So when we give in to our natural desires... are we embracing what we are more than who we are?
My life is very stressful right now and I have this terrible temptation over me that I am trying to resist. Because I live in chaos.. I don't get to relax much and lately it's more than I can bare.
My hypertension is.. well killing me. My left kidney hurts again. I feel powerless to officially reach out for help. It really just isn't my nature to ask for help in a manner that would make me feel weak. It's confusing.. I've been up for 30 hours. So in my moments between winds my mind goes numb.. rather soothing.
Anyway.. my point is this. I can temporarily resolve this hypertension.. at least I believe I can. The resolution is simple. Go out, find someone I believe deserves it, and punish them for existing.
Fighting.. always makes me feel better. No matter what is going on, you let me beat the crap out of someone, and I'll feel better.
I truely enjoy inflicting pain on the wicked. I have this terrible bloodlust for it. I lust the way it feels to truely inflict pain. It's the most natural experience or feeling. I get so high off of it.
But I don't want that to be my only option. There must be something else.
I feel like a wolf who only gets to eat tofu. It makes me feel ill...er. I feel like I'm being backed into a corner. My instincts let me know how I feel. My logic tells me why it is wrong. But my ego wont allow me to.. help myself.