Hello, i don't really know where to start this is the first time i go on a forum.. but i've been reading post all day here and have been feeling connected to some of the discussions. It's been approximately a year or so, where i don't know what's going on in my mind. I don't know what i want, what i want to do, i never seem to enjoy anything, ever, or i force myself to.. and i havent had fun, real fun or havent laughed in more than a year.
ive been preparing a long trip to clear my mind, but im afraid that it might not. And i cant think straight.. i change my mind every hour on anything. I can wake up and feel so so anrgy that i have to scream or pull my hair out to calm down (i was never like this before... i was allways smiling, and enjoyed just a butterfly passing by)..
Right now i just changed my mind and think its ridiculous that i'm posting this because im probably doing fine. And i'm just paranoid.
But i dont think so..
I really ahve issues expressing myself, i went to see a psychologist but i didnt feel comfortable with the guy so i stoped. I feel completly disconnected to the people here (paris) (who are honestly inhuman, mean and dont give a S*** about anyone else but themselves and money) (its better as a tourist)
I try to avoid long discussions with collegues because i really dont have the impression i live in the same world.. I just don't know and thought maybe someone could give me advice. thank you.