Alias,

I used the word sick deliberately to point out that the terms psychopath and sociopath refer to what most people consider a pathological way of being with other people. The pathology part is something I think people forget in their rush to diagnose themselves as psychopaths. And I am not suggesting that you are doing that Alias. Just the opposite in fact. You are not saying you are a sociopath, you are inquiring. It’s just that the desire by some to embrace this label boggles my mind, that’s all.

You speak of explanations… What would you do with an explanation for your past and present behavior? Do you think you would be happier, healthier, more effective at living a life you love… what? This is a real question. I’m not being facetious.

As for your question in the second paragraph, perhaps you want to meet your standards and have failed to do so. It is even possible that on some deep level you see yourself as “weak, fragile, and in many ways just plain disgusting”. It has been my observation that our opinion of others is connected to and very often reflects our opinion of ourselves. For instance, some psychopaths see others as out to hurt them, in part, because they are out to hurt others. I can see why you might think that other humans are weak, fragile and disgusting. But since you said you wanted a broader outlook, can you also see why I might think of humans as strong, adaptable and in many ways, just plain wonderful?

On another front, I am sure you have noticed that humanity just isn’t bothering to even attempt to meet your standards. Score one for reality and zero for you. Has holding on to beliefs about what other people should be and do helped you at all? If so, how?

You sure about that? I’m thinking that you would not have asked in the first place if this were true.



A broader outlook is not to be had by understanding yourself in isolation of other people and the rest of the universe. Just when you think you have a handle on yourself, you’ll notice, if you are being honest with the man in the mirror, that you don’t. Just when you think you have arrived, you’ll see that you haven’t, and the chase will begin again. You’ll be like a dog chasing his own tail. And that, by the way, is fine if that is how you want to live your life.

You bring up several good points (which is why I came onto this forum to begin with) and you are definitely aiding me in my goal to better understanding.

To answer your first question I want explanations simply because I do. I'm sure there are some deep seated causes for my desire to know so much about myself and others but I really couldn't elaborate much farther than saying I'm curious.I don't think it would make me happier because I'm content as I am now and it certainly wouldn't make me healthier because I am not ill, now as for more effective at living a life I love, maybe, I mean a carpenter should know what tools he has for the job, right?

As for your second point about my standards, it is true that I strive to meet the higher limits of my potential. I push myself physically and have educated myself in exercise science, anatomy, kinesology and hold a NASM certification just to make sure I am getting the most out of my workouts, I am also a life long student of the martial arts and have attained two black belts and on my way for a third and still I find that there is room for improvement. Mentally, I am naturally gifted but still try to stay stimulated and further my education. So with all the said could it be inferred that maybe I want a lot out of myself? Yes. That is also why I expect more from others but instead I constantly meet people who are easy to push and pull, perhaps because they have no motivation to push themselves.

As for your last paragraph, I am not attempting to understand myself in isolation in people (I'm here aren't I?) and I have a companion on this journey who I have much in common with and share a sort of symbiotic relationship with. I'm actually ok with being a dog chasing his tail because honestly I don't know what'd I do next if I actually caught it.

Wow Alias. I am glad that I could help you. You are helping me as well by giving me the opportunity to type these things out. I am speaking to myself as much as I am to you.

As you are obviously aware of, "Know Thyself" is a wise dictum, one that I live by as best I can. It makes sense that you'd want internal clarity. You could be very clear about what your personality traits and characteristics are without the overarching label of sociopath though, right? You could elucidate them and put your own unique interpretation on them, one that serves you and others. In my view, the personality traits, along with beliefs, drives, behavioral patterns and so on, are the tools while the label sociopath for instance would be the design or overall plan. You don't have a choice about the tools you have available to you, but you can choose how you wish to conceptualize what those traits add up to and what they mean to you and for your companion.

And may I say that your achievements are impressive! It sounds like you have been able to accomplish some amazing things. You must have tons of energy and boat loads of drive. I'd only ask what you are driving toward or away from. Where is all that drive taking you? Also, why would it matter if others are or are not meeting your expectations? Finally, to trot out an old cliché, you always find what you are looking for. Maybe it is easy to find people who are easy to push and pull precisely because you are regularly seeking that quality out in others on some level, which would say more about you and less about them. And that is fine if you say that works for you. I wouldn't find that outlook a key ingredient in the recipe for joy, but that's just me.

Touché. Then again, you can be surrounded by people and yet still feel isolated, especially when you are concerned about who other people should be or what they should do. I know when I do that the sense of alienation increases.



Congratulations! I wish you and your companion much love and happiness!



DING! DING! DING! What would you do without your search for yourself? Who would you be if you got to the end of the tail chasing and saw that you were not in fact better or worse than anyone else?

I don't think you have APD simply because of your desire to help others. I can't understand what is there to be gained by unselfish actions. Why would you care if others get stronger, unless you mean train them to be more useful to you. The way you describe your relationships also suggests that you do feel something for others but don't dwell on it, a logical reaction as there is nothing to be gained by wallowing.

A high intelligence means that you use your logic to understand things as opposed to emotions, you also realise how stupid the rules of society really are as there is no logical basis for so many things. "Social norms" are there to keep the stupid and weakminded cowards ashamed of being human. They also change based on the times so they have no basis on anything.

It's only natural to feel disgusted by weaklings, they are a waste of space, there to be used by others. Our whole society is psychopathic if you think about it. Do the corporations that run the world give a **** about workforce, if there were no consequences?

A good advice is to NEVER get diagnosed with APD. It accomplishes nothing and only labels you as a monster with no morals or conscience. (good luck feigning remorse if you ever do something that lands you in court) I don't even agree with the "disorder" part of it because a disorder suggests that there is a problem, there isn't. If you want psychological help because you think your actions hinder your life, seek it. Otherwise there is no point.

yeah. I know exactly what you're going through, Alias. You're not a sociopath.
You have OCD. Your worry that you're a socio is just another OCD worry. What it means is that you are about to come to the realization that a lot of the people you know have constantly failed to live up to your expectations. Hence, you hate them. But good people don't hate people, so you had to find a way to remove the affect from that particular conceit. (The one concerning the fact that so many people are weak sell-outs) So, instead of saying to yourself "people are ****ty, I hate them", you start worrying about whether or not you have APD (and the constant self-checking that goes along with it. I hated that part SO much.) and you say "I want to help these people".

You want to do something that makes you feel good. You claim to be intelligent. So write a book. Paint a picture, compose a song. Do something meaningful. Get into the zone. managing OCD is a really tough thing to do but realize that you are not entirely alone.