First of all I understand no professionals are here so I know I won't get an official diagnosis of any sort. It has taken me a while to comtemplate what it is I have, but I think and feel towards self obsession. I'm late 20's just to let you know
I am envious all the time. Obsessed with my appearence and status. I destroyed all photos of myself because they aren't perfect enough. I want to create a portfolio of myself in the best designer clothes so I can admire myself. I need to do this soon because I fear aging.
I am not a sexual being, this is because I very sexuality as utterly repulsive and something a human would lower themselves to doing. I secretly view myself as far superior to any human, humans are beneath me, utterly pathetic and weak, full of pointless emotions that I despise. When I was in my teenage years my sexual urges towards females was very strong, at the time I thought about getting an operation to remove my testicals, because my sexual thoughts were disgusting and also I didn't want to go bald and know that testosterone does this. I despise humanity, I should only be having sexual urges about myself and yet I can't defeat the filth that plagues my mine. So every now and again I've had sex with prostitutes, that way nobody knows and everyone assumes I'm still a virgin, which is what I want them to think. People think it weird I've never had a girlfriend, but I just make out I'm shy. Nobody know the real truth, that realationships are pretty pointless to me because I can have sex with myself. I have a porn addiction also.
I admire myself through car windows and shop windows,my reflection is sublime.
I obsess over my body. It's quite skinny and that angers me. No steriods will ever make me a monster.
To be honest, my own physical body is repulsive, as is everybody elses. I cannot love something that has flesh,blood and organs and ages. I can only love my own aura, that brilliance inside me, that I so want to be. I don't care for being loved, I want to be admired and worshipped.
I fantasize about creating a bible in my own name. I fantasize about building my castle, with statues of myself with a gothic like appearence. This world is so messed up and dull. In my world the days sky would be violet, at night the moon would be red and it would rain blood. Gothic like buildings and statues with wolves, giant spiders and snakes as loyal pets.
Just like Lucifer was cast down into the depths of hell, I feel also like I'm a cast into this world of parasites and leeches.
This seems a bit more disturbed than mere narcissism. Have you ever thought about getting some professional help for your delusions and sexual denial?
What makes you think I'm delusional?
I've seem professionals before. Their conclusion was a personality disorder, what personality disorder I do not know.
I like the part where you don't like sex.
What kind of lie is that?! Superior everywhere but the bedroom?
You know that got me thinking actually. Do I dislike sex? Yes and no. I dislike when I'm emotionally void. During this time I'm focused on myself, my own dreams and accomplishments. Pornography during this time is my choice of sexual gratification.
When I hit a downward curve in my life, like a depression, emotions come into play, this is when I get sexual towards others. During this time I want sex but without the intimacy. I will go hypersexual and during this time my testosterone levels will rise. But I must stress I'm not Bi-polar, I'm aware I don't have that.
It is indeed a mystery.
Im DOES thinking that maybe you just DOSSENT relationship with MANY peoples too much and DIFFERENT people so maybe you not UNDERSTANDS them and that why you DOES dislikes them. have you TRYED praying to God? im DOESNT means you must does it im just say it maybe should be done because it probably DOES helps. and maybe you DOESNT have experienced world so much so you doesnt knows what LOSING does means and that why you does maybe think you is better and not can LOSES? some PEOPLES does says for example they could do this and they could do this too but they DOESNT do it and if they DID tryed then maybe they realize they NOT can always do it..
im DOES thinking that you did gived not honest opinion of you either because yours INTRODUCTION text was very BLACK AND WHITE and it did SOUNDED like you maybe WANTED be with that symptom? like you DID maybe exaggerates a bit or EXPLAIN simple things in MUCH BIGGER ways? im DOESNT says you did but it DID sounded like it.
Are you happy light bearer?
I look in the mirror a lot as well. Mimicing different expressions to maximize their effect on others. Also... I'm just beatiful. I can't help but play with it hair, workout, and tan. My friends always say I should be a bouncer but really being. Bartender sounds prime to me.
Sorry was my ego rambling off again? You should see this tan. But in no way am I repulsed by a nicely taken care of body. I enjoy the finer things in life. I can appriciate sexy.
You are an inferior individual and your ego knows it. How old are you? What mental evolution are you maturing through?
You need friends. Someone needs to balance you out.
To the person above. No I am not happy nor am I sad, just indifferent.
Let's make one thing clear. My reference to Lucifer was not on a delusional sense. I do not see myself as the devil incarnate walking around with an invisible pitchfork. It was merely an analogy, in regards to the character being discarded into the depths of hell for having too much pride.
I live in my own hell for much the same reason in terms of pride, but what can I do? Do I have to fake inferiority? In other words do I have to pretend to want what the average person wants?
The things that appeal to most do not appeal to me. I simply wants loads of money and sexual encounters without affection. I also just want time to focus on my looks, because it really is big worry that this body will never be young forever.
Um… Yeah… Alrighty then. I think 666 was right. You sound delusional to me. Good luck with that.
Yes. That IS what I mean by delusional.
Yes, I think you yourself know you are quite narcissistic. I've read and studied about narcissistic individuals before, but I've honestly never come across one to your degree.
You are, to say the least, fascinating.
So when you do grow old, because everyone eventually does... what then? What will be the purpose of your life? Just look at your studio portfolio pictures until you wilt in a nursing home?
Also, I think you are also suffering from what professionals call delusions of grandeur. Or maybe I shouldn't use the word 'suffer' because you seem to enjoy thinking you are better than everyone else. And yes, sounds like you may have a personality disorder. Does that bother you at all?
Okay, maybe it's time for me to come clean. Basically everything in this thread was a pack of lies. There is a few reasons for this so bear with me people. The main reason was boredom, that's the truth.That's not all, I was trying to experiment with an arrogant persona, and that's easier to do behind a computer then in person. I understand arrogance and self-love are the keys to self- destruction, best to be humble in life but I wanted to see anyway.
I decided to read up on Narcissistic personality disorder, then implement the symptoms onto myself (and I'm surprised nobody caught onto this apart from person). It was to see how easy people can be taken in to give wrong diagnosis over the internet, it happens a lot, not just on this site. People should never diagnose themselves with anything, if you're in distress see somebody.
I don't have Narcissistic personality disorder, I'm a nice person, but I wanted to see how influenced people can be by simple words. It seemed to work because I got a lot of responses, when I knew the thread was drying up I admitted it was for attention, this was to create more responses, even if they were abusive.
For me, this thread was a psychological experiment and it did work. But I'm not proud of it, It's just words on a computer screen. I hope nobody takes offence.
It was kind of obvious hen you got hyperbolic with the bible in your name and the rain od bloo etc lol. Had it not been for that paragraph, pretty convincing!
I do think you need to find somethign else to do with your time though then making up stories on a ask the therapist forum!