Re: Extreme anxiety - unable to stop thinking - anxiety that i may be a sociopath.
I don't even know if i believe at what I'm seeing. Have you searched around the internet for people like you. The stories are all too similar. I too feel and think similar to you. The age group is always around 19 to early 20's. They've smoked weed and drank. My story started after 15 when i told myself to remember to save this video game. I guess i thought too hard about it and then started thinking "what if i never get this thought out of my head". Lets just say i was never the same again. I became afraid whenever someone told me to remember to do something. i was depressed for about 3 years. forgot all about it and was doing alright. i mean i dropped out of school from anxiety. never got a job. smoked weed til where my new problem happened. I had a panic attack while smoking and thought it was a heart attack yada yada yada. you know the story. this happened this past January. I started looking up on the internet all day everyday on how to stop it and started finding out interesting things about the mind and how it works. I found this one technique to stop the panic attacks from panicend.com. It said to actually want the anxiety and you will break the cycle of fear. i started practicing it and i thought it worked. i thought. the next day i started to keep practicing it while out and about and then just out of nowhere i started thinking well if fear is a learned behavior and i can use this step to eliminate it, couldn't i do the same thing to become a murderer or something. that made me really worried. I started researching more into it and found out that all emotions are learned behaviors. This kinda took my spice out of life. The this weird thing happened last tuesday where i started obsessively doubting things and doubting doubts. That made me very anxious and i started freaking out bad. Then i dont even know how to explain it but like the anxiety came from the thought i guess not from doubt but i dont know what exactly it is i fear. anyway i was so nervous i wanted to end my life and then i kept thinking everything was fake. i was so nauseated from the anxiety. everytime i wanted to kill my self i thought "what if my mom came in and saw my corpse and how devastated she would be" then id counteract with "but its just a learned behavior to love me and feel devastated when you see this" that made me even more sick. i was so confused. i had to convince myself that i was fearing that doubt or contradictory feeling and see it as false. But i never look at things the same. i see myself not conversing with people because i analyze why they speak like that or why everything about is of them. I see myself going down the same path as you. i guess in a way i feel connected to you. like we are thinking the same. i can only assume that when you were writing this you felt as though you still had something that you couldnt explain on your mind that you wanted to write but just couldnt. i would really like to hear back from you. and the anxiety i think we feel is we think we can never go back to way we use to think and be. we miss it but we cant go back. Thats why theres so much anxiety is from the apprehension of how we will be able to pretend to be in society knowing the things we do.