Yeah, I can feel emotions very intensively at times. It's like I can even taste some of them. And my emotions can be so strong, they affect the information from my stimuli. The colors of my world can become darker, lighter, "objects of say... orange-ish/reddish colors" become more noticeable, I can suddenly hear sudden types of sounds better. My body can drop in temperature and become icy cold when I'm shocked or stunned.
Sometimes, when I'm depressed, I can be unable to taste any types of food and everything tastes bitter/sour or simply, lacks any taste. When I'm happy, it's like I'm tripping out... oh so totally high.
And no, I don't always want to feel so strongly because I can drown in them and it really sucks. It's like I can feel the suffering, the pain, the depression of a thousand victims and it's like I'm alone, floating in the middle of a world of feelings and I'm bearing the weight of it all.
But then when I feel utterly empty, it's like there are 2 or more of me and 1 is an observer, always looking, always sensing and always watching. It's like my face makes all the expressions but I don't know what I'm doing or why. And I'm just acting out what a person of my age and stereotype should be doing.
And there are times when I can be both empathic and empty. Once, I was being suffocated to death. Part of me was screaming and clawing and stuff like that and also overcome with a huge storm of feelings. Fear, terror, horror, sadness, etc.
The other part? It was just going like "Oh this is what might happen when people get less oxygen in their lungs. Their body temperature drops, their vision starts to explode in a ton of bright lights and the world starts spinning. Their stimuli starts to shut down, they stop hearing most of the environmental sounds/noises, they're unable to see certain details and so on.
After a while, you even get to see the 'Tunnel of Bright Light' that some people have mentioned in near-death experiences."
It was kinda amazing, you know... part of me was just like taking notes and not feeling much, just playing the role of an emotionless observer. I suspect this state is just detachment, though. Who knows?
A bit more explanation into my thoughts actually:
The reason why I'm not that terrified or shocked (actually I'm more like "intrigued" as I'm always curious about the human mind.) about psychopaths/sociopaths is because of this:
I take a good, hard look at the world around us and I'm convinced that normal humans don't need psychopaths to destroy the world for them. We already are good at doing so and at destroying ourselves. There are so many abuse cases: sexual, physical, psychological, emotional, verbal, etc. And while people are out there pretending that they're pure and innocent and proud they're "democratic humans who embody the true principles of human rights", others are dying in places of war or if not, turned into humans incapable of feeling empathy or compassion("child soldiers" in Africa, concentration camps in North Korea, etc.).
We let people who are better at glamor and glitz than at solving problems, assume positions in the government. And these are people who lack understanding of "real history" (not "textbook history") because to be a good, capable leader doesn't require just empathy or compassion, but instead, you need an ability to actually learn from human's mistakes in the past 1000 years or so and NOT make those mistakes. It requires understanding of a myriad subjects like sciences, military, economics, human psyche, etc., etc. which I can assure you that few even bother to understand these days.
Btw, I've observed that humans are just brilliant at shutting away their remorse, their guilt, their conscience, and guess what? These are the empaths because you can see their guilt, the struggle as they try to fight down their conscience and just do whatever their parents, their friends and society tell them to. No, these people don't even know how to choose or even know what they're doing.
And then you've parents who don't really care much about their kids, who have no idea how to even treat humans on a decent level(which their kids then learn from), give their children utterly horrible education(no, 1 + 1 doesn't = 3 nor do you cure food allergies just by taking drugs or supplements). And then they teach them apathy: during Hitler's reign, it wasn't that much of the Germans lacked compassion or empathy. It was simply because they didn't care.
And then you know what? These children are the future of the society and then, I'm utterly convinced that the world is going to hell soon. Because poor leaders will choose the wrong wars, empathize with the wrong people, bankrupt the country's treasury, ignore the things that need fixing(poverty, drugs, etc.) and delude themselves into thinking that a band-aid solution will fix the world's problems. And apparently, the world's resources are stretching: we will no longer have sufficient food or water in 10 to 20 years' time and guess what? People are still trying to have children! At that point, I suspect that nothing but genocide, forced culling and sterilization will suffice. Or perhaps, Nature will simply reset everything and almost every lifeform will be vanquished and Earth will return to a being giant ball of lava. And everything will start all over again.
Also, to me, a ruler capable of compassion/conscience isn't always a good leader. Because showing compassion in the wrong moments, could kill millions of people while a ruthless dictator could be a better ruler because people get to live. But it all depends, really, on their abilities and skills at handling a set of situations, in a certain century. Being over-ruthless could get one killed too, if one p_i_sses off too many people and makes too many enemies. And sometimes, one just needs to show compassion to people or at least, pretend to. Being a normal human with very limited social skills, I sometimes just mimic what everyone around me does because hey... I've to show compassion when required to do so. Just pull a mask of sympathy, sadness, sorrow and just say the right words and so on. :P
In the spirit of the title of this thread, do you struggle with feelings of cynicism on the one hand and a desire to feel more idealistic on the other?
ok im DOES still WAITING for them WHITEWOLF to replies so i NOT wanted to post enything YET because i DID thinked it BE off TOPICS to replies to them COMMENTS. but i DOES wants to say SOMETHING to them POSTS DEE did posted.
WORLD doesnt destroyed in MANY years because GOD not let that happen so NOT worry about that. and AFRICA does needs helps i DOES think you IS right. but if you DOES says babies not BE born yours is DENY life. and i did LEARNTED that everything does ENDS GOOD so i will DOES promise i help AFRICA and them other COUNTRIES who does needs help. but THEM problems usualy BE that you dosent DO enything you does SAYS that no one DOES done enything about them BAD things but then you DOSENT do ENYTHING youself. i DOES will becommed PRESIDENT or OTHER LEADERS and when i does i GONA do enything to makes THINGS GOOD.
but i DOES not wants start DISCUSION about this because i DOES wants to WHITEWOLF answer mine POST.
God doesn't make mistakes. Remember? So using the Bibles reasoning I am exactly who God intended me to be. No amount of prayer is going to make the blind see or the crippled walk. I am the 1% and I am proud of it. Be like you?! Why? You think my existance is suffering? I live a better life than you. I don't have guilt or regret. I don't have internal struggles. I don't lose sleep for anything. I'm not built to look back...
You can't comprehend what I am because you think everyone is like you. You're wrong and your judgement is impaired. You're way out of your league.
Stop trying to fix what isn't broken.
NOPE God DOSENT makes mistakes. YOU did maked mistakes. GOD did created you in BIRTH so you DOES has good and BAD insides you. MAYBE them GOD did sended me to HELP you. I dosent THINKS your existence BE suferring but ONLY because you DOSENT knows about MINE life. YOU dosent lives BETTER life then ME.
i DOES thinks you doesnt COMPREHENDS what I AM IS. YOURS them JUDGEMENT be imparied. and what YOU does talks about LEAGUE? and you DOSENT answers question what ORGANIZATION you does be TALKEING about either.
im DOES tries to CURES you so you DOES has BE more HAPINESS in LIFE. did you TRIED speakeing to YOURS family or GOD?
Why are you on this forum Whitewolf? Just curious.
As for Lega: I dont understand the function of you preaching on this forum at all.
LOL indeed. I actually read the entirety of this site before you were on it ( and I just by accident or opportunity thought Id have a look again and found all your posts). I especially enjoyed the ask dr robert archives, there are some pretty **** existential questions being asked that you never get to read anywhere else and its without the need for attention or acting interesting; just plain confessions and help seeking and thanks to Dr. Robert's policy its to the point. I really respect the way dr. robert is capable of explaining whatever without moral judgement but his pieces still sound personal and involved. I enjoy this site better than the other one cause its more real and more... intelligent, basically. The discussion between the 2 of you was really interesting but you checking whether the doctor wasnt trying to win anything really cracked me up. Come on.
I thought you moved south though? How is your new path working out?
Daniel, i just googled your name ( ofcourse I know its fake but thats just the kind of person I am), and I found some discussion on a site called topix where someone used my alias and yours I think, or was that you for real? As you asked somewhere whether it was me ( its getting rather complicated now): no, that wasnt me...
Really? Thats hilarious. I totally thought it was you.
Yeah well I guess I am more drawn in by the posts here cause I feel the people on here are more honest to themselves is the main thing I guess, it satisfies my curiosity better (remember we have a different 'constitution'). SW is fun though.
IF there would be any answer to a question you have that could be absolute ( which isnt possible) which would it be? cause obviously something in your head is longing for some fix, even though youre sensible enough to know it wont happen. Play with it, what would it be.
And: werent you going for some kind of career change or into a way of making use of the way you are?
Didnt mean in your head as in some wiring that needed fixing, but more a thought process in need of a fix. Understand what I mean?
Yeah I would like to know more about death if that were possible, but its not, so...