According to a few books I've been reading.. my mind is more unconsciously structured than your mind. Did you know that the unconscious mind processes all emotions before the conscious mind is able to even receive the emotion? This causes you to do things like suppress memories ect. It's a survival technique the unconscious mind uses to maintain the integrity of the conscious mind.

But my mind is different. My mind suffered a sustained and saturated emotional trauma. Trauma that was so great that it emotionally shut me down. My unconscious mind, in an effort to protect the conscious mind shutdown my emotions... and because the trauma continued through my mental development and did not stop till several years later.. this is my permanent programming.

But better than that.. I speculate that in many manners my conscious mind died and my unconscious mind now assumes more duties over my aware world. I do not process emotions as you do. 90% of that emotional processing.. is gone. Giving me tremendous clarity of thought that is seldom distorted. Sure I "act" emotional but that is part of my "appear as mentally unstable as these freaks" mode. If I don't act every now and then people will figure me out before they get to know me and may run away. Nah, I'm just kidding. Humans are stupid and too arrogant to figure things out as long as you feed them the right stimuli. Most of them are insects but not all.

I believe this gives me the ability to better understand my unconscious mind and for fill it's desires more accurately. Which, in turn, allows me to live in a harmony with myself that few of you will ever experience. I love myself. When I could not stand my unconscious carried me. I am never alone. Always I have some part of me that's only concern is my well being. Something greater than me that is a part of me.

My super ego... created by the unconscious mind. A feeling inside that just lets me know that I'm doing okay. That even though things can always be better.. I'm feeling okay with my world.

But the unconscious dramatically changed me. I felt it when it finally took over. When it removed all my fears and replaced my hurt and suffering with rage and fire. So much of me died but only to give birth to so much more. Even now I cannot look back and feel an ounce of regret. Because as you all fall around me.. I will never fall. I am an island and all bridges I create can be destroyed. I do not need others to fuel my ego for it is fueled from within.

But in many ways I believe my mind is more organized like that of the unconscious. The unconscious mind only thinks in the now. It does not think in the future or past and only draws memories as points of reference for the conscious mind. Just as psychopaths lack the ability to "think ahead" as their minds are set in a state of now. There are other examples.

But to me there is a greater meaning. To know I am closer to who I really am unconsciously.. pleases me. I am one with myself. A great, personal, achievement.

"Do you remember love."

I think this is very interesting, but what, exactly, do you mean by "consious" and "unconsious"? Could you possibly name a book or two from your reading list, so I could read the synopsis? To me, unconcious is our state when we are asleep, processing without realization. The way you describe it, unconcious is a higher state of mind which acts as a reflex, which may be the case, but so that we are on even ground in the discussion, define the two in a conversational manner ( i am a lil slow on the uptake). Is that the state that people try to achieve when meditating?

I mean, you make consious decisions about performing your everyday tasks. You are consious of being unconsious, are you not? Forgive me if I misunderstand, but I always believed that true "unconciousness" is not possible as a state of being. I felt that one can be consious, but more aware of "inner self"; however, to me unconciousness has a little bit of a different meaning.

So, the question is, is this "unconsious state" just a new and improved you who is better prepared for the unexpected, or is this really a totaly different state of being?

Well nothing is written in stone but I base my knowledge off of a few books. The easiest to read is "The dream Workbook" by Robert Langs MD.

..I just found a cheesy website with some examples of the difference between conscious and unconscious thought. It's hard to explain them in detail but seeing comparisons between the two should help you understand the differences.

http://www.ayrmetes.com/articles/conscious_and_unconscious.htm

Some people get unnerved when they realize how little the conscious actually controls. That is their egos fighting in denial. Try to look past that when you read the book. Try to think of it this way. There is another part of you that you can't access but it cares about you more than anything in the world and it will never abandon you. When you fall and don't know how you got through that week.. it was your unconscious that carried you.

Strangely enough, that website was surprizingly liberating lol

So, that is the state people try to reach through meditation. Hmm, so you are saying that you mostly feel, not think ( and in our perception, thinking IS feeling, so it is like you are rid of emotion, but not exactly).

Well, initially you asked our thoughts about it, and to me, it seems like unconsiousness is a good place to be, but for a vacation. According to you, it becomes a very comfortable lifestyle, but in a way, overanalyzation and consideration, and not knowing what to do can add spice to life. I guess you can judge better, considering you've experienced both.

I will try and find that book in the nearest library tomorrow.

Well... when I have more information I can be more precise with my thoughts but for now there are holes in the logic that need to be filled. Otherwise it'll start looking like a fictional story and I'll have to add a burning bush. but Thank you!