hi,i just found this forum today but i have been looking into this topic for quite a while now, I think i am asking these questions more out of curiosity than anything, but I also care deeply for this person im dating.(And i only say we are dating because he has told my brother that he does not think of me as a girl friend when he was asked.)
I see this guy about 3 times a week, he is a fairly quiet guy and over the past few months i have been getting to know him a little better. So far his view on life in general, love and himself honestly has me scared sh*tless!
i first started to notice signs around the first 2 weeks, he had obvious interest in me, yet he was unable to talk about it- or so i thought, we would only talk about things he liked, such as guitars, women and cars etc. then we would just jump into the sex part, i thought perhaps this was like a prolonged one night stand but because im shy and he was attractive and we could talk about stuff i decided to see how far it might go.
I have known him for a couple of months now, he still does not talk about his feelings, he claims he has NONE and cant understand why others might, marriage and children are simply an inconvenience and the idea that other people he knows are doing that sickens him, he believes that it ruins one's life and fun rather then enriching it.
When another person suffers he finds it amusing, although animal cruelty sickens him(because only once an animal is dead will he start beating the carcass with a stick and so forth) he wont hurt a live animal.
he was telling me about his ex gf that he had dated for over 2 years and when i asked him of his experiences with her he claimed that she used to speak of her own feelings a lot and cry to him a lot and that he was only pretending to care for her, he had apparently never loved her.
Perhaps I am the sick one for continuing any sort of relationship with this guy,but i still care for him, if he truly is a sociopath then i don't know what to do, so far though he doesn't seem harmful, just selfish.
pls give me your thoughts regarding this cos im very interested
thamx for taking the time to read all that:)
Well... if he isn't violent or abusive and you don't mind that he doesn't care about you, not really, or that he might just up and leave once he gets bored then i don't see the problem. It's up to you really. Not all sociopaths are "bad" people. Just don't expect to "fix" him or anything silly like that. :)
If I may, I will pitch in with my own advice.
Avoid becoming codependant. Think twice about what you are doing. Search a psychologist or psychiatrist to help you. If the therapist says it is safe, try to open the possibility that something might be wrong with your "colorful friend" directly to him and see if he is willing to seek help.
I agree with the previous post in one thing: you will not be able to change him or mold him to what you desire. The problem is, although you came in the guise of curiosity, you seem to want a relationship with him while fearing he doesn't have the full set of charecteristics you truly feel you need.
I don't have access to enough sources of legitimate information about sociopathy to be able to give you my opinion of whether or not he is a sociopath because he seems a bit different than what have read about sociopaths, although he is too close to the definition for comfort. Another reason is that I don't know if what you said is the complete description of what happened. The main reason of all is that is something very serious that could endanger you and have serious consequences for both: even with the right sources, it takes years of study and experience to be proficient in such sensitive diagnostics.
Please, talk to someone who is experient in that area. You have two (or three, depending on what you think of my contribution) different opinions on the matter, but this is only a bandaid and you shouldn't feel secure with this knowledge...
Adam, what you read about sociopaths is very, very biased and based almost solely on prison populations. It's not as simple as that. Sociopaths are not defined by their lack of emotions or concern, they are defined by their personality, it just lacks emotional concern for others but in no way does that mean that a sociopath would automatically be violent or abusive. Some, like myself, don't "hunt for the next victim" as some would claim to be the mo. I do get the urge to just cut a persons throat, cut the body into pieces and dump the parts into the ocean, wrapped around in chains so the bags wont float but i don't. I get my rush from other things in life because i know it's a momentary rush to hurt someone and it leads to a longer path of violence and eventually, i would slip, or snap.
thank you for that i will keep that in mind:) i would probably say the worst thing about him is he can be sweet one minute and then dead cold to me the next. Saying things such as 'Oh i hate talking to women' then looking at me and saying 'Oh sorry louise'
And emotions are only for women and gay men which kinda hurts. And he feels content in the knowledge that he has no emotion saying 'I like it better that way, cos even if i don't feel happiness like others i don't get particularly angry either'.
I told him i thought he was a sociopath, he was didn't seem surprised he merely gave an example of someone he thought was worse of then him. It didn't bother him at all.
and by sweet things i mean he picks me up from work sometimes, and wants to be around me quite a bit, has no problems sleeping beside me and cuddling up, but aside from that he is back to the same cold person he was before.
but thank you for that, i do always seem to pick those that i need to fix only this time i thought he was just an average guy with his head screwed on properly.
with that in mind thanx Hexi for your point of view also, because while i get the idea he has no feelings for me, it is the need for attention or company that he may want and perhaps at least i can offer him that for now. I don't really think he is particularly sick or anything or even needs help he's quite happy doing his thing but im more concerned that that im gonna end up with some ridiculous hope that he may actually like me one day, so i figured it's best to ask some people who might look at the situation differently.
and if i could say that he likes anything about me at all it's probably because i let him be himself, and talk about things he likes such as pics of dead bodies and stuff. And listen to him play guitar all day without winging at him. And at the least i don't talk about my feelings with him cos to me it seems pointless until one day he comes out with them.
A lot of people don't want kids, use women for sex and have little if any emotion. Doesn't mean he's a sociopath.