I thanked you for taking the time to respond to my posts in an attempt to get you to give me feedback and answers, so thanks again.
To answers some of your questions after giving them some thought, I do find it difficult coming up with concrete answers - being a double gemini doesn't help. I can be very charming and use humor to get people to like me because it boosts my self-esteem momentarily and that makes me feel good - I like the positive feedback from others and bask in their compliments. I try to get people closer to me by being nice, but if they don't give me compliments and positive feedback, then I cut them loose. I like to talk about myself most of the time and when others share things about themselves, I'm mostly bored and detached. I usually only like to observe the unspoken language in others and draw my own conclusions because I think what most people say is bullshit anyway. i believe they think like I do and are either telling lies or are unaware of their true motives.
You're right, I am not happy with the consequences of my behavior - I want to continue to stalk this person, but do not want to go to prison for five years this time. I do try to change my behaviors and abide by the rules, but become bored with the monotony of it all. I do sometimes feel better when I help someone else - that is what AA teaches and have been there too. There is a part of me who wants to be a better person, but the deceitful side usually wins out. I become weary of trying to suppress it.
I didn't want to hurt the psychologist before she ended the relationship, but I was growing angrier with her because she was not giving me what I wanted and I would double my attempts to get her to love me and get my way with her. I didn't want her to have anybody in her life but me and was jealous most of the time. If anything positive was happening in her life, I'd tell her I was happy for her, but I secretly wanted her to fail. I did want feelings of love and approval from her and her opinion of me mattered more than most - if that means I couldn't be a socio/psycopath, then here is my answer. i am very curious about my diagnoses and they have been quite a challenge for me to try to figure out. I think I am very detached emotionally and maybe I continue to seek answers in order to remain detached. Most people say I have a look of emotional detachment.
Who knows... maybe I just have really low self-esteem (but hide it well in front of others) and if I am able to improve that by doing the "right" thing, I will be a happier person and treat others accordingly.