's... and these comments just undermine something that is GOOD as a whole. (at least from my standpoint and perhaps Dr. Roberts)
Besides everything else I mentioned below, might I suggest one thing that made a huge difference for me once when I just wouldn't let something go (as you appear unable to do).
I don't formally believe in God, but I did once decide to forgive myself formally. I did it in public (around several hundred people). For years I felt really bad about leaving a marriage. REALLY Bad. I just couldn't let it go, and I felt that I had ruined my chances for a good life. But I forgave myself. And let it go.
And you know what. It worked. I let a burden off my back, and it gave me the energy to look forward. Just consider it. Do whatever you need to do to let yourself look forward, instead of just looking backward.
Hope that helps a bit.
Languages? I can speak 4. :P Martial arts? Not my thing, I used to be a breakdancer though. I'm not burdened by my actions, it's one of the perks of being a sociopath. I have no regrets in my life at all. Even though i've made some bad choices, i don't wallow over them. Also, i'm not apathetic towards life, i just don't really know where to begin.
As an aside, i enjoy fishing. I do it alot at my parents summer house and yes, i'm 25 so i can drink. :)
There was one other thing that I thought might pique your interest. Not sure, but hey as long as I am just writing about me, I want to make a suggestion.
Sometimes people are not interesting. Frankly many are downright boring. And I consider myself a people person:-) They desire things that mean nothing to me, and often they feel justified in treating others in a one up fashion (better car, talk about what they own, stuff as meaningless as baby strollers) and I left thinking why bother getting to know people that are so unlike me...and then I remember what makes life valuable to me. It is my ability to love and care.
Before you jump into thinking that feeling something like that is inferior, place your mind in the perspective that PERHAPS it is this humanness that gives meaning to living at times. It is not often, but rarely, I have found that seeking to understand and relate to another particularly on the level of love, that I am able to gain satisfaction and even a oneness with others. It is not like it happens every day, or even every year, but when it does, the joy that I obtain is worth any moment that I have won.
Now I am a friendly sort, at least it would appear that way on this forum, but in real life, I am quite to myself about what matters to me. And most of the time, I sense that no one understands what motivates me. Maybe I am unique, or abnormal (refering to a previous discussion on what is normal) but I prefer to think that it is this able to communication and meet minds that gives me the most satisfaction. I have known others, that gain that feeling from winning an argument, but to put oneself in a one up position fails to lift the soul (even if you think that sociopaths may not have one) to a level of peacefulness.
Maybe, it is this oneness of all humanity or the ability to relate to another that bring satisfaction. The definition of human is: adj
1. of, characterizing, or relating to man and mankind human nature
2. consisting of people the human race a human chain
3. having the attributes of man as opposed to animals, divine beings, or machines human failings.
Is it not possible that all humans (no matter if they are labeled as ill or void of some personality traits common in others)have commonalities that bring satisfaction and completeness?
I am not sure about all of this, I just postulate. It is this conversation at this moment, that bring the most meaning to my day. It is this attempt to relate that satisfies my mind. Therefore, I believe that it could be this moment is when I am really living.
It is just a thought. Leave a way that you can be reached Hexi. Thx.
Very insightful, if i was an angry and confused teen, which i am not. In the last couple of days, i've gotten in touch with some old friends and started to go out, it's been refreshing. I wish people really would post new threads and participated more, it's been quite dead here. Oh well.
I don't see how this applies particularly to an angry or confused teen...I am not one. It was just an observation that has worked for me.
Getting out is good. I did today, even with a long day at work to come. Given I do not exist in a socialist country, work is necessary for what I need. Can you be reached?
Well i used to work, i have a degree in electric engineering but it's such boring work :P I'm not a materialistic person and living in a 1 bedroom apartpent is enough for me heh so i don't really have any incentive to work. No loans or family to feed :)