Whitewolf does have a point, good sex is important, and judging from your letter you will not be able to make a go of it with this guy no matter how fond you are of him. If you think his penis is too small now, just wait a few years when you are horny, dreaming of sexual excitement and you meet a guy with a real bulge in his pants.
But don't take Whitewolf as gospel either. Remember that he is a self-described psychopath which means that he probably cannot really understand some of your feelings for your BF. Remember, for the Wolf, it is all about power, never about affection.
I don't agree, Hexi. Yes, there are many relationships like that whose primary "glue" is the top dog/underdog drama to which you refer, but there are others which have a completely different dynamic.
You seem often to go to extreme generalizations which take your own p.o.v as a given and simply project it on to everything as if people were all the same, when we know perfectly well that everyone is different. Have you ever considered that your p.o.v might contain quite a bit of both ignorance and also pulling some wool over your own eyes? Or perhaps it just feels more confortable to imagine that in NOT loving you are only missing out on "la la land" anyway, and so nothing important really missed.
Just saying . . .
Uh, yes. It's called "giving your opinion from your own pov". What i've discussed here have been about things in general, not individual cases so ofcourse i'm generalizing, that's not really a revelation. I'm also fully aware that i'm missing the positive of emotions aswell as the negative. To think i'm that ignorant is insulting but i can only discuss love and such from an intellectual stand point, i've never felt such emotions in my life so ofcourse my view is critical and outright cynical.
Oh and every relationship i've had and seen others have, one is either in control or trying to get in control. When both strive for control, that's when the fighting and bickering starts. It's human nature to be in control of others and the drive for control is one of the most basic human behaviours. I didn't mean abusively in control, or physically, i meant mentally.
OK. Thanks for replying. I certainly did not mean to insult you. I simply meant that ALL of us are ignorant of a great deal in this life, so that when you say ALL, or EVERY relationship is one way or another, there are many about which you know nothing at all, and so the words all and every contain a lot of "not knowing" which what I call ignorance.
Now you have changed your initial statement to this:
"every relationship i've had and seen others have, one is either in control or trying to get in control," which is a lot better because at least now your generalization is limited to what you have SEEN instead of ALL or EVERY.
If you get that, please consider that what you see is already conditioned and influenced by what you already think, believe, and NEED to see in order to maintain your own self esteem. I do not mean this as an insult or a criticism at all because I think many if not most of us are like that. It is just that you seem unconscious and naive of that rather obvious fact.
In the present case, this young woman obviously feels great affection for her BF and is struggling with the sexual question. This kind of struggle is not necessarily as foolish as Whitewolf thinks it is. I am not saying that this relationship can stand the test of time, but who knows? There are millions of different kinds of relationships, and not all of them are about exploitation or power as Wolf and you want to believe. You have said what you have seen.OK. What I have seen is many different ways of finding companionship in life, and not all of them involve finding the best or biggest penis, or who is standing and who is kneeling. Some are about sharing and mutual regard and respect. If you have NEVER seen that kind of relationship, not ever, I consider that a case of probable blindness.
Young love isn't about power of control. It's about passion and the power of sexual stimulation. To make eachother feel alive in every breath. To share that flirt of wild new emotions. To stimulate them.
Her boyfriend ain't getting the job done. The end.
No, i'm not ignorant to the fact that perception is very much subjective and that my cynical nature only sees the bad in people and in their motives. Oh and enough with the apologetic, passive-agressive tone. Veiled insults are more annoying than direct ones because you're so horrible at it. There is nothing anyone here can say that would offend me lol. I will change my mind about people after i get to know them, if it's warranted, but untill i do, i treat everyone with suspicion and doubt. Blind faith in the good of humanity is the most idiotic thing you can do. Once you're left with nothing it's too late to cry how the world is cruel.
No problem, Hexi. I was just being civil, but if you see that as passive-aggressive, I'll cut to the chase in any further communications.
Is the world really that terrifying?
you remind me alot of my ex... the one that uses me for late night booty calls... this is how he looks at life as well.
i've had my share of serious relationships.. i've been in 2 that lasted over a year, and 1 that lasted 3. The only one that satisfied me sexually was the one that lasted 3... but the sex was the only thing about it that was at all healthy. so are you trying to tell me that the reason the 3 year one lasted longer is because we had good sex?? if so, then that's just awful.. i feel sick to my stomach. we fought constantly and now he only calls me for booty calls in the middle of the night.. so your basically saying that i have to choose between good sex or being happy? because i'm never going to find the "perfect" guy.. that satisfies me in everyway. i'm trying to look at this logically and there's positives and negatives about everyone and his only negative is that he doesn't measure up.. shouldn't i be happy that that's the only thing wrong with him? my last relationship was 3 years.. and was completely about control, we had great sex, but unless we were sleeping or having sex we fought constantly. that relationship probably took years off my life, and i feel as if the one im in right now is adding years to it. this is naive.. i need to look at the "bigger" things in life. he's a great guy, he makes me happy, i can be my complete self around him, i can look into his eyes for days and not say a word and not a thing about it would be awkward, the sound of his heartbeat puts me to sleep while my exes annoyed me so much i had to move, i can cry infront of him, i can laugh my usually laugh and not hold back at all,he encourages me and i encourage him, he's always there for me no matter what, i can never stay mad at him and he can't stay mad at me, when he touches me i feel so calm and happy.. even if he just touches my hand, when i'm with him i feel like i'm in a movie, i feel like it's impossible that i'm as happy and at peace as i am, i've never felt this about anyone before him, and i hope i never do with anyone else, he's so special to me. so i'll get over his one flaw, and i will marry him. and you're all invited. especially you wolf. thank you guys, you really made me realize how i feel about him :] i read your replies like "what *******s" ahaha. made me realize i never want to lose him.
Now let me get this straight, Katie. You are 17. You have had a variety of serious sexual relationships. One lasted three years, and two lasted over one year each. When did you start having these "serious" relationships, age 11?
lol, only the 3 year one was sexually serious. and yes.. before that i made a few mistakes when i was 14.. but the 1st year relationship wasn't sexual at all. and i'll be 18 in a month.. first one was 12 to 13(no sex), then 13 to 14(mistakenly lost it..), then 15 to about 5 months ago (we were in the high triple digits). so i've tested the waters just a little.. enough to know that those relationships didn't fail or flourish because of the sex.. :]
well, i may never quite have the relationship i want without good sex.. but nobody ever has quite the relationship they want.. even if there is good sex.. and like i've said the only thing about this relationship that is lacking is the size, the sex isn't really even that bad, everything else is perfect, by my standards, so since i'm not too crazy about sex anyway, we'll be alright. and i'm infertile and cannot have children.
Interesting. You have the arrogance to demand the perfect man, someone who will love you unconditionally and offer you great sex? What do you have that's so great about you? Apart from your desires for immediate sexual gratification, do you have anything you can offer anybody?
To these men you are merely an instrument for masturbation. Unless you are educated, unless you have talents, unless you have wealth, you are nothing to anybody. You can't even bring forth a life, which is what so many strive for. To many, having a child is some sort of achievement and you can't do that.
I only hope for your case you have something more worthwhile going on then just mindless sex.
I also hope you're using some form of contraception.
The realationship you're in is destined for failure. For one, penis size matters to you and in a few years children will matter to him. Can you see yourself living with this man until you're 80? Probably not.
The idiocy of youth.